


How We Came To Be

by CaliKayeTylers



Category: the GazettE
Genre: I didn't forget Aoi this time!, M/M, Realistic, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 01:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 57,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16822075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaliKayeTylers/pseuds/CaliKayeTylers
Summary: How the GazettE really got started...





	1. Chapter 1

March 10th, 2002

“I’m sorry, this just isn’t what we’re looking for right now.”

“Maybe if you work hard for while longer your chance will come.

“You have to be realistic. You’re just not cut out for this industry. You’ll never make it.”

Could it possibly get any worse?

“Taka, can I talk to you for a sec? I know this isn’t a great time, but this is kind of important.”

The brunette felt a shudder run down his spine. Those words were not something he wanted to hear. Especially now. Now when he was sitting in the back of some dingy little live house where they’d played for a whole five people. Poured out their soul for no one to care. To be told once again that they weren’t good enough. 

No. That wasn’t right. 

His band was good enough. Plenty good enough. They were amazing musicians that continued to be let down just because he wasn’t good enough. That’s what the recruiters kept saying. He just wasn’t good enough to do this no matter how much he wanted it. Hell, it was the only thing he had ever wanted in his entire life. Just to play in a band and have an outlet for everything that was inside his head through music he loved performing. But it was never going to happen, was it? This had been the last straw. They had all agreed a few days ago that this was the last gig. If nothing happened this time around then it was time to go home. They were running out of money and the part time jobs weren’t enough. He was going to have to give up his dream. 

“Taka?” Yune questioned again and this time he couldn’t ignore the drummer’s voice. 

“Yeah, can we just...go outside? I don’t wanna be here anymore.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing. The deal that we made before? I have another offer, for another band. I can’t keep trying with you. I’m sorry. I wish you luck for the future though. I’ll see you around Takanori.”

As Yune walked away Ruki sank back down onto the floor, knees pulled up against his chest. So he’d been wrong. Things could definitely get worse. Now he only had three more band members to dump him before the night was over. It just wasn’t fair in any way. All they had needed was one person. One recruiter to be in the right place at the right time, and then he would have worked his ass off to keep growing. Anything. 

“Oi, Nori let’s go home.” His lead guitarist, Kouyou, known as Uruha, held his hand out for him but Ruki only shook his head. “No...I’m gonna clean up and go for a walk. I just- I just need to be alone for awhile. You get it right?”

The taller man nodded, horribly bleached hair falling into his eyes. “Yeah, I think all of us are going to need some time alone soon. This is going to be a mess. I’m gonna call my parents when I get back to the apartment. I think I may have to go back to Kanagawa. Even if Akira doesn’t go with me.”

“Yeah, I think Yuu will be going back to Mie too. Kouyou, I don’t have a home to go back to. What am I supposed to do?” He asked just as he felt a tear slide down his cheek. Ruki quickly wiped it away, shaking his head. “Nevermind. I’ll figure something out. Don’t worry about it. I know we have to get out soon before they kick us out. I’m sorry this didn’t work out. I know that it’s my fault. Can’t the rest of you just do what Yune did and join up with bands that have a vocalist that can hack it?”

Already small eyes narrowed on him beneath heavy makeup. “You can’t be serious right now?” A heavy sigh fell from his lips before Uruha knelt down beside him. His friend’s hands came up to frame his face and Ruki knew damn well they were smudging his makeup too. “You are an amazing singer. In my opinion you are the most talented member of this band. None of this is your fault. You have tried just as hard if not harder than the rest of us. We’re just trying at the wrong time, I think. We made a good run of it though. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t regret any of this. I never will.”

The tears he’d tried to wipe away were flowing in full force. Uruha’s words hit him like a punch to the stomach. On one hand being praised by someone as talented as the guitarist felt nice, but didn’t make him feel any better about letting him down. And knowing that after tomorrow he’d probably never see Uruha again was killing him. All of them really. He’d never been very close to Yune but he did wish the drummer well. But Akira and Yuu were different. He’d miss them terribly. 

“Thank you Kou. I don’t regret any of it either. You should go now. Go home and rest.” Ruki said, pushing playfully at the other’s arm. Uruha gave him one of his cheeky grins before getting up and leaving him alone once again. 

By the time Ruki finally hauled his ass off the floor and went back to the shoe box of a dressing room the rest of his band mates had already left. Uruha must have told them he needed space or else Reita would have him thrown over his shoulder, hauling him back to the apartment. He changed his clothes and wiped what he could of his makeup off before shoving everything into a duffle bag and helfting it on to his shoulder. 

Being spring the heat hadn't settled into the city yet and the breeze felt nice even if a slight mist hung in the air. Ruki didn't mind. So what of the sky felt just as hazy as his mind did? He took his time, taking the long way home, and stopping every so often to just observe the environment around him. He couldn't imagine having to move away from the claustrophobic city back to the country. That wasn't where he belonged. Ruki was fairly sure he'd rather starve to death then go back and beg his parents to let him back in their house. He knew his father wouldn't have it. 

All they needed was one chance. He wasn't looking for an easy way out. No genie to grant his wish to be famous. It wasn't about that at all. Ruki wanted to work for it. To put his heart and soul into music and have people hear it and feel it. 

“It's going to start raining soon. You should get home!” 

Ruki turned around as the lively voice reached his ears. What the hell, no one had been behind him only moments before, right? And he certainly would have seen this guy. He was tall, lanky but had some muscle to him. His hair was dark and fell against his shoulders nicely. Light black lined his eyes but it was his smile that seemed to light up the dark street where they stood. 

“Eh, where did you come from?” Ruki asked, ignoring the other's warning for the time being. It definitely didn't feel like it was going to rain. 

The brunette man grinned, popping an umbrella up above his own head. “That’s not important, is it? Not when you're about to get drenched and I'm the one holding the umbrella.” He answered cheekily making Ruki want to kick his shins. 

“Jokes on you. It's not gonn-” Before he could even finish his sentence he felt the first drops of rain on his hair. Not two seconds later he was scrambling to hide under the other's umbrella to get away from the deluge of water. The stranger just chuckled, an arm dropping around his waist to keep him close and dry. It probably should have bothered him, Ruki honestly didn't like being touched all that much, but this somehow didn't bother him. 

“Which way do you live? I'll walk you home.” The stranger said so nonchalantly, as if he had nothing better to do than walk Ruki to his home just to keep him dry. What if he had lived miles from here? Would he still have walked with him?

“Ah, I'm only about a mile from here. But it's not cold, you don't have to walk me. Wouldn't be the first time I've been caught in the rain. It's why all my things are in plastic bags in here.” He said, patting the duffle bag on his hip. “Too many wasted sketch books.”

“Sketch books? What do you draw?”

Ruki thought about that for a moment. Was it really okay to just tell this man whatever he asked? He was so focused on that question that Ruki hadn't even noticed they'd started walking in the direction of his apartment. It should have worried him that the stranger seemed to know where to go even though Ruki hadn't told him where he lived. 

“Oh. Um nothing special. Album artwork and costume ideas mostly. Things I'll never actually need.” He replied, feeling himself falling into the bitter, pessimistic attitude he'd had earlier. 

“Are they for your band? I saw you guys play earlier. It was a good show. People should have been paying more attention. You've got a big voice for such a little guy. No offense.”

Ruki stopped, suddenly rooted to the sidewalk, and would have been drenched had the other not realized and stopped walking too. The comment hadn't bothered him, he was used to it. That's what you learn to accept when you didn't even make it to five and a half feet tall, but the fact that this man had watched their show and was now walking him home did bother him. Was he a stalker? Ruki knew damn well no one even knew he existed so he couldn't be a fan. Nor would he be interested in him on a physical level, but he might… Was this another creep trying to get close to Uruha?

“You know, I think I'd rather walk by myself. Thanks anyway.” Was all he said before quickly walking out into the rain. It soaked through his thin hoodie and jeans in seconds and part of him wished he'd stole the umbrella before running off. But he couldn't lead the creep to his apartment so he took a few unnecessary turns, looking back to make sure he wasn't being followed. It was a good fifteen minutes later when he noticed it was no longer raining on him anymore and he looked up to see the stranger falling into step beside him again. 

Ruki panicked, like heart pounding, throat tight panicked, falling to his ass in the process. There was no way the other could have caught up to him without him realizing it. 

“Who the fuck are you? Why are you following me!?” He yelled as the man bent down in front of him, laying the umbrella to the side. The rain didn't touch him. It seemed to turn to mist just before it hit him. Something was very wrong here and Ruki wasn't above admitting he was terrified. He should have just walked home with everyone else, but no he had to be stubborn and now he was going to die out here all alone. No one would even care that he was gone. His band mates would move on to different lives and he’d be forgotten. 

“Following you? Oh no, I only came when you called. Your soul cried so loudly I just couldn’t ignore it. And it’s such a beautiful soul Takanori, so full of light and heat. I don’t remember ever touching a soul so passionate. You would literally do anything to achieve your dreams wouldn’t you? You’re just a little ball of fire and I’ve been cold for so long. Won’t you let me help you?” 

Ruki tried to back away, his hands slipping on the wet ground, but no matter how hard he tried the stranger just kept pursuing him, stepping closer until his back hit a brick wall. “You’re insane! Leave me alone!” He screamed and even attempted to kick at the hand that came towards him. Somehow the stranger avoided his foot, leaning down over him until he was able to press two fingers under Ruki’s chin. 

“Don’t worry little one. I have no intention of hurting you. I only want to help you. You have a voice the world should hear. I want to give you that chance.”

“What are you even talking about? I don’t understand!” The stranger smiled and Ruki could have sworn he saw his eyes turn completely black before returning to a deep brown. “What...are you?”

“I am whatever you need me to be. What is it you need most Takanori? What would you give your whole heart for?”

He was insane. That much was clear, but he was right. Ruki would give everything for a chance. Maybe this guy could help or maybe this was all just a bad dream, either way what could it possibly hurt to answer his question?

“I just want a chance to make my dreams come true. Just my foot in the door. I'd give anything.” He answered, voice barely audible over the ever present pounding of rain against pavement. 

The man smiled impossibly brighter. “Just say the words. Tell me you'd give your very soul for this chance.” 

Everything went silent. The rain still fell, the city still buzzed, but Ruki heard none of it, only the rising beat of his own heart. The words were bubbling up his throat as though the strange man was pulling them himself and when they spilled across his lips those warm eyes widened into pools of inky black before his fingers gripped either side of Ruki's jaw in a painful grip that forced his mouth open. Something hazy, a swirling mist of color, emerged from his own throat only to be inhaled by the other. When the exchange was done, Ruki slumped back against the wall feeling as if he hadn't moved his limbs in ages. It was as if his body suddenly weighed a million pounds and he didn't have the energy to move it. 

“Let me take you home little one.” The stranger said, easily slipping his arms around the vocalist and lifting him into his arms. Ruki couldn't even lift his head to protest. 

“Am I dying?” He whispered, his head falling on to a strong shoulder. 

“Not for many years. We will discuss my terms once you have recovered. Rest now.”

Terms? What was he talking about? Did this have something to do with whatever he'd taken from him? What had he just done? 

The demon carried the small human close to him, keeping his body from the rain. He was already soaked through but at least it wasn't cold. It wasn't too far of a walk to Ruki's apartment and he roused the smaller male. 

“You have to wake up now Takanori. You're home. I will find you tomorrow.” He said placing the vocalist down on his feet. 

“Home?” Ruki murmured, leaning up against the wall beside their decaying door. He watched as the stranger knocked on the door but his eyesight was fuzzy and the next thing he knew, he was alone in the little hallway. Where had the other gone? Had he...ever really been there? Or was Ruki just a exhausted and drenched, desperately in need of food and sleep? That seemed much more realistic then some spawn of hell trying to steal his soul or some shit. 

“Taka? What the hell man? Where have you been? Kou told us you wanted some alone time but when it started raining we figured you'd come home sooner. Are you okay? Get in here and get those wet clothes off. It may be spring but you'll catch a cold like this and our vocalist can't be without his vocals right?”

Ruki scoffed as his bassist pulled him into the shabby excuse for an apartment. Reita was always so...caring. Always so positive. “I'm not your vocalist anymore Aki. We're not a band, remember? This was our last chance.” He said, dumping his bag on the stained carpet and starting to strip out of his clothes. A shirt that he was fairly sure was Uruha's was held out in front of him and Ruki looked up to the blond in question with a confused frown. 

“It's alright. My parents won't let me wear this kind of thing once I move back in anyway. Just take it.” The guitarist explained and Ruki could tell he was keeping his expression serene by sheer force of will. This was killing him too. 

Without another word, Ruki took the shirt from his friend and slipped it over his head, the hem hitting just above his shivering knees. Why did Uruha have to be such a giant? But the shirt smelled like the blond and somehow it was comforting to him. Yes, selfishly he would keep this. He never wanted to forget Uruha. He never wanted to forget any of them. The only thing he wanted to forget was the deal he’d made with them. Couldn’t they just have one more night? One more live together. That’s all he’d ask for. 

“I’m gonna go on to bed. Will you guys be here in the morning?” He asked the others and one by one they nodded. 

“We have to figure out where to go from here don’t we? And...I don’t think any of us are ready to say goodbye tonight, right?” Aoi added in, his voice unusually serious and quiet. 

“Yuu’s right. At least I know I don’t want to. Come on Taka, let’s get you to bed. I think we could all use a good night’s rest.” Reita agreed, reaching out for his hand, and Ruki took it willingly. The bassist pulled him into the only bedroom in the apartment and towards a worn out futon that lay on the floor beside the western style twin bed that Aoi and Uruha had been sharing. Ruki was suddenly grateful that Yune hadn’t been staying with them. Surely he never would have been able to sleep with the drummer in the same room. Not that he blamed Yune, not really. None of them really had the choice to hesitate right now. If the other had been given a better situation to fall into then Ruki didn’t begrudge him that. 

Once Reita had pulled him down onto the bed Ruki felt his entire body start to relax. He could feel the bassist’s strong heartbeat against his back as a strong arm wrapped around his waist and long fingers ghosted over his stomach. Reita was just trying to help him relax and it was doing the trick. He let out a heavy sigh, all the pent up anxiety bleeding out of him and allowing him to let exhaustion take over.

“Taka? Things are gonna be okay, you know? We’re best friends. This is just a momentary setback. Even if we aren’t meant to be in a band together it doesn’t mean we’re just going to disappear out of each other’s lives. That won’t happen. And...if you need a place to go, you can always come back to Kanagawa and stay with me. I’m sure my mom won’t mind.”

Yeah, like his mom would want the boy who pulled her son away from a college path to come live with them. But it was a nice gesture, and he was sure Reita believed what he was saying. “Thanks Aki… I’ll figure it out. For now, let’s just sleep, okay?”

“Okay.” 

Ruki felt, and wasn’t surprised by, a gentle kiss pressed to the back of his head before Reita settled down too. Tomorrow there would be a lot of decisions to make, but tonight all that mattered was sleep. Slipping back into his dreams where things were so much better. Plus there were no weird umbrella wielding strangers in his dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to stay one chapter ahead while updating so this one was quick, I'm hoping the next ones will be too. Thank you for reading!!!!

March 11th, 2002

Surprisingly the sun rose the next morning. The rain gave way to sunshine and the sound of birds from the little park across from their apartment building. But the part that astonished Ruki the most was the fact that he felt...rested. He'd expected his anxiety to keep him awake all night or to eat at him until he woke back up. But he'd slept all night. 

Before he could completely wake up and realize what was happening today, Ruki rolled over and checked his phone. He had a text from an unknown number but nothing else. 

Meet me just outside. We need to talk before your band mates wake up.

Ruki frowned at the screen. It could be… That man hadn't been real. It had been all in his sleep deprived head. Right? Then who the hell was texting him?

Who is this?

Don't play stupid. Hurry up.

Maybe pissing whoever this was off wasn't a great idea. Ruki quietly slid out of Reita's arms and pulled on his jeans. Just like the text said, everyone else still seemed to be asleep as he grabbed his keys and left the apartment. The man from the night before stood just beyond the front door, leaning against an older car that Reita would have loved. Ruki felt his heart jump into his throat. If the stranger was real then that meant so was whatever deal they had made.

“So...you’re real huh?” He asked stupidly as he approached the already smirking brunette. 

“Obviously. You look even more adorable than you did last night. Let’s go for a drive, yeah?” The stranger spoke, his eyes roaming over Ruki’s shorter form and making him incredibly uncomfortable. He didn’t like being called things like this. So what if he was small? But more than the compliment, the look the other was giving him was sending shivers down his back. It wasn’t a look of physical appreciation. No, this man looked like he legitimately wanted to take a bite out of him. Ruki guessed if this was real then sooner or later he really would devour him. 

“I’d rather not. Just say what you need to, and go away.”

The other laughed, a sound that almost had Ruki’s lips curving into a smile before he caught himself. Someone so evil shouldn’t sound that cute. “Go away? Oh Takanori. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to flesh out the details of our little deal. So get in the car. I promise you'll be rewarded.” He said before rounding the front of the vehicle and opening the driver's side door. 

Rewarded? What the fuck was that supposed to mean? He wasn't a pet or a child. Everything in his being wanted to tell the guy to fuck off and just go back upstairs to the comfort of his bed. Instead he found himself numbly opening the door and sliding on to the leather seat. The old car came to life with a roar Ruki was sure was breaking the sound ordinance, but it's driver didn't seem to care. 

“So talk. I just want to get this over with and get back to the apartment. I don’t have much time left with my friends and I definitely don’t want to waste any of it riding around with some guy I don’t even know.” 

“You’re awfully snarky for such a little guy. Alright. Takanori you need to calm down. You’ve already started the deal, I own your soul no matter what you decide to do. We can do nothing and I can kill you now or you can hear me out and maybe get to see your dreams come true. Which is it gonna be?”

Ruki sat back in his seat, his throat tight. “You tricked me into saying that! You tricked me into giving you my soul! I don’t even know what you are!”

The stranger chuckled, reaching across the bench seat to turn Ruki’s chin. “I’m exactly what you think I am. And by what means you were made to say the words matters not. You said them. So I’m going to make you a deal and you can decide whether or not you want to accept it.” Ruki stayed quiet and he continued. “Last night, you said all you wanted was the right person in the right place at the right time. Nothing more than that. I want to give that to you. A recruiter to be at your show that will give you a chance. It still won’t be easy, but you don’t want easy, do you?”

“No, I don’t want easy. I don’t want anything handed to me. Just a chance to show them what we can do.” Ruki answered honestly. There was no reason to lie to this...man, if he truly was a demon then it made sense to try to get as much out of whatever deal they were about to make, right? 

“That is why I chose you. Your soul is different. Unselfish. The day after tomorrow you will be signed up to play in the same house you were in last night. There will be a recruiter there scouting you. What you do after that is all up to you.”

“What does it matter if we make it if you’re only going to kill me after? I’d rather the band break up now having never had the chance then get signed and have to deal with me leaving. I don’t know if they would replace me or not, I would hope they would, but isn’t it better to just leave it like this? I can’t convince them to do another show when we just lost our drummer. We aren’t even a complete band. I cannot ask this of them.” He asked, the surge of anger he’d felt from before had bled away and rational thinking taken over. Despite what was going to happen to him, he wanted what was best for his friends. They were his true family and he was determined to do right by them. 

“I want to make you an offer that most people do not get. Because this situation is different. You’re different. I want to offer you fifteen years. For a musician that is a lifetime. And I think you could be very convincing if you want to be. I will be there. I am going to be your new drummer. Trust me, I can hack it. All you have to do right now is make sure you and the rest are at that show.”

“I can’t just introduce you as our drummer. The other’s won’t just accept you so easily. You’ll have to audition for them. Can you actually play? Fifteen years...I- I won’t even be forty.”

The demon actually looked as if he took pity on him. “Most people only get one or two years at most. I want to give you a chance to live this dream Takanori. And I’m a demon...I can do whatever I want or need. Don’t worry about that. Later today then you can introduce me and I will play for them. They’ll accept me. Let me help you.”

Fifteen years….in the business they were in that was considered a fairly long career considering so many bands these days broke up in less than a year. 

“What happens at the end of my years? You can’t just kill me all of a sudden and leave everyone hanging.”

“I’ll cover that when the time comes. Your friends won’t have to worry about having the necessities ever again. I promise. You seem to care more for them then of yourself. Are you afraid to die, Takanori?”

He shook his head. In truth, anyone would be, right? But really he wasn’t. He had no idea if he even believed in an afterlife or reincarnation or anything really, but he was certain there had to be a better place out there then this world. A pathetic it was indeed. Ruki scoffed to himself. Wherever that better place was, he was never going to see it was he? Not now that his very soul belonged to this agent of hell. 

“I’m not afraid of it. Death is a given. No one is safe from its clutches. But being dragged to hell...that is a bit frightening. I don’t know how you expect me to look forward to having my soul burn for the rest of eternity. So forgive me for not being so ecstatic about this.”

A smirk appeared on the demon’s face. “I didn’t expect you to be. But hell isn’t all you humans have made it out to be either. It really isn’t much different from here. Though the crime rate is surprisingly lower. We live under the rule of a king, but he is just and fair. Yes, the souls of criminals are punished, the degrees to which this happens differs but most souls live out time just like they did on earth. You will have to see it for yourself.”

Ruki raised a brow at him. “If it’s so great then why are you here instead?”

“Inquisitive little gremlin aren’t you? Truth be told I was bored. In need of a change of scenery. Why I’m here doesn’t really matter. Ah, here we are.” 

Ruki frowned as he looked out the windshield as the demon pulled the car over against the curb. They were at some shop that he’d never heard of before. “Where are we? And what do we do now?”

Again that soft laugh. “Now we have to seal the deal.” He answered, reaching out for him again. Only this time that hand pulled him closer across the seat until he could feel the other’s warm breath against his lips. He didn’t even have time to react before he was pulled into a rather deep kiss, soft, cool lips moving against his own. For a moment Ruki couldn’t think of any reason why he shouldn’t be kissing this man, he even gave in a bit, tilting his head to the side to offer less resistance. But all to soon it ended and Ruki was left blushing up to his ears as he turned away from the demon.

“And now it’s done. Let’s go get breakfast for your friends. They deserve that at least. Then I promise not to use any magic to help you along.”

“Wait!” Ruki called before the other could get out of the car. “Tell me your name.”

The brunette cocked his head to the side, looking cute despite what he was. “You couldn’t pronounce it even if I told you. My human name is Yutaka.”

“Kai. Your name should be Kai. The rest of us have stage names, you’ll need one too.”

He nodded. “Then call me Kai.”

************

“Pancakes? Do I smell pancakes?”

Ruki turned around to see a rather sleepy looking bassist enter the apartments small kitchen. He was rubbing at his eyes and his hair was all matted down on one side and sticking up on the other. He had yet to notice they had a guest either. 

“Um, no, actually it’s french toast.” He answered, pulling out a chair so Reita could sit at their little table. 

“We don’t have the money to be buying stuff for that Taka. You know that.” He said before looking up and finally noticing the brunette standing in front of the stove. “What the fuck? Who is that? Did you just let some stranger into our apartment?”

“No! No Aki I didn’t. This is Yutaka. I met him a couple weeks ago. He’s a drummer. And- And he paid for all of this so I didn’t use any of our money. Please don’t be angr-”

“A drummer?” Reita questioned before letting out a heavy sigh. “Taka...we talked about this. We made a deal and everyone agreed. Why would you bring a new drummer here when we don’t even have a band anymore?”

“Because I’ve seen you guys play, and I think you should try one more time with a better drummer. No offense to your latest one. I think I could really help you guys out and Takanori does too. And I heard from a reliable source that there was going to be a recruiter at this next gig that would totally be into this band. I’ll be honest, I’m making breakfast as a bribe. I’ve been looking for a band that lives up to my expectations and I think yours does. Could you at least listen to me play and see if it’s worth one last shot?” Kai interjected himself into the conversation, setting down a plate of toast in front of the bassist. Ruki knew Reita well enough to know the easiest way to get his attention was with breakfast food. 

Reita blinked a few times before picking up the chopsticks given to him. “Man, I think you’re a little late. We all decided that last night was our last show. We just don’t have it in us for one more. This one hurt enough as is. It’s been three years and the biggest crowd we’ve played for was twelve drunks who thought they were at a different place. I appreciate the breakfast though. It’s been awhile since we’ve had something like this.” He said, shoving a bite of toast into his mouth. “Mmm, you’re a good cook too. Shame, it would have been nice to have you around.”

“Aki, Yutaka has offered to put up the money for our rent for another two weeks if we give this one more try. Right Yuta?” Ruki said, nudging the demon with his elbow. The nickname came out of his mouth before he could think about it. It seemed...almost natural. 

“Ah, yes. I’d be happy to do so. Like I said, I’m looking for the perfect band. You all could wait two more weeks couldn’t you?”

“Just because you pay our rent and feed us breakfast one morning doesn’t mean we have the money to live on for the next two weeks.” Aoi strode into the kitchen, looking like he hadn’t even been to bed yet. “You have no idea how long we’ve been trying to make this work. You can’t just walk in here and ask us to change our plans to fit your needs.”

Kai turned towards the raven haired guitarist and bowed slightly. “No, you’re absolutely right, I can’t. But wouldn’t it be foolish of me to not try at least? I would never know the answer unless I asked. I just think that one last show could make all the difference, and there will definitely be more of a crowd at this live house. I can promise you that. Had your drummer quit before this last one I would have approached you then, but unfortunately he left at the most inopportune time for me.”

Aoi scoffed at that, sitting down with Reita. “I'm sorry that our shortcomings have inconvenienced you.”

“That's...not how I meant it-”

“Yuu, please just think about it for a moment? Would you at least let him play for you this evening? He's as good as he says. I swear it. And if he's right about this recruiter then this could really work. I know we made a deal but I have to be selfish just one last time.” Ruki said, kneeling down in front of the guitarist. “I- All of you have homes to go back to. Parents who may not be happy with your choices and will definitely say lots of 'I told you so’ but they'll accept you back despite that. I have nowhere to go. My family won't take me back even if I begged them. I'm not looking for pity, it's not your guys’ fault my family is shit, I'm only asking for one more chance. Maybe a change is all we needed.”

The raven’s expression of annoyance seemed to bleed away into something more personable. He knew Ruki didn't beg. But he also knew he wasn't some spoiled brat throwing a fit when they didn't get their way. Aoi knew he was going to end up living with some strangers working himself to death to stay alive because he couldn't go home. 

“I don't know about you, Yuu, but I think I could probably live on crackers and water for another week. I wasn't really looking forward to leaving you guys yet anyway.” Reita said softly, reaching out to ruffle Ruki's hair even though he knew the vocalist hated it.

For once Ruki didn't care about Reita's embarrassing affections. He only cared about the bassist's words of support. “Thank you Aki.”

“You still have to convince Kouyou though.” Aoi said with a huff. “And he's been up half the night packing and crying. I don't know if he'll want to go through this again in another week.”

“Yuu, does that mean you'll stay?!” The vocalist asked, all but jumping to his feet to throw his arms around the rhythm guitarist's neck. 

Aoi caught him easily, a chuckle falling from his pierced lips. “I'll stay, but this drummer better be as good as you say “

“If he plays half as well as he cooks then we've got nothing to worry about.” Reita interjected, his mouth already full of food again. Kai placed another plate down for Aoi with a nod. 

“Thank you for giving me a chance. I won't disappoint you.”

“I'm going to go wake Kou up. I'll be right back.” Ruki said as conversation between the other three started up. This was okay. It was going to be okay. He walked back to the bedroom to find Uruha wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets. He didn't hesitate to crawl on to the small bed with him.

“Kouyou...it’s time to wake up. We’ve got french toast for breakfast.” He whispered, leaning over the much taller man. 

Uruha perked up immediately at the mention of real food, rolling over to toss some of the blankets off. “French toast? Did you go shopping?”

Ruki shook his head and as Uruha woke up more he told him everything that he had explained to the others. Uruha, like Aoi, seemed to have trepidations about staying any longer. The tall guitarist wasn’t usually one to show much emotion but when he did it was like a hurricane, unstoppable and hard to control. As it turned out he had called his sister the night before to arrange a date for him to come home four days from now. So after some heavy convincing on Ruki’s part and a plate and a half of toast on Kai’s, the whole band had finally agreed on one last show. Ruki had begun to wonder through this whole mess if Kai would take him earlier than the fifteen years if they didn’t make it, but he was too afraid to ask. Besides, he wasn’t quite sure if he actually wanted the answer anyway. 

“So...we’ve been practicing in the back garage of this music shop down the street. Should we head down there after breakfast and see if Yutaka is any good? Maybe he’s just bluffing.” Aoi suggested, nudging the new brunette in the side. It was good to the older guitarist teasing the drummer already. Ruki hated it when Aoi got all serious like that. It never meant anything good. And his mood swings were bad enough as is. 

“Hey! I’m not bluffing! I’m not even a good liar. Right Taka?”

Ruki actually choked on his orange juice, eyes flying to the demon who looked far too relaxed sitting at breakfast with his bandmates. They’d only been together for a whole half an hour and already Aoi and Reita seemed to be best friends with his personal agent of hell. He guessed Kai just had that effect on people. Ruki just wished he knew if the demon was being genuine or not. Only time would tell. 

“Right. He really is a terrible liar. You guys have nothing to worry about.” He answered, keeping his gaze down on his own food. Hopefully he wouldn’t be the liar here. 

********

Ruki’s heart followed the same rhythm as Uruha’s boot as it tapped on the pavement of the old garage. Kai sat looking way too innocent behind the piece of shit drum set that Yune had left awaiting instructions from one of them. 

“What do you know how to play?” Reita asked, arms folding over his chest. 

Kai shrugged. “Anything you want. Name it and I’ll play it.” 

Their bassist didn’t look all that convinced. He threw out some obscure Luna Sea song that Ruki didn’t even know and Kai merely picked up the drumsticks and counted to himself for a moment before starting to play and what do you know? The demon hadn’t been lying. He was good and he did literally know how to play any song that his band yelled out to him. During one particular song, Reita picked up his bass and joined in with him. After a few songs Ruki was confused by the look on his friend’s face. He couldn’t tell if Reita was angry or happy or somewhere in between. 

“Dude. You just...I can…” Reita turned to him then. “Taka...he’s in the band.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally another update! Just to clarify something, I realize the dates are not right that I've used, I tried to get the years right at least. Also the events I've used won't be the main focus, they're just used for a timeline. I hope to focus on the relationships instead. Thank you for reading!!!

March 13th, 2002

His nerves were shot. He shouldn't have to go through this twice. Ruki leaned his head back against the dingy metal wall of the bathroom stall he'd been hiding in for the last ten minutes. His band mates were putting so much faith in him tonight and Ruki wasn't sure if he could handle it. What if he let them down again? He licked nervously across his lips again, tasting the cheap, chalky lipstick spread over them. Maybe if he backed out Aoi could take over. The guitarist could sing, Ruki had heard him multiple times. He'd be a much better vocalist. 

A sharp knock on the stall door had his heart jumping into his chest. 

“Nori? Open the door.”

Kai. He'd developed this nickname over the past two days and though he hated it from anyone else, Ruki didn't mind so much coming from the demon. Swallowing hard, he unlocked the door and stood out of the way as Kai stepped into the small cubicle with him. This looked suspicious didn't it? The drummer eyed him curiously, hand coming up to wipe off some of the lipstick he must have smeared.

“Why are you hiding in here? We go on in fifteen minutes. Everyone's been looking for you.”

“I can't do this Yuta. I can't let them down again. I'm not good enough to make it.”

Kai didn't laugh at him, or yell at him, instead he brushed his hand over Ruki's hairspray stiffened hair in a surprisingly comforting manner. “You're scared. It's only nerves. You are plenty good enough. You're good enough to make it and everyone else thinks so too. Why else would they agree to be here? They believe in you, now you need to believe in yourself. Go out there and sing your heart out. Give it everything you got in that tiny body of yours.”

“Don't call me tiny!” Ruki snapped, putting his palms on the demon's chest to push him away. Unfortunately there was no place for him to go. “What if I screw up? I don't want to lose my friends. I have nothing else.”

“You've got me. And I'm telling you that isn't going to happen. You’re just going to have to trust me, just this once. Everything is going to work out. Have a little faith in your friends, huh?” 

That made him pause. He really should trust in his friends more than this, right? They were his best friends after all. No way would they just abandon him even if this didn't work out. They would...keep in touch. At least...Ruki needed to believe that if he was going to get through this last performance. 

“You're right. My friends, they're here for me. But don't pretend you care about me Kai.” Ruki snapped. “You're here for one thing only. Don't think for one second I'll ever forget what you are.” Before the demon could reply, Ruki squeezed past him and out of the stall. 

“Takanori wait!”

But he couldn't, could he? He had to keep his wits about him if he was going to make it through the next fifteen years. Listening to the demon's lies would only drive him crazy. Kai was here for Ruki's soul, nothing more.

Entering the small room behind the stage, Ruki looked around at his band mates and smiled. They really all did look like shit, himself included. With their obviously unprofessional sewing jobs on their costumes and even more rookie level hairstyles. Yeah, they were a fucking mess. It was time to go out there and make sure these guys got everything they deserved. 

“Oh come on Yuta! Don't look so down. There's like ten people out there. That's more than we've ever played for. We're gonna kill this!” Uruha exclaimed, nudging a bony shoulder against the drummer who'd silently entered the room. 

The brunette cheered up a little and Ruki cursed himself for even wondering what the demon could possibly be worried about. It wasn't any of his business and he didn't care. 

“Huddle up!” Reita clapped his hands together and they formed their small circle, arms over each other's backs. “I can't say for anyone but me, but this feels different. I think I had already given up at our last show and this time I feel like I want to put everything into this. This is make or break and I have a good feeling about it.” A round of head nods and 'same’ went around and Ruki couldn't help but grin at the bassist's excitement. Somehow his bird brained friend always knew the right kind of thing to say. “Now let's get out there and show them why we belong on that stage!” 

**********

Reita had been right. There was something different about this live. The audience though miniscule felt like they were playing to millions, like they'd finally made it and were filling Tokyo Dome with their music. When he looked to his right to see Uruha with his makeup streaked from sweat and the biggest grin on his face and to his left to see Aoi's eyes sparkling with that mischievous glint Ruki knew that if this was to be their last live then he could finish it satisfied. He could stand up and say he'd done his best for his friends and wasn't that what was most important?

“Excuse me. Do you have a moment?”

Ruki turned around at the sound of an unfamiliar voice and tried to smile despite how exhausted he was. The guy was older than himself, probably late twenties early thirties with slicked back black hair and he wore an X Japan t-shirt. He couldn't be a fan right? “Of course. What can I help you with?” He answered politely.

“Actually I'm hoping I can help you instead. My name is Takeru. I'm from Morito Records?”

It was all Ruki could do to keep his eyeballs firmly placed in his head. A recruiter?! He knew of the record label. It wasn't huge, but it was at least established, a stepping stone company. “O-oh Takeru-san, it's nice to meet you.” He bowed to the other man feeling his heart race in his chest. 

“No need for formalities here. Some of your fans tell me your name is Ruki? It's good to meet you too. I've been looking around for awhile now for something special, you know? I'm not even really sure why I ended up here tonight but I'm glad I did. I think you guys really have something here. And you already perform like a band that's been together for twenty years. Would you be interested in coming in for a meeting early next week?”

Was that really even a question?

“I- yes! I mean, yes. We'll be there. Thank you for your praise. The others...this is going to make them so happy. We've been trying for so long.”

Takeru reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. “Trust me, I understand. I think things are going to start looking up for all of you. Here, let me give you my card and let's say...Monday around nine? Just come to the studio and ask for me. We'll get the ball rolling. Have a good night Ruki-san. Celebrate a little.”

Ruki bowed again in thanks, unable to trust his own voice as he held the little card tightly in his hands. When he looked up again the recruiter was gone and Ruki hurried backstage knowing he was about to be an emotional mess. He found his way out to the back dock and sat down on the stairs, eyes glued to Takeru's card. It felt like he couldn't breathe properly. This was everything he'd always wanted and he was so happy. So why did it feel a bit... empty? Why wasn't he running to his band mates? 

“Why are you hiding out back here? The recruiter can't find you if you're not out there mingling.”

Ruki held up the card as Kai sat down on the step below him and a satisfied looking smile lit up the demon's face. “I already met him. He asked for us to come in for a meeting on Monday.”

“And you're...not happy?”

Ruki shrugged. “I guess I'm just wondering how much of this was us and how much was you.” He said, looking up to gauge Kai's next words. 

“This was all you and the others Nori. I did two things. I put the suggestion in the guy's head that he should stop by here, but I in no way forced him here, and I changed the color of the light outside to be more exciting and catch more eyes. That's why there was a few more people. I swear to you that is all I did. Nothing was guaranteed.” 

“I want to believe you, but how can I? You're a demon. Wouldn't you only want me to fail?”

Kai actually looked offended at this accusation, his expression hardening. “And exactly how many demons have you met? You don't know anything about me. I'd appreciate it if you'd keep comments like that to yourself. I know of humans that are far more evil than demons. Every race has good and bad people.”

Ruki narrowed his eyes. “You tricked me into giving you my soul. What part of that makes you a good person?”

“I was only doing what I was born to do. Make deals. That’s what demons do. So you can either accept my help and live out the rest of your life the way you want to, or you can keep moping around and hating me. Either way, you’re stuck with me.”

It sucked, and Ruki would never admit it out loud, but Kai was right. The deal was done, there was no going back now. “It all just feels so fake. Like I didn’t earn this. Maybe I just shouldn’t tell the others. I could just let them have this last, wonderful, live and let them move on.”

“It’s not your decision to make alone Nori. You don’t get to decide how they’re going to feel. They worked hard, and they deserve this just as much as you do. Just take this gift that’s been given to you and make the most out of it.”

Ruki wanted to argue but never got the chance because the door behind him opened again and the rest of his band mates filed out looking like they were afraid to get near him. What were they being so skittish about?

“What do you all look so anxious about?” He asked, gaze finally stopping on Reita. 

The bassist fidgeted a little bit with the tails of the band around his face. “Ah, we uh, we saw you talking to that guy earlier. Was he a fan? Or...more? Did he say anything?”

Ruki glanced to the side, meeting Kai’s dark chocolate gaze. The demon nodded only slightly but it was enough. Maybe...he just needed to trust him. So he faced his friends again, an excited smile slipping on to his lips. “We have a meeting with Morita Records Monday morning! He was a recruiter and he said we have something special. I don’t want to get my hopes up but he thinks this is going to work out. He was really positive about the whole thing.”

The two guitarists were silent, seemingly in shock, but Reita’s knees hit the ground with a resounding thud. His hands were tightened into fists on his thighs and overly bleached hair hid his face. No one moved until the bassist’s shoulders trembled, a sob falling from his lips, and it seemed to snap Uruha out of his own head. He knelt down next to his best friend, arms wrapping around his shoulders. Aoi and Ruki weren’t far behind. 

“Aki, don’t cry.” Uruha murmured and the dam broke, Reita’s whole body shook in their holds. 

“I just...didn’t want to leave you guys...I didn’t want to go home.” He said, voice barely audible through his tears. “I love you guys…”

A collective sigh followed by a chuckle was heard before they were all hugging the bassist tightly. Ruki looked back for a moment to Kai who had an expression on his face that he couldn’t quite figure out but for the first of many times to come, he wondered if being a demon was lonely. He suddenly wanted to say something, to include the brunette despite what he was or how he came to be in Ruki’s life, but before he could utter a single word, Aoi’s arm reached out to the drummer, his fingers wiggling slightly in invitation. 

Kai’s gaze focused on those fingers for a few milliseconds before falling on Ruki. He was asking permission, wasn’t he? He wanted to be accepted, and the vocalist didn’t have the heart to let him stand on the outside when none of this would have even been possible without him. So he nodded, the movement barely noticeable to anyone but Kai, who in turn looked like he was about to cry just as much as Reita was. Is that all Kai wanted out of this? Friends? Could something so...human actually mean anything to a demon? Maybe, just maybe there was more to Kai than Ruki originally thought. 

And his friends accepted their new drummer into their group embrace as if he’d always been there, belonged there. 

Aoi’s words were choked when he spoke. “We’re gonna make it. We’re really gonna do this. And we’re gonna be huge! We’ll show the whole country who we are.”

“No.” Uruha added in. “We’re gonna show the whole fucking world who we are.”

********  
April 28th, 2002

“What if no one likes it? I mean, we don’t have that many fans. If no one likes it are we going to get canned? What’s going to happen?”

Aoi rolled his eyes at Reita’s nervous antics. They were all nervous, no doubt about that, but the remaining members were quiet instead of talking incessantly like the bassist. “None of that is going to happen. The reaction to the teaser was good. Everything is going to be fine.”

Reita didn’t seem convinced though, scooting closer to the computer in front of them. They had all huddled into one of the recording studios where the newest computer was and were waiting for the company to release their first single on their site. They’d spent the last few weeks handing out flyers all over the city to let people know when the release was. Uruha had been lucky enough to run into another guitarist by the name of Die at a bar he frequented and the man had been interested in their little group, telling other musicians he knew about them. Ruki had high hopes for the release, even had a bag full of cds to hand out later in the day. This would make or break them and he had no intention of letting the later happen. 

“I’m going to step outside for a smoke.” He interjected between Aoi and Reita’s squabbling. 

Unsurprisingly Kai stood up with him. The demon hadn’t so much as left his side since they met and it was beginning to grate on his nerves. Maybe...this was a good time to say something about it. 

“I’ll go with you. I could use some air.” 

Ruki didn't say anything as they left the small studio and exited the building into the back alley. Morito Records wasn't a huge company, no towering skyscraper of studios. Nothing impressive from the outside but it didn't matter to them. They were being given a chance here and that is all they cared about. 

Kai leaned back against the wall with a sigh, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. He held it out towards Ruki and his pride wanted him to refuse but his achingly empty wallet told him to just grin and bare it, so he did. Flicking the top off his lighter he lit the stick and inhaled the nicotine he so desperately needed. 

“You don't have to follow me around like a lost puppy, you know? I can take care of myself. Or do you just want to make my life with you as intolerable as possible?” 

The demon rolled his eyes, blowing out a stream of smoke from the corner of his mouth. “I know you can handle yourself. And whether you believe it or not not my whole goal in life isn't to make your life miserable. I am...bound to you. The farther you are away from me the weaker I get. I truly don't mean to be a burden on you.”

“How exactly am I supposed to trust anything you say? I don't know anything about you and it's not like you're offering up any kind of information either.”

A sigh. “What do you want to know Nori? I'll tell you whatever you want.”

Ruki had to take a step back to think. He hadn't expected Kai to be so...open. Though if they were really bound to o each other then what did the demon really have to lose? It wasn't like Ruki could get away if he found out things he didn't like. “I...I want to know why you're here? Why are you on Earth? Can you at least tell me that?”

The drummer nodded. “I came here, I was sent here to find something. That's the whole reason I'm here.”

“What are you looking for?”

“That's the one thing I can't tell you.”

Ruki scoffed, leaning his head back against the wall. “Well, have you found what you were sent to find then?”

Now Kai was grinning like an idiot. “I actually believe that I have. But it's going to take awhile to procure it. So I have plenty of time to help you make your life a bit better.”

“Hmm. Then kill me in the end it seems. Whatever. I'm going back inside.” Ruki said, stubbing his cigarette out on the wall. But before he could turn away Kai called to him again. 

“Nori? I- I know that you can't trust me right now, but I promise you by the end of this I will tell you everything and it will make sense. And I'm sorry that I tricked you. I really am.”

Ruki held his breath for a moment, willing his heart to slow down. Kai sounded so...sincere. And maybe he was. Maybe being tricked by the demon was something Kai needed to do to fulfill whatever mission he was on. He couldn't really blame Kai for doing what he's told. But it didn't make reality hurt any less. So instead of dignifying the confession with a response, he just went back onto the building now knowing that the demon wouldn't be far behind.

And twenty minutes later when their first single went live and they headed out to pass out the CDs, Ruki had all but forgotten why he was so angry and anxious to begin with. It didn't matter right now when he had so much to look forward to. 

*************

May 1st, 2002

“How many times have you watched it so far?”

Ruki looked away from the small tv at the sound of Reita’s deep voice behind him. He looked up to find the bassist standing with his hands in his pockets, eyes turned towards the screen. 

“Ah, only about 800 times now. Just a few. It’s just so surreal Aki. Our first music video...I never thought this would happen and it just keeps getting better and better you know? Although the more I watch it the more I wish I could fix.”

Reita chuckled, sitting down on their old dilapidated sofa. “I think that’s probably normal Taka. Everyone always has things they would fix in hindsight but I think it’s good. I think we did a good job. We should be proud of it, don’t you think?”

Ruki nodded. “I do. And I am. Ridiculously proud of it really. And what’s even better is management has decided we should be ready for an actual like in October. Can you believe that? Kouyou said he saw our music video in a store in Shinjuku yesterday. It’s mind blowing!”

“It is…Taka, can I talk to you about something kind of serious? I wanted to tell you first because you’re my best friend. You deserve to know first.”

The vocalist frowned at him but moved up onto the couch too. “Come on Aki. This sounds too serious to be talking about right now. This is supposed to be a happy day, remember?”

“It is a happy day. And...what I have to tell you makes me even more happy, that’s why I wanted to tell you first, because I know that you will be too.” He said, fidgeting with the ring on his middle finger. Was he nervous? 

Ruki’s heartbeat sped up before he could even hope to control it. Was this it? Was Reita about to confess to him? After all these years of knowing each other and working alongside one another had the bassist finally realized how Ruki felt about him and was now going to admit to feeling the same? His chest was about to burst open, Ruki could feel his ribs already bending about to give way to the explosion. “Okay...well go ahead and tell me then, yeah? Don’t leave me hanging here in suspense.” He teased, failing to keep the knowing smile off his face. 

The blond rolled his shoulders a couple times before turning further towards Ruki, pulling one leg up under his thigh. “Alright, this...is a big deal for me so just let me get everything out before you say anything okay? So we didn’t think to tell any of you because we were all separating and Kou and I were going back to Kanagawa, but now that we’re all staying, I guess this needs to be brought to light. So about a month before what was to be our last live, Kou and I had been up late at one of the arcades just hanging out and he got sleepy and said something to me. I thought he was kidding but we talked the next day and he said the same thing. He told me he loved me Taka. Like really loved me. And...I love him too. So we started- um, we started dating. I’m just so fucking happy. I’ve felt this way for him for a long time and for him to feel the same way is just- With this and the music video I feel like I’m on some kind of drug. And it feels amazing…”

As Reita continued to rattle on and on about how happy he was about this newfound relationship with their guitarist, Ruki sat their, face stuck in a smile, feeling his heart stop beating. It hurt so fucking bad. Hearing how much the bassist cared about Uruha was killing him inside and Reita didn’t even seem to be able to see it. He sat there with his cheery, dorky smile completely clueless to the distress his best friend was under. Couldn’t he see it? Couldn’t he see the hole he’d just left in his chest? How could he be so oblivious? How could someone be in so much pain and not have blood spurting out of every orifice? There should be a wound the size of the moon in the center of his body but there was nothing there. No external proof that inside he was...wasting away. 

“....okay? Taka, are you crying?”

Of course he was. Anyone would be crying when they were experiencing intense pain like this. Idiot. pain like this. 

“I’m sorry, I- This is just a lot to take in.” Ruki admitted and that wasn’t a complete lie. It was a lot to take in, just not for the reasons Reita was probably thinking. Forcing himself to move, Ruki grasped his friend’s hands in his own. “I’m happy for you Aki. For you and Kouyou. I love you both so much and I’m glad that you found each other. But if he hurts you, or you hurt him, I will kill you both.” He joked, attempting to cover the sudden hitch in his voice with humor. 

Reita’s eyes seemed to sparkle before he was throwing off Ruki’s touch and instead pulling him into a tight embrace. And for once, Ruki could feel it. Or not feel it, as it were. Over the years of them sleeping next to each other he had at some point made himself believe that Reita had to feel something for him. Why else would he be so comfortable sharing a bed with him, even cuddling with him when it was cold? But now faced with the glasses of fantasy removed from his eyes, he felt the wave of warmth, of friendship, that seemed to radiate from the bassist’s body. 

Reita didn’t love him. 

But Ruki still loved his friend.

******

October 2nd, 2002

Five months had gone by. A whole five months of working their asses off to prepare new songs and be ready for their first solo live under their company name. Ruki felt jittery, but nothing like he’d been on their last live. No, now he just felt ready. He was so unbelievably ready to throw himself into this show. Things had seemed to be moving at supersonic speed ever since they’d released their first single and music video and though outwardly he may have complained a handful of times that he just needed a day to sleep, Ruki was thankful for the numerous distractions. It kept his mind from straying back to Reita. 

He hadn’t been at all surprised when Uruha had asked him to switch him sleeping arrangements. They were a couple, of course they’d want to sleep together. But Uruha had been nice enough to sit him down and talk to him about it. Hearing from the guitarist that they could take turns on the old futon with Reita because he didn’t see Ruki as a threat had been great...just great. Ruki had of course declined and moved out into the living room and onto an old, but clean mattress that Kai had brought up. At first he hadn’t wanted to stay with the demon but now it seemed...normal? Kai had been a gentleman about it, staying away from him for the most part and never touching him. Ruki was thankful for that, but he couldn’t deny he missed the warmth of someone sleeping next to him. He just...couldn’t let Kai that close, right? 

The live went off without a hitch. There was almost a hundred people in the crowd and Ruki honestly felt as if he could do anything. Like he was a thousand feet tall. His band mates seemed to be feeling the air of euphoria too. They even pulled some money together and bought a couple cases of beers on the way home. The night was spent telling old stories and reminiscing over the years just after they’d made it to Tokyo. As the night wore on and the sun began to peak over the horizon Ruki shifted, leaning back against Kai’s side where they sat against the couch. One long arm wrapped around his waist to hold him in place and Ruki allowed the haze of alcohol to lull him to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally another update!! I hope this isn't moving too quickly. Comments are always appreciated even if they're criticism. <3

February 18th, 2003

It was so...easy. So easy to forget that a member of his band wasn’t human. It had been a little over a year since Ruki’s run in with Kai in the dark and rainy streets of Tokyo and during those first few months, the demon had been all he could focus on when he wasn’t working. But now...now Ruki hardly even thought about it. They’d grown closer too, since Reita had been spending more of his free time with Uruha. None of the others had seemed to notice that Ruki couldn't make himself look at the couple. It wasn’t that he harbored any ill will towards them. Quite the opposite actually, but just because he was happy for them it didn’t mean his feelings automatically disappeared. He’d spent years falling in love with Reita and now he had a hunch it would take just as long to fall out. Ruki was aware that Kai probably knew how he felt about the bassist but so far he’d kept his questions to himself. Part of him wished the demon would say something. Maybe Kai had a way to make Ruki forget all about his feelings for Reita, but so far he hadn’t had the courage to ask him. Sooner or later his love would dissipate and no one would ever know it had existed in the first place. That’s how it had to be. 

It was because of a call from an unknown number that life took another hairpin turn and launched them further into the spotlight. When the phone had started ringing in their small studio Ruki had assumed it was their manager asking if they wanted a ride home, like he did most nights even though they had yet to take him up on the offer. They were adults and could were very capable of taking the train after all, no use in their company wasting money on gas to take them home. The voice on the other end of the line had confused the vocalist as it asked for his name. Twenty minutes later they all were sat in a conference room with the head of Morita Records along with their manager. Much to Ruki’s astonishment the company didn’t put up too much of a fight when asked to break their contract. Morita is a stepping stone, reaching out and finding the stars they said, congratulating the band, and two days later they were at a meeting to sign on to a new management company, a big one at that. 

The move to PSC had come with new expectations, not to mention responsibilities, and before they knew it, a full studio album was in the works. Their band needed a leader. Someone to check and recheck things to make sure their music and shows were perfect or at least as close as possible. Ruki hadn’t had to think twice about his vote, putting the little slip of paper into the box their new manager, Sekai, held. Kai seemed to be the only one having trouble picking and it took everything Ruki had not to bust out laughing at the demon’s expression of concentration. Who's name was he writing on that paper?

After a heavy sigh the brunette dropped his paper in the box too and settled back in his chair. Sekai took the box back to his seat at the head of the table where he took the pieces of paper and made two piles, four in one, only one in the other. 

“Well, since you can't nominate me as your leader…” He said giving Kai a pointed look which the drummer just ducked his head. “It looks like Yutaka will be your leader from now on. Please take good care of them.”

Kai looked positively shocked and the rest of them broke out into a laughing fit. 

“You voted for Sekai? What about me?” Aoi protested, playfully slapping Kai on the shoulder. 

“Yeah, or me?” Uruha added in.

“The only thing you'd lead us to is a bar Kou. And being a leader means you have to be on time.” Reita said, ruffling the guitarist's hair. 

The blond shuddered. “On second thought, congratulations Yuta!”

“Are you guys sure? I mean I've been here the least amount of time and you want me in charge of everything?” 

Ruki couldn't contain himself. “Yuta even if you weren't the leader, you'd follow whoever it was around and check everything anyway. So just accept it and make life easier yeah?” He teased, nudging the drummer's arm. 

Kai glanced between the contact and his face for a moment before smiling and nodding in agreement. “You're probably right. In that case, thank you. I will work hard for you.” He said, bowing his head to the other side of the table, but under their own his hand reached over to grip Ruki's, squeezing it lightly. 

It was strange still to let Kai touch him. He still hadn’t figured out if the demon was trying to get closer to him or if he was just touchy, but either way at some point during the year Ruki had become accustomed to those fleeting touches and though he’d never admit it, even seeked them out now and again. But it was still only a friendly gesture. There was nothing, nor would there ever be anything, between them and that Ruki was fine with. 

********

March 23rd, 2004

Touring was hard. Harder than Ruki had imagined it would be and not even half as glamorous. They had been out for almost two weeks now and played nine total shows. He wasn’t sure how the others felt but Ruki himself was exhausted. Sleeping in the compact tour bus was a nightmare with the five of them and most nights he’d found himself only catching a few hours, but even now as they were jumping out of the bus and heading onto location for their very first magazine photoshoot, Ruki couldn’t stop smiling. He was tired, and sore, and so fucking happy. 

With every night that passed there were more and more people in the crowds and people asking for autographs. People wanted his name on their posters! Ruki knew he wasn’t special. There were millions upon millions of better vocalists than himself, better performers, but in those few moments he felt like something special. Whether or not fans liked him personally, he didn’t much care, but the fact that they would like the music he’d helped produce meant everything to him. And he couldn’t keep the smile off his face even if he tried. 

“Ahhh, I want a showeeeer.” Kai said, coming up behind him and bumping his shoulder. Ruki just laughed. The band photos and his and the drummer’s individual shots were done so they were both ready to get back into comfortable clothes again. But now that he mentioned it, a shower did sound nice. 

“Me too. A hot shower is first on my list when I get home.”

“Home? I’m taking one here. They said there are showers downstairs that we were welcome too. It’s too damn cold to wait.” The drummer said, wiping at his face with a damp towel to try to remove the makeup. They all looked so ridiculous didn’t they? 

Ruki paused in his tracks before continuing on beside the taller man. “You mean down in the basement? No thank you. That’s just asking for a horror movie moment.”

Kai scoffed. “Nori, I’m scarier than anything you’re going to find down there. You can come with me. I’ll keep you safe. Come on, grab your stuff.”

The demon didn’t really give him time to argue, picking up his duffle bag and tossing it to him. Go down to the showers with… WHAT?

Ruki hurried after his drummer, following him down the rather well lit stairwells and into a large locker room type of space. The shower stalls were only a bit above waist height on Kai, white concrete walls with only a curtain pulled across the back. This set up...Ruki wasn’t at all pleased with. He was even less pleased when the demon started to strip out of his clothes right there in front of him without warning. 

“Ehh!? Yutaka! Can’t you at least wait until my back is turned?” He exclaimed, quickly ducking into the next stall and pulling the curtain closed. 

That beautifully light giggle reached his ears and left Ruki blushing up to his ears. “I’m fairly sure you’ve seen me with my shirt off before Nori. Why are you blushing like a schoolgirl?” 

Ruki watched from the corner of his eye as Kai shook his hair out, combing his fingers through the brunette strands. He then focused back on removing his own clothes. “I just...wouldn’t think you’d be too comfortable with me seeing you like that.”

It was quiet for a moment, Kai turned the water on, a heavy sigh leaving his lips as the hot water fell on him. Ruki shivered, not caring for being so exposed like this anywhere other than his own home. 

“Why would I mind if you were looking at me?”

The vocalist slowly turned the knob for the water. “Well, you’re a guy and I’m...like Aki and Kou.”

A bark of laughter. “Being worried about your sexuality is such a human thing. And I’m not human remember? Demons are usually attracted to all sexes. So you being attracted to men doesn’t bother me at all.” 

Ruki wasn’t sure if the feeling in his chest was relief or something else, but either way he wasn’t willing to look at it too closely. Unfortunately in trying to hide behind the water and his own hair, he didn’t notice the drummer looking over the wall at him. Or more specifically at a certain spot on his back. 

“What does bother me is that bruise on your back. Nori, what the hell happened there?” He asked, his voice much more stern sounding than before. 

“Oh, uh, it was nothing. I fell on the stairs going up to the apartment right before we left home.” Ruki answered as nonchalantly as possible. He didn't need Kai being all inquisitive right now. Not about this. And his response must have sufficed because the demon was quiet again. Ruki tipped his head back into the hot spray, his body relaxed almost instantly, the soreness draining away. He was almost too relaxed to want to lift his arms to wash his hair and about the time he turned around to shampoo it, Ruki felt a hand slip on to his back. 

With a Yelp he turned back, coming face to...well, chest, with Kai. “What the hell are you doing?!” He hissed, trying to cover himself with his arms. At least the demon had wrapped a towel around his waist but with the water still running it didn't matter much and Ruki had to force himself not to let his eyes wander over the others quite tone body. 

Oh hell…

Kai didn’t seem to care about his outburst in the least, dropping slowly to his knees so he was more level with the bruise on his back. “Tell me what happened. The truth this time please.” He spoke so softly, soothingly even, that Ruki felt himself compelled to do as he asked.

“I- I went out for a walk, just around the apartment building. I just needed to be outside for a little while.” He gulped feeling Kai tense up behind him. “Some high school kids thought I was their age and tried to get me to give them money. I didn’t have any with me though so they just shoved me down and kicked me a few times. It was my own stupid fault for going out alone at night, I know, but-”

“Do you remember what they looked like? Could you point them out if you saw them?”

Kai’s voice made Ruki’s skin crawl. It was just as soft as before but the hidden promise of violence behind it scared him. They were just stupid high school kids...did they deserve some kind of punishment? Sure, but sicking a demon on them? That seemed a bit harsh. 

“No, I didn’t get a good look at them. But it’s fine. It’s just a bruise. You don’t need to worry.” He said, trying to get the demon to back off. 

“Just a bruise hm?” He hummed before placing his hand against the discolored spot on his ribs. “Were you aware that they cracked one of your ribs then? No wonder you’ve been in so much pain after the lives. Please do not go out alone again. I know you get overwhelmed with me being around all the time but Nori, you don’t understand how important your safety is to me. Please don’t be so careless with yourself.”

Important your safety is to me? What a lie.

“Maybe the safety of my soul matters to you, but I don't. I'll be careful but don't pretend I actually mean anything to you.” Ruki retorted. The reality once again hurt his heart in ways it shouldn't but what could he do? It wasn't like he chose to care what this demon thought of him. 

Though he still felt angry and maybe a little betrayed, Ruki still gasped when he felt something much softer than fingers on his skin. Kai was...kissing him? 

“I've said it before but I will reiterate for you. Don't presume to know how I feel. You don't know what is important to me. You are my friend Nori, and I do care about your safety. You may not accept that, that isn't my problem, but it is the truth nonetheless. Now please, at least let me heal this so you won't be in so much pain.”

That piqued his curiosity. “You can do that? Mend a cracked bone?”

Kai nodded, his lips once again ghosting over the bruise. “My powers are almost unlimited when bound to a human. But only if I am using them for your sake. You make me stronger.”

Ruki didn't question him this time as a warm tingle started in his skin. The sense of euphoria that washed over him left his knees weak and he would have ended up on the tile floor if Kai hadn't tightened his hands on his waist and held him up. When he finally regained control of his limbs he found the drummer's fingers rubbing comfortingly over his stomach, his kisses having moved further up to his shoulder blade. 

He was standing naked in a shower with a demon's hands and lips all over him…what the fuck was wrong with him? Why couldn't he push Kai away? Yell at him? Anything?!

“My Nori…” The creature whispered, nuzzling behind his ear. His strong arms tightened around him and Ruki found himself actually relaxing into his hold. A strange vibration pressed into his back and for a moment Ruki was confused until he realized it was Kai. He was...purring? No, not quite purring. It was too strong. Like in movies when dragons breathed, a thrumming noise. 

“Yutaka…” Ruki mumbled the demon's name but wasn't even sure what he was asking for. 

“Not yet. Don't make me let go yet.” The vibrations were interrupted as he spoke and Ruki felt more kisses pressed into his hair. 

If he was being completely honest with himself, Ruki didn't want him to let go. It felt too good. He felt wanted and comforted. Even if it was all fake, for this moment he would take it.

“Thank you Nori.” One last kiss was pressed to his temple before Kai was backing off, leaving the little stall and consequently leaving Ruki cold despite the spray of hot water on his skin. Unfortunately with his kick induced wound healed he had to admit to the real reason for his shortness of breath. 

Ruki didn't look at Kai again as the brunette finished his shower and went back out into the locker room part of the basement. He couldn't figure it out. Was the demon teasing him? Did he know how Ruki's heartbeat quickened when he was close? Or was he oblivious of his feelings all together and only taking what he needed? Questions. Too many questions he wasn't willing to ask.

*************

October 13th, 2004

The reply from the other end of his text chat wasn’t coming fast enough. Ruki kept flipping his screen on and off waiting for an incoming text that just wasn’t coming. It wasn’t that he was worried, just concerned for a friend. With the release of their first full album, the band had been splitting up in various pairs to attend radio shows all over Tokyo, but this time he had been paired with only Uruha, which meant Kai was at home, far away from him. He had seen the anxiety in the drummer’s eyes before he could hide it and despite how he had been feeling towards the demon, he was worried. They’d never been separated for this long. Just how serious was Kai when he said being apart would weaken him? 

“Who’s text are you waiting for? You seem awfully stressed about it.” Uruha asked, his deep voice calm as usual. 

Ruki glanced up at the guitarist who was lounged back in his seat, feet up on the headrest in front of him, and DS in hand. Had the taller even looked up from that game yet? 

“I’m not stressed about it. It’s no one. Just play your dumb game.” Ruki snapped, though unintentionally, and it was enough to have Uruha looking up at him. 

“No one huh? Why so defensive then? Wait. Taka are you seeing someone we don’t know about? What’s their name?”

Ruki caught Sekai’s gaze in the rearview mirror and felt his stomach turn. “Of course not. Idiot. I’m not dating nor do I want to date anyone. Stop saying such stupid things. It’s Yutaka. He text me earlier and told me he wasn’t feeling good. I just wanted to check up on him. Dating. Psh.”

Uruha arched a brow at him. “Oh, I didn’t know he wasn’t feeling well. But it makes sense that he would only tell you, since you two are so close and all. I thought for sure that you guys were dating, but Aki told me I was reading into the situation too much.”

“Me and Yutaka?!” Ruki choked on the orange soda he’d been sipping on. “Are you insane? Yutaka has no interest in me, I assure you. Now stop badgering me and go back to your game huh?”

The only warning Ruki got was a whispered oh no from the front seat before Uruha was sitting up to turn sideways, staring at him so hard Ruki felt like he might spontaneously combust under his scrutiny. 

“Yutaka isn’t interested in you, you say. But what you failed to do was mention that you aren’t interested in him. Do you feel something for him? Why don’t you say something? He’s a good guy, the rest of us would be happy to see you with someone like Yuta. Why are you embarrassed about it?”

“Kouyou, maybe you should drop it n-” Sekai tried to interrupt but Ruki wasn’t going to let him. 

“I do NOT have feelings for Yutaka. He is my friend and my band mate. If I wanted to date someone I would, but I don’t. I don’t feel the need to be in a relationship that could potentially hurt our band.” Ruki snarked before he entirely thought it through. And judging by the look of hurt on Uruha’s face, he’d definitely understood. “Kou, I didn’t mean tha-”

“Whatever Taka. Maybe we should both just keep our opinions to ourselves.” And with that Uruha turned to face the opposite way, leaning his head against the back of the chair. 

Ruki wanted to punch himself in the face. He didn’t miss the disappointed look on their manager’s face and honestly, no one could have been more disappointed in him than himself right now. He’d never meant to say those words, couldn’t even believe they’d been in his head. It had been two years now since Reita and Uruha had announced they were dating and Ruki truly believed that he was over it, so why had something like that come out of his mouth? Did he still begrudge Uruha for his relationship with Reita? He didn’t think so, but the only other explanation was that he was in fact just being overly defensive. But why did Uruha have to say all those things about Kai? And why the hell did his relationship with the demon have to be so fucking confusing? Really he couldn’t make heads nor tails of it. After their little moment in the shower with him being so touchy and calling him his, Kai had stayed a safe distance from him when other people were around. The demon was careful not to let anyone see them too close, but now when they were alone he was all over him, hugging, and just touching all the time.

And Ruki was one step away from losing his mind all together. Because as the months wore on he found himself craving those touches, the thumb brushing over his knuckles beneath a blanket when they watched a movie, the kisses to his hair when Kai thought he was asleep, all of it. The whole situation was majorly fucking with his head. Kai was going to devour his soul, did he really need to crush his heart in the meantime? 

Fuck I owe Kouyou an apology…

Before he could say anymore Sekai turned into the parking lot of the radio station and they were quickly ushered inside. The interview itself was nerve wracking enough without the knowledge that Uruha was still pissed off at him. He kept stuttering and forgetting words. Just knowing the camera was on him like this while his insides were in chaos made Ruki feel overly exposed. By the end of the session he was sweating and was so ready to just go home. 

“Alright boys, load up, let's go home.”

Ruki stopped, just before they reached the van. He couldn't move any further. This wasn't something he wanted to take home. Before he could lose his nerve Ruki spun around to face Uruha. “I liked him. I- I loved him Kou.” He blurted out. 

Uruha only looked confused. “Loved who Taka? What the hell are you talking about?”

“I loved Aki.”

The expression on the guitarist's face changed so quickly from confusion to shock before settling on something that resembled anger. “Excuse me?”

Ruki put up his hands and shook his head. “Let me explain. Please. I didn't mean too. It was a few years ago and I just fell in love. I would never do anything to compromise your relationship Kou. I'm so happy for you both. I just...it's going to take some time for me to really completely get over him, you know? And...and you're right. I do have feelings for Yutaka but they'll never be reciprocated. So I'm just trying so hard to get over them both right now and I don't want you to pity me I just want you to forgive me. I'm so sorry for what I said. Please Kouyou, forgive me.” He finished, bowing over at the waist.

No one spoke for a moment, even Sekai stayed quiet. And about the time Ruki was sure Uruha would ignore his apology, the taller blond stepped forward, touching his shoulder and indicating he should stand. He wasn't going to back down. He looked Uruha in the eyes.

“Chibi...why didn't you tell me? Have you told Akira?”

Ruki shook his head. “No, of course not. He would feel so guilty. I could never do that to him. And I didn't want you to know either because I don't want you to think I'd get between you two.”

“I know you wouldn't. I'd never even think that of you. I can't...even imagine how hurt you must be right now. I'm sorry you haven't had anyone to talk to about this.”

“Ruki, Uru. Let's finish this in the van.” 

The two of them did as Sekai ordered, and the atmosphere was different this time around. “It's not your fault Kou. I only want for you not to be angry with me.”

Uruha smiled. “I'm over it. Don't worry. But Taka, would you like me to...talk to Yutaka for you? Maybe I can feel him out and see if he feels anything for you?”

“Heh. No. Please don't do that. I just need more time. Thank you though. Are you...gonna eat any of those tiny cakes the radio station gave us?”

The guitarist's already small eyes, crinkled up at the corners as he grinned. “Ah, my little Chibi just can't handle being near cake can he?” He said, handing the little box over to him. Ruki felt the vice in his chest loosen a little as he opened the box and took out one of the little lemon cakes. 

“I just really love cake. And spaghetti.”

“I know Taka, I know.”

Ruki relaxed back into his seat. Things were okay here, now he just needed to get home and check on Kai too. With Uruha keeping his mouth shut he didn't need to worry about his secret getting out. It was time to just bask in the tiny bit of limelight they were receiving.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I did it but I skipped posting chapter 5. So here is the actual chapter 5. I'm sorry!!!!

October 14th, 2005

He’d been blindsided. Complete and totally unprepared. When Uruha had mentioned that he and Ruki were going to the stylist before they left town Kai really hadn’t thought much of it. He figured Ruki would come home with another strange color mixed in with his already black dyed hair. He hadn’t expected the adorable bleached blond chibi that walked through the apartment door. After all, the vocalist was constantly making fun of Reita for his choice in hair color, so why all of a sudden had he decided to follow in his footsteps? And it wasn’t that it looked bad, no just the opposite, more like Ruki should have just been born a blond to begin with. He just looked so damn cute and it was almost impossible for Kai to hold himself back from scooping him up and cuddling him for the next week. Unfortunately for him, that wasn’t an option. 

The next morning they had boarded a plane bound for Austria. They were shooting a music video there for their new song ‘Cassis’ and honestly Kai was a little worried that he was going to have a hard time making it through the shooting this time around. Hearing Ruki sing that song was just too much for his heart to take. The song was perfect for his voice and the emotion behind it was...powerful. The strength was so much more than you’d expect from someone so small, but then again, he knew Ruki’s soul, and the passion it was capable of. So while he was proud of the vocalist for being able to create something like this, it also saddened him a bit to know that he may be taking someone so special from this world before it really got the chance to see him for all that he was worth. Fifteen years just wasn’t much when it really came down to it, was it? 

He couldn’t change his mind now though. And he needed Ruki, there was no way around it. The only thing he could do now was make sure once he was taken from this world, Ruki was comfortable and lived happily. He just wished he could tell the human exactly why he was there. But it would have to wait until Kai was sure Ruki wouldn't misunderstand and be angry instead. They just needed more time. He was so sure that Ruki was actually starting to warm up to him but he had yet to seek out Kai’s comfort on his own and that was what he needed from him most to determine how much to tell him and when. This trip was the perfect time to try out his theory too. Their manager had placed them in a room together since obviously Reita and Uruha would be in one and Aoi most of the time liked to be alone. So Kai figured he would just use the two beds to his advantage. If Ruki came to his bed willingly then they would talk, and Kai would open up a bit more about who he actually was. 

Until then though, he had to endure this flight and the sleepy blond man cuddled up in a mountain of blankets falling asleep on his shoulder. How the hell was Ruki always so cold? Right now he was wearing jeans and a hoodie so big he was able to pull his legs up inside of it. The hood he’d pulled up over his head and pulled his arms inside too. Then he’d asked Kai to wrap two blankets around him, one from the back, the other from the front. He’d even put a mask on just to keep his nose warm. Kai had offered other ways to keep him warm but Ruki had just slapped his arm and warned him to behave. So now he was forced to sit here and not wrap his arms around his human like he wanted because it would draw too much attention. 

For the first few hours, Kai had tried to sleep too but it wasn’t in the cards for him so he’d taken to watching his band mates and the people around them. Aoi had ordered a few beers to calm his nerves but it hadn’t taken long for him to drift off to sleep. Reita and Uruha had been chatting quietly in the seats directly in front of them, unaware that the demon behind them could hear their every word. They weren’t talking about anything in particular, just small things between themselves that invoked light laughter and a few small kisses that Kai could see through the gap between seats. Reita held the guitarist’s hand gently, rubbing his thumb back and forth over the back of his knuckles. Whenever something made him laugh Uruha would squeeze the bassist’s hand a little more and the smile in his eyes, the love, made Kai’s heart feel like it was out of breath, tight and uncomfortable. He’d never been in love before, and he honestly wasn’t sure if he was now either. The only thing he was sure of was that Ruki was the one he’d been looking for. He was perfect. A perfect soul unlike anything he’d ever seen before. Maybe he’d find out what love felt like. He at least knew what it looked like because the real deal was sitting in the row in front of him. 

His throat was tight as he snuck a hand under the blankets and wrapped his arm around Ruki’s waist. The blonde easily fell into his hold, soft little snores coming from his parted lips. They were in for a long flight, but for the time being he was comfortable. 

******

October 16th, 2005

“Fuuuuuck, I don’t think I have ever been this exhausted. I can’t feel my feet. My whole body is sore. All I want is a nice long, hot bath. And a lavender bath bomb. I think I brought one with me…” 

Kai grinned, opening up his suitcase to pull out the little tub with the bath bombs in it. Ruki had slipped them into his case once he’d reached the capacity limit in his own. “How about you let me run you a bath? You can soak and I will go to bed.”

Ruki’s head tilted cutely to the side even though a pout formed on his lips. “You stole my fizzys?”

“I did no such thing! You put them in my suitcase. And you all say I’m the forgetful one. Psh. Get your things ready, I’ll start your bath.” A pillow came flying at his head as he made his way to the bathroom followed by angry mumbles that made him chuckle to himself. Once the tub was filling, he went back into the main room. Ruki had stripped off his shirt and jeans and stood with one of the purple bombs in his palm. “All yours Chibi.”

“Don’t call me that. Are you- Nevermind. Okay, I’m going.”

“What were you gonna ask?” 

Ruki bit his lip, eyes slipping away from him. “I was going to ask if you were...really going to bed.”

Kai hummed. “I am. So don’t fall asleep in there.” 

“Whatever.” Ruki rolled his eyes and headed into the bathroom. 

What a sassy little thing he was. And now he was a blond diva on top of it. Knowing how long Ruki would be in the bath, Kai took his time getting ready for bed. Despite not needing to do many of the things humans did there were a few routine habits he did enjoy. Moisturizers for one, he found soothing before sleep, especially for his hands that always seemed to be tired from the amount of time they were wrapped around drumsticks. Since the room was warm to keep Ruki from freezing to death, Kai disregarded a shirt and pulled on a pair of thin sleep pants. He was going to melt by morning. Sleeping was another human necessity that he didn't exactly have to partake in but if Ruki was beside him he found the relaxing slumber to be comforting so he'd become used to going to bed at night as routine. 

Kai plugged his phone in and set his glasses on the bedside table before slipping into bed. The mattress was soft and the sheets cool against his skin. Despite not being tired, he found himself drifting off after a few minutes.

Sometime later Kai stirred from a dream of home to find the covers being lifted and a small body slipping underneath. Even through his haze of sleep Kai could feel his heart swell in his chest. Ruki had decided to join him then. Maybe the human harbored some feelings for him after all. He stayed quiet as Ruki settled beside him and lifted his arm to place it over his waist. 

“Yutaka? Are you asleep?” Ruki’s voice was barely a whisper, but Kai could feel his warm breath against his neck. This was a first. Over the years they’d been sharing a bed, even after the vocalist had let him start holding him, Ruki had never laid facing him. He’d said it was just too personal, and Kai had understood. He by no means wanted to force Ruki into anything or make him uncomfortable around him. 

“I was just resting my eyes.” He lied. “Are you okay?”

He felt the other nod, his head fitting under his chin. “I just...I didn’t want to sleep alone. I’m not used to it anymore. You know? That’s it.”

Kai felt his lips twitch trying not to smile. “That's it huh? Are you sure that's it?”

Ruki was silent for a moment, his heart beating quickly. “Yuta, would you...would you kiss me?”

Was he really hearing those words right? What the hell had Ruki done in the bath? Downed an entire bottle of wine? Kai already knew how he would answer the question, but it went against the very rules Ruki had set for him. He’d made a set of rules for how much Kai was allowed to touch him and kissing him anywhere on his face was the number one thing he was not allowed to do. Maybe this was a test. That was it! Ruki was testing him, and he was not about to fail this. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I promised that I would respect you and not push your boundaries or break your rules.” He said quietly, and tightened his arm around the human. This was enough for him, for now anyway. 

Ruki sniffed, pressing closer to him. “I know. And I thank you for that, but I think maybe it’s time to bend the rules, just a little bit. I’m giving you permission Yutaka. Please unless you really don’t want to, then kiss me.”

Kai took a deep breath but it stuttered as he let it out again. Really there was nothing else in the world that he wanted more than to kiss him right now, but Ruki seemed...nervous. “Nori, I want to, believe me, but you don’t sound so sure about this. I will do whatever you want me to do, but I don’t want you to be so nervous about it. I don’t want you to regret this decision.”

“I’m not nervous. I’ve just never...been kissed before. I’m certain I want this. I’m just sorry if I’m no good.” 

“Nori…” Kai chuckled. “My sweet little Nori. This isn’t something you need to worry about. Just close your eyes okay? Follow my lead and everything will be fine.”

Ruki chuckled just a little but otherwise stayed quiet. Kai loosened his hold on him just enough to lower his head. He felt the human’s deep intake of breath and softly pressed his lips to his forehead. A mantra of take it slow swirled through his mind as Ruki’s small hands hesitantly landed on his chest. If he moved too fast he’d be pushed away for sure. So Kai trailed his lips gently down until he could kiss the tip of his nose. The giggle that left the vocalist seemed to clear some of the anxiousness from the small space between them and sounded like music to his ears. Their breath mingled as their noses bumped, the hands on his skin were like fire. If he were human Kai might be worried about having a heart attack. But then their lips met, just a brush before Kai pressed on, capturing those beautiful lips. Ruki was hesitant, unsure of himself, but it didn’t matter. It was still the best kiss he’d ever had. Before too long he was able to poke his tongue out to lick along Ruki’s bottom lip and a small moan slipped from the now parted flesh. Unfortunately the vocalist must have startled himself because he was pulling away now, but just slightly. He was licking at his lips, eyes closed and small frown on his face. 

“I must be the universe’s worst kisser judging by the face you’re making.” Kai tried to joke, but Ruki just shook his head slightly. 

“No. No Yuta. I just didn’t expect to uh, like it so much. But what if I wanted you to kiss me again?”

Kai couldn’t help but grin. “Nori I would kiss you anytime. All you have to do is ask.”

“Will you be here when I wake up in the morning?”

“Hmm. How about I get up a little earlier, leave you all tucked into bed here, and make sure everyone else gets going then come back and wake you up. We could take advantage of the giant shower once more before we leave for the airport. How does that sound?”

Ruki’s smile was bright even in the darkness of the bedroom. “That sounds perfect. Um, do you think maybe I could ask right now though?”

“You’re an addict! I wouldn’t want you to have to go through withdrawls. Come here.” Ruki was giggly once again as Kai pulled him closer and kissed him. He pushed a little further this time, gently rolling the other on to his back. Ruki didn’t protest, even when the drummer settled between his thighs. 

Before falling asleep a little while later, Ruki had a couple small love bites on his shoulder where he’d been a little over indulgent and Kai felt his scalp tingling from having his hair yanked on, but as he drifted off to sleep again with the little vocalist warm and safe in his arms he couldn’t possibly imagine a better way to spend their last night before going back to Tokyo. 

**********

July 29th, 2006

“What am I supposed to do? They aren’t going to be able to understand me and I sure as hell can’t understand them! This is going to be a mess!”

Kai sighed for the millionth time in the last hour. He and Ruki were finally done in hair and makeup and now they were just waiting backstage for everyone else to get done. Uruha was sat on the provided sofa playing some handheld video game that Kai had yet to understand but he didn’t seem to even notice that they were in the same room with him. Ruki had been ranting and raving about the fact that the fans here wouldn’t be able to understand him for over an hour now. Kai knew the language barrier wasn’t really the issue here, it was just what the vocalist had decided to focus all of his anxieties on. This was their very first show outside of Asia and they were all nervous but Ruki was taking it to a whole other level. Hell he was practically shaking right now. 

“Nori.” He said softly, reaching out to rub his hands up and down the other’s arms. “If you’re so worried about this then just let me translate for you. It’s not that big of a deal. You won’t be speaking too much and it’s easy enough for me to help. Then you won’t have to worry. Just go out there and do what you do best, alright?”

“You can do that? You speak German?”

“I told you I can do just about anything. Leave that part to me. You just need to calm down before you make yourself sick being so jittery.”

Ruki nodded, the blond and brunette twists of hair at the end of his ponytail swished back and forth. “You’re right. Of course, you’re right. This is just- it feels like I’m out of my league here. I’m sure everything will be fine once we’re on stage. I just gotta get there. I can’t believe you speak German though. What other languages do you speak?”

“Whatever language you want me to. Want me to whisper something sexy in your ear in French?” He teased and just like he expected, Ruki blushed and averted his gaze. 

“Don’t be stupid.” Ruki replied, but there was a mischievous glint in his eyes and he stepped just a bit closer. “How would I know what you were saying if it was in French? Just stick to Japanese.”

“Your wish is my command Nori.” He said, taking a risk and leaning down to wipe that smirk off Ruki’s face with a quick kiss. The other slapped a hand over his own mouth, eyes wide as the rest of their band filed into the backstage area. 

“Ten minutes till curtain!” Sekai yelled and Kai left a stunned vocalist standing there looking completely dumbfounded. 

*********

“So you and Taka, huh?”

Kai stopped drying his now clean face to stare at Uruha in the mirror of the dressing room. Ruki had long ago ran off somewhere with Aoi and Reita, but they couldn’t have been too far away considering he could still feel the human relatively close. Ruki was tired and happy which usually made for and extremely chatty chibi. It was no wonder Uruha had sent them all away. A lot of times after lives the younger guitarist liked silence, liked to be alone. 

“No, there is no me and Taka. Where did that question even come from?” He asked, looking away to finish cleaning up.

Uruha shrugged, wiping off the rest of his heavy eyeshadow. “I saw you kiss him earlier. I thought maybe he’d finally told you.”

Kai just about stabbed himself in the eye with his own finger as fast as he whipped his head around to face the other man. “Finally told me what exactly?”

Uruha pursed his lips together, looking every part the ducky he desperately fought not to be called. “That he’s head over heels in love with you obviously. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that though, so you didn’t hear it from me.” 

“That's not possible Kou. We've...talked about that. And that kiss you saw meant nothing. I was only trying to distract him.” Fucking Uruha had seen them?? They'd both thought the guitarist wasn't paying attention! If Ruki found out that someone had seen them, even if it was only Uruha, he would be so pissed off. He wasn't going to allow Kai to touch him again was he?

Uruha rolled his shoulders. “So the fact that you two look at each other like there's no one else in the world when you think the other isn't looking means nothing? Because I know that look. Aki looks at me like that and I'm pretty certain I look that dumb when I see him too. So maybe you both should pull your heads out of your asses and confess your feelings.” He said nonchalantly before grabbing up his case and duffel bag. Leave it to Uruha to say something so monumental in such a casual way. 

Kai was almost thankful the guitarist decided to leave the room after his words of wisdom because he was about two seconds away from having a mental breakdown. They’d been so careful. He hadn’t ever hid the fact that he liked showing Ruki affection from the vocalist but he hadn’t really thought about how he actually felt towards him. And he’d never even considered the fact that maybe Ruki had any feelings towards him. Sure, he had been more open to his gestures, and even seeked them out a few times, but Kai was fairly sure it was only because the other was lonely. While Aoi didn’t have a problem spending nights with women he’d just met, Ruki wasn’t like that, so it was either spend his time with Kai or no one. And Kai would be lying if he said he hadn’t taken advantage of this fact. 

But it was too soon to tell Ruki everything. The human would balk for sure. No, he needed to wait a while longer until he was was certain of how Ruki felt for him. Then he would tell him why he was here and what he was looking for. He just hoped Uruha would keep his mouth shut until then. 

August 6th, 2006

Honestly Kai hadn’t expected to be this excited. Hell, he’d lived through so many events of much larger magnitude and yet this simple moment had him literally vibrating with anticipation. This was Burst into a Blaze, a festival built around only their band. All of this for just them. For the first time in the last four years, Kai actually felt like he belonged here because he’d finally realized that despite not feeling the human side of all of this, he had struggled and worked just as hard as the other four had. This was just as much a victory for him as them and it felt damn good. And what made it even better was the fact that the rest of his band must have been feeling something similar. A strange sensation of accomplishment that they just hadn’t felt with the albums and videos. This was different. A more visceral feeling. 

“There are so many people out there! I hope I don’t get too distracted by the fireworks. I’ve been worrying about that all day.”

Kai watched with a smile as Reita bear hugged Ruki from the back and shook him a bit. “At least you don’t have to start singing right away. So if you get distracted I’m sure the fans will too. They’ll never notice!”

“Aaaaki stop shaking me!” Ruki complained, his voice bouncy, and Reita finally set him back on his feet. Kai was so happy to see that Ruki had learned to interact with Reita normally without the awkwardness between them that the bassist hadn’t even realized was present. He felt no jealousy towards Reita when the vocalist spent time with him, which he was honestly surprised by. Ruki belonged to him and only him, but with Reita and the others of their band that sense of possessiveness never reared its ugly head. Once again he just felt at home. More than he had in a long time, at least since he’d made his way topside to start his search. 

“Yutaka make him leave me alone!” 

Ruki’s whine pulled Kai from his wandering thoughts and he slipped his arms around the vocalist and gently yanked him away from their torturous bassist. The others were laughing, teasing Ruki and he just laid his forehead against Kai’s chest. 

Reita grinned at him, his eyes bright. “Some day Chibi, Yutaka won’t be around to protect you and that day will be next to the ocean and I will throw you in the water. Your tiny little ass is going in the sea and no one can stop me!”

“In your dreams Aki!” Ruki snapped, turning just slightly in his arms. “I will never touch that water. Ever.”

Uruha smirked, arms crossed over his chest with a knowing look in his eyes. “I guess that means Yutaka will just have to stay with you forever then huh?”

Ruki was quick to quip back despite the heart palpitations Kai was currently having. “I guess he will. Someone’s gotta protect me. I’m small and too cute to be bullied.”

“Oh so now you’re going to use the small and cute card eh? Oh Taka you’re gonna look so cute dressed up as our little elf for Christmas this year! Won’t he?” Aoi exclaimed a bit over dramatically, but hey, it was Aoi after all. 

“Do you want to fucking fight Shiroyama?”

Kai held Ruki back from going after Yuu and they were all laughing at their antics. This was exactly how they should be. All smiling and happy. And the quick kiss to his jawline unnoticed by the other members before they headed out on stage told Kai that there was no way this day could end poorly.


	6. Chapter 6

April 25th, 2008

So many boxes. Too many boxes.   
When had they accumulated so much stuff? Kai hadn’t even realized there was this many things in their little apartment. And most of this was Ruki’s, wasn’t it? None of these boxes had his name on them. Couldn’t they have waited a couple of weeks to do this? They’d just finished their tour finale five days ago!

The finale at Yoyogi had felt unreal and was over far too quickly. The adrenaline from the long tour leading to the two final shows had started to wear off the moment they stepped back into their old apartment and now Kai just felt exhausted. Even with the stamina of a demon, he was worn out. So he knew Ruki must have been feeling worse, which was why he had tried to move most of the boxes out of the moving truck by himself. But damn this guy had collected too much stuff! Kai wanted to complain, he really, really wanted too, but Ruki had agreed almost eagerly to moving in with him when it had been announced just before the start of tour that the band members were ready to move apart. Reita and Uruha of course would be living together and Aoi seemed so elated about his apartment and having a space to call his own. Kai had been worried that Ruki would move far away from him, but his concerns were unfounded. The vocalist had turned and asked him where he wanted to move to in the city without a second thought. The two of them living together without having to worry about who was home to catch them being more intimate than they should. It sounded like a dream to him, he just hoped Ruki wouldn’t regret the decision. 

“How many more are there?” Ruki asked as he came out of the apartment complex. He did look tired, hadn’t even bothered styling his hair or putting on makeup. He wore big sunglasses and a slouchy beanie, but as far as Kai was concerned, he was still the most beautiful creature on the planet. 

“Only a few. Why don’t you go lay down for awhile. You look like you’re sleepwalking.” Kai suggested, grabbing another box and walking towards the front of the building. He wasn’t surprised when Ruki didn’t follow, deciding to pick up another box instead. Of course he wouldn’t listen. 

“We’re almost done. I’ll help. Most of this is mine anyway, isn’t it? I’m not that tired.”

Kai didn’t argue, just opened the doors for them both and followed the shorter man into the elevator then into the apartment. Ruki had picked out the place for them. Two full bedrooms with ensuite baths upstairs, open kitchen dining room on the middle floor and a giant living room with an extra room they planned to use for a small studio downstairs. It was perfect, but he’d be lying if he said sleeping in separate rooms was something he was looking forward to. That was something they hadn’t talked about but Kai assumed now that he had his own bedroom and an actual bed that Ruki wouldn’t want to stay with him. Why else would the vocalist insist on a two bedroom apartment?

“Can you move the boxes here down into the living room? And I’ll get the rest from the truck okay?” He offered and thankfully this time Ruki didn’t argue. It took him seven more trips up and down to get everything, much longer than it took the vocalist to move the few boxes downstairs and when Kai walked down the softly carpeted steps he found Ruki curled up in the corner of their new sofa sound asleep.

Kai smiled, sitting down beside him. He knew Ruki would be fine sleeping here, he fell asleep in the strangest places, but Kai couldn’t help but think he’d be more comfortable in his bed. He easily lifted the vocalist into his arms, unsurprised that he didn’t even stir from sleep, and carried him up to the top floor. Ruki had indulged and bought himself a western, king sized bed. It was fairly high off the ground too and done in black sheets with a dark red trimming. It was very...Ruki. Making sure not to jar him too much, Kai laid him down and pulled the duvet up to his shoulders. Ruki released a heavy sigh and curled up into a little ball again. It took a handful of minutes but eventually he left the bedroom to start unpacking the rest of their things. 

**********

The sun was hanging low, the city beyond their overly large windows settling into a rusty red color. This and sunrise were Kai’s favorite times of day here in the human realm. He loved the way the light gave everything an overall fuzzy look. Like you were looking at a picture of Tokyo instead of seeing it first hand. Whether sunrise or set it always felt like the beginning of something. A start to a fresh day or perhaps the start of a calm night. In hell light was given off in bright shards of reds and oranges like this from their sun but the equivalent of the moon hung just behind and below it, a dark blue orb of swirling color. They did not revolve like the Earth did, for Hell was not a planet. They were ever present but somehow parts of the land were still kept cold and dark. Not where Kai lived though. His home was swathed in fiery light that left the stone gleaming. 

Home. He missed it. 

It had been a little over ten years since Kai had made his journey into the human realm and he felt as if he was beginning to forget bits and pieces of his own world. The thought of losing the mental images of his home, his family, terrified him, but he’d known he couldn’t go home until he’d found what he was sent to search for. And now that he was so sure he’d found it...he’d willingly placed himself in a situation where he couldn’t return home for more than a decade. What if he forgot the lilting sound of his mother’s voice? The sound of crystal clear water splashing up onto sand as black as night? The feel of stone under his bare feet as he wandered the halls of his home? There was no way he could forget those things, right? He could make it. Then he’d take Ruki and show him all of the wonderful things about his world. Oh how badly he wanted to show the other everything. He just knew Ruki would love his home just as much as he did. They just had to get there first. For now though he wanted to make sure the vocalist got everything he deserved while he was still here. 

He was just finishing putting the rest of the dishes they’d bought into the kitchen cabinets when he heard a shuffling sound from behind him. Kai turned around to find Ruki making his way into the kitchen, his socked feet scooting over the hardwood floor. He yawned, rubbing at his eyes and reminded Kai more of a small child than a twenty-five year old man. When he finally looked up, a smile spread across his beautiful lips. 

“Yuta, did you move me upstairs? I could have sworn I fell asleep on the sofa.”

He nodded. “I did. I just thought you’d be more comfortable in your bed. Did you sleep good? You look more rested.”

“I am, and I did. Thank you for taking care of me. I’m sorry I left you to unpack by yourself. You should take a break. Come on, I’ll order takeout. Let’s just watch a movie or something.” 

Kai was going to protest, Ruki didn’t need to apologize, or thank him for that matter, but before he could refuse, the vocalist had already shuffled closer. This was how it had been working lately. Ruki would never hug him first, but he’d move close enough and stand still until Kai got the hint and slipped his arms around him. He would sigh and lean into the embrace, sometimes returning it, other times not, either way Kai never complained. This was a good start. And not a day had gone by when he hadn’t remembered Uruha’s words about Ruki having deeper feelings for him. He just hoped that one day the other would confirm those suspicions. 

This time though, Ruki’s smaller arms snaked around his waist and he laid his head on his chest. “We can do this tomorrow can’t we? It’s already getting dark. I don’t wanna work anymore today. Please?” 

Like he had the will to say no? “Alright. You order, I’ll go put in a movie, something I want to watch this time because you’re just going to fall asleep a quarter of the way through anyway.” Kai teased and the other just chuckled. 

“Can’t say you don’t know me. Fine. But I’m ordering ramen. And you can’t stop me.”

The vocalist pulled away, grabbing his phone from where he’d left in on the kitchen island earlier in the day and dialing in a number they’d called far too frequently. Kai laid flat the box he’d just emptied and stacked it with the others before heading back downstairs. Maybe it was time he introduce Ruki to some actual Sci-fi movies. That would definitely put the other to sleep. He laughed at his own mental joke, flipping through his case of movies, he picked one that he didn’t mind not finishing and stuck in in the dvd player. 

By the time Ruki joined him the opening credits were already past and he didn’t even bother pretending he wasn’t going to practically sit on his lap. Kai had learned when they were alone to leave Ruki the small space between himself and the corner of the sofa. He liked to sit there and drape his legs over the drummer’s lap. This time was no different. He was scrolling through something on his phone, eyes focused on the small screen. 

“What are you reading?” Kai asked, trying to look at the words. 

“It’s a like...rundown? of the last show at Yoyogi. A fan wrote it. They really pay so much attention to everything we do huh? That’s amazing. I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday, but this girl remembered all these little details about the show.” A sly grin slipped onto Ruki’s face. “Here at the end she’s talking about you. About how cool you looked throwing your drumsticks. I think she’s in love. Do you want me to get her phone number?”

Kai rolled his eyes, poking the vocalist in the thigh. “I think she’s probably a bit young for me. But then again maybe she’s older and maybe she would treat me better than you do. I could use a girlfriend I guess. Maybe one that thinks I’m so cool like that. You never tell me I’m cool Nori.”

Ruki just stared at him. “I don’t have to tell you any of that garbage. I’m not your boyfriend. If you want to run off with some girl that will stroke your ego then go for it. I won’t stop you.” 

He could tell Ruki was trying to sound unphased by the whole conversation but his anger, and dare he say it, jealousy, was showing through like oil sliding easily through water. To be honest he wanted to push more and tease Ruki until the other was truly good and worked up, but this didn’t seem like the time to do it. Instead, he lifted Ruki’s head with a finger under his chin until he could meet his olive-brown gaze. “You are the only person, human or not, that I am interested in. Only you Nori. I thought this would have been obvious by now.”

For a moment Kai began to think that Ruki was going to ignore him, then that he was going to get angry, but neither happened. The vocalist just blinked at him, eyes wide as saucers before he was ducking his head, hair falling over his face. “Yutaka. Do demons ever...date humans?” He asked, voice so quiet Kai barely registered he was talking. But the question left his heart leaping in his chest. Was Ruki finally going to give into his advances a little more? Was he finally getting it? Did he understand now that Kai wasn’t just in this for his soul?

“It doesn't happen very often. You humans are stubborn. And demons can't live in your realm indefinitely. It weakens us and after too long we will fade away. Most humans won't give up their life here to be with a demon in hell. I know of a few who have and they were mated before our king. They're happy, very happy. But it's a risk to fall for a human. Demons, despite being physically strong, have very weak hearts. We fall in love with everything we have so it is difficult if that emotion is not reciprocated.” 

“But you gave me fifteen years...how long can you last here?”

Kai chuckled, brushing some of that unruly hair from the other's eyes. “I will be fine. I am bound to you so I will not fade.”

Ruki chewed on his bottom lip. “If you're bound to me then what happens after you take me with you? Will you abandon me then and come back here to find more humans?”

“No. I will always be bound to you. I have no intention of abandoning you or letting you go once I take your soul. I can't...tell you more than that right now, but I promise I'm not going anywhere.” He tried to reassure him while at the same time trying to make him understand. 

“So when you say you're interested in me...you mean me me? Like all of me?”

A grin broke out on Kai's face as a blush rose on Ruki's that suited him so well. “All of you Nori. Every bit.”

“Oh.” Ruki stared down at his hands. “Oh. Um, that's...let's watch the movie okay?”

Kai let the conversation drop, knowing Ruki would need to think on it. That was fine. Kai was a patient person. 

November 15th, 2008

It looked like a sea of people. From where he sat behind his drums Kai couldn’t see any space not occupied by more people that it should. In fact, there were too many people. This show was supposed to be small, a secret live. They’d expected somewhere around two hundred people but apparently the secret hadn’t been very well kept. They’d started a bit earlier than was planned after Sekai had told them the show was for sure going to get shut down. He said the unofficial count of fans was somewhere near six thousand people. Kai had heard his own jaw hit the ground at that news. Aoi had said maybe it wasn’t a good idea to go on after all. If a crowd like that got too wound up things could quickly get out of hand, and while that was true, Ruki wasn’t having it. They came here in the cold, stood here all day just to see us. We can’t let them down! Ruki had been so adamant that they go on stage for at least one song. They couldn’t let their fans down and in the end everyone had agreed. 

Now as the last few notes of Leech rang out, he heard the police sirens. They were getting shut down. He could see Sekai on the side of the stage waving for them to get off the stage. Ruki quickly and a bit chaotically, told the fans thank you and to be safe before he too was ushered off stage. Everything happened so quickly, they were forced into a van and taken away from Shinjuku. 

“I can’t believe this! Did you see all those people? It’s incredible! Ah, I feel like I’m floating.” Aoi exclaimed from the back of the van. Kai felt the same way. Jittery with leftover adrenaline. “I say after we get done at the studio we go out for drinks.”

“I’m in.” Uruha stated cooly. 

Reita rolled his eyes, elbowing his boyfriend. “No surprise there. I guess I’ll go, someone has to drag his sorry drunk ass home. Taka, Yuta? You’ll come right?” He looked at them over the back of the seat. 

Ruki shrugged. “I guess, there’s really nothing else to do anyway. I’m not going to drink though.”

“You know.” Kai started. “We’ve been together for over six years and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink Nori.”

“You don’t want to. Trust me.” Reita said, and didn’t seem to be teasing. “He gets all giggly and really, really clingy. Like a hyena-leech hybrid.”

“Shut the hell up Akira. You and Kouyou broke a table last time you drank. At least I’m fun.” Ruki snapped back, lifting his chin in defiance. “Maybe I will drink after all. I have to put up with you somehow.”

Kai wasn’t sure which he was more scared of now, Ruki being a giggly little girl or Reita and Uruha destroying the bar. 

**********

“I am not that drunk. I can walk by myself!”

Kai sighed, heavily, as small fists pounded half-assed against his back. Ruki was definitely that drunk. After his third round of some fruity thing that he’d sworn didn’t have much alcohol in it, the vocalist had done exactly what Reita had said. Inhibitions nonexistent, he’d made his way out to the club’s dance floor, all alone amongst numerous strangers, and Kai had watched as he bumped into them. At first he’d been worried, Ruki was small after all, but the smile that graced his face alleviate his concerns. Kai couldn’t remember ever seeing the human look so carefree. He was beautiful in a whole new way. Once he’d finished dancing, dripping with sweat yet still so happy, he’d plonked himself down on Kai’s lap in front of their friends, but the others didn’t seem to care. Maybe they’d been a bit too drunk to do so. It was when they’d decided it was time to call it a night that Ruki had become a bit belligerent. Apparently he wasn’t ready to go home and he was going to let anyone within earshot know it. 

In the end Kai had picked him up over his shoulder and carried him out to the car. Even while trying his best to beat him into submission, Ruki was still laughing like every noise around him was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. He would never take the vocalist to another bar. And if he had to it was going to be strictly orange juice for him. 

By the time they made it home, Ruki was still unable to stand on his own and he kept humming some tune to himself that had no definite rhythm but seemed fairly amusing at least to him. Kai could have lived without it. Despite the vocalist’s giggly complaints, Kai managed to get him to his bedroom. 

“I don’t want to go to bed yet Yuta. I’m not tired at all and we’re supposed to be celebrating aren’t we?” He whined. Before Kai could get a grip on him Ruki had jumped up on to the bed and wrapped his arms around his neck. “Kiss me. I want you to kiss me. You said anytime I wanted.”

Kai frowned, pulling the vocalist’s arms away. “Yes, I did, but I never agreed to kissing you when you were drunk and you are definitely drunk. So how about we shelve this conversation and get you in be-” He was cut off as plush lips were crashed against his own. The kiss was nothing like they’d ever shared before, it was rough and messy and...unpleasant. 

When Ruki pulled away his eyes were hooded, shiny, and Kai could easily tell he was about two seconds from breaking down into tears. “Nori? Hey, baby come on. Don’t cry. Don-” The first sniffle left Kai’s heart on the floor. Fuck. He really couldn’t take it if Ruki started crying. 

Fat, salty tears fell from his pretty eyes, and he hiccuped which Kai had to admit was actually kind of cute. His words though, were not. “You don’t...you don’t wanna kiss me anymore, do you? You d-don’t like me anymore.”

“What? That is not true. You’re just drunk. You drank too much. How about I stay with you tonight? Hm? I’ll sleep with you here and in the morning we can talk all about this. Okay?” He tried to reassure him, using his thumb to brush away the droplets on his cheeks. 

Ruki swallowed noticeably hard, running a hand back through his hair. “I- I would like that I think. Yeah...I gotta change…”

“I’ll help. Come here.” 

Ruki didn’t fight him as he pulled him off the bed and stood him back on the ground. He quickly undressed him and changed him into a long sleep shirt before tucking him into the bed. Kai slipped off his shirt and jeans, lifted the covers and crawled in next to the vocalist. He pulled Ruki close to his chest, burying his nose in his blond hair. 

He was tense, but slowly Ruki began to relax and it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. Kai wasn’t too far behind him. Unfortunately when morning came, Ruki laughed off his antics from the night before. Their talk never happened. 

December 24th, 2009

Christmas Eve. 

There was a quality to this night unlike any other during the year. Even more so as soft, powdery snow covered the city. Everything seemed so pure and silent. This was a night meant for family, for friends, for loved ones. A most peaceful evening. They’d had a Christmas Eve live. Aoi had come up with the name, Hymn of Crucifixion. It had been one of the only lives that Kai had been looking forward to having over. He was so ready to just go home and enjoy the rest of this night. He and Ruki had decided to stay in and spend this time together. Maybe it wasn’t together in the way Kai wanted, but it was something. 

They had just dropped Aoi off for the night, and were pulling up to Reita and Uruha’s apartment complex. 

“Have a good night guys. We’ll see you for the party tomorrow right?” Uruha asked as he opened the van door. 

Kai nodded. “Mhm. We’ll be there. You guys enjoy your night too.”

Then it was just the two of them left with Sekai. They were silent, Kai watching Ruki as the vocalist stared out the window. He was watching the snowfall, looking rather sleepy. He had a feeling their alone time was about to be cut short when they reached home. Ruki just looked too worn out to stay up much longer. It was already eleven o’clock. They said their goodbyes and stood beside the building’s entrance watching the van drive away. 

“It’s so beautiful. Isn’t it? Everything is so...beautiful. I wish snow wasn’t so cold. I love it. I guess we can watch it from the apartment though huh?” 

“Yeah, all wrapped up in blankets with some hot cocoa. We’ll turn on all the lights and relax.” Kai told him as they headed inside. They stripped out of heavy coats and boots and Ruki shuffled off upstairs while Kai stepped into the kitchen. 

He was just adding little marshmallows to the cocoa, white chocolate for him, dark for Ruki, when the vocalist came back downstairs. He was now dressed in a giant, thick sweater and sleep shorts. His arms were full of blankets too. Kai picked up the two steaming mugs and followed him downstairs. The living room had an extra cozy feel to it with all the holiday decorations and lights. They even had a tree all lit up. Kai had put new wax in their melty pot so the room smelled of roasted almonds. After setting the mugs down he opened the curtains of the two giant floor to ceiling windows on the east side of the room. When he turned back Ruki had already bundled up in his blankets but held one edge open like an invitation, one that Kai would definitely be accepting. 

Ruki had turned on some soft Christmas music Kai finally noticed as he settled down beside him, daring to wrap an arm around his waist. They talked for awhile, quietly as if not to disturb the atmosphere built up around them, and sipped cocoa as snow continued to fall bright in the moonlight. 

“I'm glad you're here with me Yutaka.” Ruki said as he leaned forward to place his empty mug next to Kai's on the coffee table. “I'm...happy I had someone to spend the holiday with that I care about. That's what Christmas is about right? Being with the people who care about you and you care about them?” 

Kai smirked, pulling the vocalist back against his side. “Is that your round about way of telling me you're interested in me now too?” 

Ruki's hands fumbled with the edge of the blanket, pulling it up around his shoulders. “I just...I'm kind of scared to admit it. You know? You're...a demon and I know you're going to kill me, but lately I haven't been caring about that as much. I've been trying to imagine you're human and I just like being around you. Alone with you. But I'm afraid of what you'll do to me if I let you have my heart.”

The words were poetic but heartbreaking all the same. Ruki wouldn't understand, couldn't be reassured until Kai told him the whole truth, but it just wasn't time yet. The vocalist was just going to have to trust him. “I understand that Nori. I really do, and I wish I could give you more than just my words to assure you that I have no intention of ever hurting you, but right now that's all I have. I promise your heart will be just as safe as I will keep your soul, just bare with me a little longer. We can pretend this conversation didn't happen if you want. Just go on like we have been.”

“I don't want that.” Ruki said, his voice much stronger than before, and he turned around to sit up on his knees. “I don't want to pretend anymore. I've been pretending I don't have feelings for you for awhile now and it's exhausting. I want to trust you, and I'm going to choose to do so because I want to be happy. Whatever is going to happen to me in hell, I- I'll worry about that later.”

Kai didn’t respond to that, didn’t feel the need to, instead watching as Ruki slid onto his lap. He’d never seen the other so confident yet so nervous at the same time. He settled atop Kai’s thighs, his fingers lacing behind his neck, and for the first time Kai felt he was allowed to touch the younger man in a way he hadn’t before. While Ruki hadn’t verbally given him permission, it felt like something had changed. So he took advantage of it, keeping their gazes locked as he let his hands wander up his bare legs to soft thighs and further to his waist before settling on his lower back. 

“You lost weight again during the last tour, didn’t you?” He asked, trying not to sound like an overprotective parent and probably failing. 

Ruki shrugged. “A little. I’m fine though.”

“You have got to find a way to eat when we’re not in Japan. You can’t live on coffee and cigarettes.”

“Okay, okay. I will try harder next time we go. I promise.”

Kai decided that was the best he was going to get. He could worry about that problem later. And his mind was otherwise occupied anyway as Ruki’s lips gently pressed to his own. The kiss was like lighting a match, fast and explosive. He ran his hands up to between the vocalist’s shoulder blades, forcing him closer against his chest as the kiss became more heated. For the first time Ruki opened up for him, parted his lips and Kai slipped his tongue in just enough to get a taste of chocolate and marshmallow that still lingered there. Ruki didn’t seem to know what he was doing but he followed Kai’s lead like he had the first time they’d kissed and that was enough. The air between them grew hot too quickly as their tongues danced and breath mingled, heartbeats accelerating at a dangerous speed, and Kai had to pull away just to breathe. 

Ruki rested his forehead against Kai’s, his breath coming in short pants. “Take me to bed Yuta. Please?”

Eh? Wasn’t it far too soon for something like that? Ruki had never even kissed like this before, surely he wasn’t ready for full on sex, right? 

“Nori, I think we should wait. It’s just so sudden and I don’t thin-”

The vocalist slapped at his chest with a frown. “I was talking about sleeping you big idiot!” He snarked, but then he was back to giggling, that beautiful smile back on his face. 

Kai sighed in relief. Maybe he was an idiot. Instead of answering, he lifted the other up, forcing Ruki to wrap his legs around his waist. “Yutaka!” He exclaimed, gripping tight to his neck. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” He teased. “I’m just taking my princess to bed.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“I know.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some actual demon!Kai!!

July 20th, 2010

Aoi was going to quit. 

Kai knew the guitarist planned on telling the rest of them just after the live that night. He gave no hints to his plan and had Kai not been able to get inside his head, he wouldn’t have known anything about it either. Part of him understood. Aoi was frustrated and exhausted. This tour hadn’t been like they’d expected. It had been long and surprisingly difficult. They’d started snapping at each other only a couple days in and moods had just grown more sour as time went on until most of them didn’t even speak unless it was work related. Even Reita and Uruha had let the quickly unraveling peace build a wall between. They weren’t sleeping in the same hotel room, the fleeting, personal smiles to one another had become a thing of the past. The entire atmosphere surrounding their band was so tense, everyone was on edge. 

Ruki had been more distant too. He hadn’t exactly been rude, towards him at least, but he was so quiet and that alone was disconcerting. Kai had tried to close the growing gap between them a couple nights ago, just sat on the edge of the bed and rested his hand on Ruki’s hip, but the other had just shrugged him off and went to bed. He’d wanted to tell the vocalist about Aoi’s decision but if something happened and Aoi changed his mind he didn’t want to worry Ruki for nothing, so he kept it to himself. 

Even now while he was walking through the venue, checking and rechecking this and that, speaking with staff, and just trying to focus on something other than the dwindling composure of his band. Kai didn’t want to think about what would happen if everything did fall apart. He and Ruki had been doing so good, becoming so close, but now it seems as if they’d made two steps forward and ten steps back. Not being close to Ruki was starting to wear on his nerves too. He was becoming a bit temperamental though he tried his best to hide it. It wasn’t the staff, or the other members, or even Ruki’s fault that his attitude had taken a dive. It was only his, but he decided to blame it on their bond. Something was going to have to change soon before he lost his temper for real though. 

After the hundredth walkthrough he’d done so far, Kai ended up in hair and makeup alone. Usually Ruki came with him but lately he’d just been alone. His usually stylist, a woman named Kori, had obviously noticed the absence of the vocalist Kai had just been waiting for her to bring it up . 

“Where is Ruki-chan? He hasn’t been coming with you lately. Is everything okay? Riki and I have been talking, it seems there is some tension between you all. I don’t like the feel of it.” She said, piecing out parts of his hair to start straightening. 

Kai glanced at up her in the mirror. “You and me both. I don’t know what’s going on. It’s like some kind of black cloud has been hanging over us from the beginning of this tour. I hate it, but every time I try to point it out to any of the others they shrug me off or snap at me. This is driving me crazy, and if you’ve noticed it too then at least I know I’m not already there.”

Kori hummed in agreeance sectioning out another part of hair and clipping the rest on top of his head. “What bothers you more, that the members are at odds right now or that it seems to be driving a wedge between you and Ruki-chan?”

“What exactly is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on. Maybe no one else has noticed but I have. The way you two look at each other? How long have you been together?”

Kai swallowed past his suddenly dry throat. “We aren’t together.” He corrected. “We never have been. Maybe we’re close but only as band mates. That’s all. So of course I’m upset that we aren’t really speaking, but only as much as I am about everyone else. Don’t look into it so much.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay. Maybe I was looking at things crosseyed. Forget I said anythin-”

Before she could finish her sentence she looked up towards the doorway. Kai turned too, seeing Ruki standing in the doorway. He looked nervous, wringing his hands in front of him. 

“I uh, I’ll come back in a little bit. Excuse me.” He said quickly before ducking out of the room and back down the hallway. 

Kori chuckled. “Yeah, nothing going on there. You’re absolutely right.”

***********

Kai wasn’t surprised by the lack of conversation backstage before the encore, but it didn’t make him feel any less...down. Honestly, he hated every moment of this. He'd just finished pulling on his long black cardigan when he heard Ruki clear his throat somewhere behind him. He turned to find the vocalist stood in the middle of the room, he hadn't even changed yet. 

“Um, I'd uh...I'd like to say something.” He started, looking more nervous than anything else. The others turned to watch him and only seemed to make it worse. Ruki wouldn’t even look up as he started to speak again. “I uh, this tour...it’s been so stressful. I feel like I’m not even playing these shows with my band anymore. You guys are my best friends.” Kai’s heart lurched in his chest as Ruki finally looked up again and his eyes shone with unshed tears. “I don’t want to do this without you guys. This should be the happiest night of my life, of our life, and my heart hurts because I’m so sad. I don’t know what’s gotten into all of us, but I don’t want to look back on this night and regret that I let it go by like this. I know that my attitude hasn’t been any better than the rest of yours. And i’m sorry. I don’t have an excuse or a reason, and I’m sure you guys don’t either. So could we just...try to make this last part of the night the best?”

The others kind of grumbled a bit but eventually nodded and it seemed like a weight had been lifted from their shoulders without them even realizing it. Like just pointing out their problem out loud had alleviated their worries. Uruha looked over to his boyfriend and motioned down the hallway. Reita seemed to understand, he got up and said something to Ruki before following Uruha down the hallway. Aoi didn’t say anything, but he did squeeze the vocalist’s shoulder as he headed off in another direction. So it just left Kai alone with a rather relieved looking Ruki. 

Kai beckoned him with his finger to come closer and Ruki willingly stepped forward, standing just between his parted knees. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against his stomach while his arms slipped around his waist. Ruki’s fingers carded through his hair, nails gently scraping along his scalp. Kai could feel his entire body loosening, muscles relaxing, just from having the vocalist in his arms again. He hadn’t even noticed just how tense he’d become over the last couple weeks. 

“Yutaka...I’m so sorry. I’ve been so horrible to you lately.” Ruki murmured above his head and Kai lifted his own to look up at him. 

“You don’t need to apologize. Like you just said, it wasn’t just you. We’ve all been off, this whole tour.”

“I know, but I know my being distant hurts you, and I think I was doing it on purpose. I’ve felt so...messed up inside lately, and I wanted to take it out on someone else. So I took it out on you and I’m sorry. I haven’t been taking care of you like I should.”

“Nori, it isn’t your job to take care of me.” Kai chuckled, tightening his arms and pulling the other closer to him. “Quite the opposite actually. I’m supposed to be protecting you.”

Ruki shook his head. “I like it the other way around. You’re my demon, right? So I should take care of you. I think maybe tonight when we go home I could do just that.”

That piqued his interest. “Oh? How exactly do you plan to take care of me then?”

The vocalist was blushing again, his eyes bright and smile even brighter. Kai wasn’t sure even his immortal heart could handle it. “I d-don’t know. I mean, I’m still not quite ready for...all that, but I want to do something. Maybe just a little more than just kissing like we had been? I want you to touch me more. Would that be okay?”

Fuck yes it would be okay. “Anything you want baby. You just say the word and I’ll do whatever you want me to do. On one condition.”

Perfectly manicured brows rose in question at him. 

“You have to kiss me.”

“Yutaaaaaa. We’re in public!” Ruki whined, laughter in his voice, and he tried to pull out of his arms. Kai wasn’t having it though and after a moment the vocalist leaned down to press their lips together for just a second. Even after he pulled away Kai kept a hold of him, he just had one last thing to say. 

“Hey, Nori? I want you to know that I’m proud of you. For standing up to everyone a moment ago and trying to make things right. I’m very proud.”

An expression Kai had never seen before settled on the other’s face. “Yutaka...I l-”

“Two minutes!!” Ruki was interrupted by Sekai calling them back to the stage and he just shook his head. “Nevermind. I’ll tell you later.” He said, backing away to get ready for their encore. 

**********

The first notes of Miseinen rang out and Kai could tell just by the sound of Ruki’s voice that the vocalist was struggling to keep it together. He looked over in time to see Aoi bend over, wiping his arm across his face. The guitarist’s thoughts were so loud that he couldn’t help but hear them loud and clear. The number of I’m sorry’s became a blur in his mind until he had to sever the link between their minds and Kai wasn’t surprised to feel hot tears streaking down his own face. At least no one could see him back here. 

At the end Ruki was on his knees behind the middle stage riser, head bent forward. The others were dropping their instruments, gathering in the middle near the vocalist and Kai joined them. He’d bent over slightly, hands on his knees but Ruki backed into him, knocking him back slowly onto his ass, the smaller man falling on top of him. They were laughing now though and he rolled Ruki over onto the stage. He had his face covered by his arm and Uruha was trying to get him up without prevail. It seemed a pivotal moment for them all, a change for the better. They would be okay. And many tears, hugs, and hours later Kai found himself in the back of the van, Ruki snuggled up against him, on the way back to their apartment. Aoi had told Ruki everything too. He’d apologized for coming so close to letting them all down but Ruki had just hugged the guitarist tight and told him he understood. Aoi had looked as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. Reita and Uruha had seemed to make up too, their fingers linked as they walked up to their apartment building. Kai had watched a satisfied smile curve Ruki’s lips as his eyes followed his bandmates. 

“Tonight turned out much better than it began huh?” He said, and caught sight of Sekai nodding in agreement up front. 

Ruki shifted, lacing their fingers together. “It did. We conquered it didn’t we?”

“Mhm. Aki was right. You’re not too small for Tokyo Dome after all.”

That earned him a slap on the arm. “Of course I’m not! At least, that’s how I feel right now anyway, like I could do anything!”

That gave Kai pause. His mind flashed back to the moment before the encore. Ruki had been about to say something, something important, but then Sekai had interrupted hadn’t he? And Kai had been so sure that Ruki was about to say it. About to confess his feelings for real. If only their manager hadn’t stepped in at the most inopportune moment. “Well, if you think you can do anything, why don’t you tell me what you were going to say before we went back on stage? I’m dying to know what you wanted to tell me.”

“Oh. That. I’d like to tell you Yuta, really, but this just isn’t the right time. It’s just time sensitive. So just wait a little longer, okay?” He asked, and was back to nervously playing with his fingers. 

“Ah, so it’s like that then hm? Alright. I’ll keep waiting then. I’m sure it’ll be worth it.” Kai reassured him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Oh yeah, it was so going to be worth it.

**********

July 11, 2011

What the fuck?!

Kai sat on the floor in the corner of the room along with Sekai looking around at the shelves and tables and chairs that had just been overturned. The entire fucking building had just shook like some giant had picked it up and waved it back and forth before setting it back down. What did the humans call this? An earth...something….earthquake! That was it. There had been an earthquake. 

“Are you okay? Yutaka! Are you okay?” 

He turned his head towards Sekai, seeing how worried the other man looked. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I uh…” Kai’s heart stopped beating in his chest, a block of ice replacing it. Their apartment complex wasn’t too far from the studio. If the earthquake had rocked this building then it sure as hell had hit there too and Ruki...was home alone. He was home all by himself! “Sekai, I’m sorry but I have to go. I have to get home.” He said, taking off from the room even though he could hear their manager trying to call him back. Ruki had made him swear not to use any kind of magic unless it was an absolute emergency and Kai couldn’t think of what could possibly be more of an emergency than this. So as soon as he was in a hallway alone he concentrated and flashed himself in to the alley behind their building. 

Inside people were milling about everywhere. They were checking on other residents and whispering to one another. Everyone looked wide eyed and scared. Kai couldn’t even imagine how Ruki was dealing with this. Had he dealt with things like this before in his life? He had been in Tokyo much longer than Kai had. Still, he couldn’t get to the vocalist fast enough. And sure enough as he unlocked the door he found the aftermath of the quake here too. Bookshelves overturned in the living room. Television thankfully still hanging on the wall. Chairs were on their backs in the dining room and dishes had obviously come flying out of the cabinets. Ruki was standing in the middle of all the chaos, standing on his toes to place plates back into the cabinet. 

“Nori? Takanori are you okay?” He asked, moving towards him, but Ruki just put up a hand, not even bothering to turn around. 

“I’m fine. Just cleaning up. This place is going to take forever to get picked up. I guess if you’re home you can go ahead and start helping. Were you finished at the studio? I’m sure this made a mess over there too huh? Dammit!” He cursed, yanking his hand away from a pile of broken plates. 

Kai stepped over the broken dishes and grabbed for Ruki’s hands. He tried to evade him but Kai wasn’t having any of it. He just took the vocalist’s hand to examine the cut. The dish had just sliced into the part of his palm just below his thumb joint. 

“Nori...baby stop for a moment. Come here.” Kai gently pulled on Ruki’s arm, helping him over the mess and towards the dining room table. He set one of the chairs back up and had the vocalist sit down. “Okay, here we go. Just let me look at this.” He said, bending lower to examine the cut. Ruki didn’t say anything as he pressed his lips to his hand and focused all his energy into healing it. Once it was done he shook his hand, whispered a hurried thank you, and walked back into the kitchen. 

Kai watched for a few minutes as he shuffled around the room, putting things away, and sniffling every once in awhile. He definitely wasn’t alright, but he couldn’t do anything until the vocalist was ready to talk.

“Takanori? You don’t have to do this right no-”

“Yes I do!” Ruki snapped, turning around and leaning against the countertop. There were tears in his eyes and he was biting his lip. “I have to do it now. It’s a mess. It needs cleaned up. It needs done now…” He trailed off, a sob tearing from his throat. Kai was up and had the human in his arms in a second. 

“Shhh. It’s okay. I’m here. Come on.” Kai led him from the kitchen and upstairs into his bedroom. Once he was sat on the edge of the bed, Kai knelt down in front of him and took his hands into his own. “Nori, talk to me. I'm worried about you. I came home as fast as I could because I was worried.”

Ruki looked up from their conjoined hands and Kai finally saw the fear in his eyes. He was scared. “It happened so fast...everything just started falling and breaking and I was afraid to move but y-you weren't here and I know you aren't...aren't human, but I was so scared something would happen to you.” He pulled his hands away and put them on either side of Kai's face. “I was afraid you wouldn't come home and I love you and I needed you to come home. To come back to me.”

So that was it? Ruki had been scared but not for himself? He'd been here all alone with the apartment falling apart around him and he'd been worried about Kai? 

“I am never going to leave you Nori. You don't have to worry about that. I'm so sorry that you were here alone. I'm sure you were scared and I wish that I had been with you. But I'm here now. Everything's okay.” He said, sitting up on the edge of the bed to take the other into his arms. “I love you too Nori. I always have.”

Ruki’s arms slipped around him, squeezing him tightly as he laid his forehead against his chest. The other was breathing awfully hard and Kai had a feeling he was trying to keep himself from crying anymore so he just held him without saying a word. 

Sometime later when he was sure Ruki had settled down, Kai brushed his hair back with his fingers, planting a soft kiss to the top of his head. “Do you want to go clean things up now? Surely it will go much faster with the two of us?”

“No.”

“Okay, well, you can stay in here then and I’ll go finish it so you don’t get hurt again.” He said, trying to pull away from the vocalist. 

“No. Stay.”

“Nori, someone has to-”

“Stay. Stay with me.”

Kai sighed. There was no way he could say no. It was only in the next lull of silence that he realized what Ruki was up to, slowly unbuttoning the front of his shirt. Kai held his breath as cold little hands slipped into his shirt and onto his heated skin. Ruki had never touched him like this. Even through the showers they’d taken together and sleeping together Kai had always been very conscientious of how and where he’d touched the human and Ruki had yet to instigate any kind of physical closeness despite a kiss here and there. Even after the admission of his feelings when they’d kissed, that’s all that had happened. And though the younger man had eluded to something happening after the live at Tokyo Dome, nothing had come of it. Kai wasn’t upset about any of this. He’d wait forever for Ruki to make the first move, but he hadn’t expected it in this situation at all. Why now?

Ruki slid his hands upward, pushing the shirt from his shoulders and leaning forward to press kisses to his now exposed clavicle. 

“N-nori.” He stuttered out. “Stop a second. Wait.” 

He frowned, but didn’t remove his hands. “Why? I want to kiss you.”

“It’s just not a good time. Not right now.”

A scoff. “I waited too long, didn’t I? I should have told you sooner. You say you love me, but not in the right way. I know you wanted me at some point, it’s just past now right? I guess I brought that on myself.” He said, pulling his hands away. 

Kai grabbed one of his hands, pressing Ruki’s palm to where he was already mostly hard. The vocalist’s eyes widened, his lips parting on an exhale. “Does this feel like I don’t want you?” He moved the other’s hand against himself rather shamelessly, a small groan falling into the space between them. “I don’t want you, Nori. I need you. I crave you. I hold you close at night and I ache for you. I dream of tasting every inch of you, day after day, night after night. I want you pinned to this bed, calling out my name. I don’t want you to be able to think about anything else but me.”

“Yutaka…”

“But if I let you go any further right now I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop myself. I only have so much self-control and the last nine years have pushed me to my limit. So unless you’re going to let me have all of you, please do not tease me.” He finished, releasing Ruki’s hand that was immediately drawn to his chest. 

“Nine years...Yuta, I-” Ruki paused, glancing down at his own hand where it rested in his lap. “What if I didn’t want you to stop?”

Kai’s heart lurched in his chest, heat boiling up all over his skin. “Don’t tease me Nori, I’m serious. This isn’t the time to be playing around.”

“I’m not!” He snapped. “I’m not playing around. Why do you think I made the no touching rule? Hm? I light up like a fucking firework everytime you’re near me and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I’m not used to feeling like that towards people and I was scared. But I’m not now. I’m not…” Ruki trailed off, sitting up on his knees. 

Kai was powerless to stop the kiss even though he was fairly sure he should. Ruki’s lips were too sweet, so soft and warm, and Kai wanted to devour him. The kiss was feverishly hot, quick intakes of breath between rather sloppy meetings. His fingers found purchase on the skin just under the back of Ruki’s shirt, pulling him closer and forcing his back to arch until he was off balance. He shivered under Kai’s touch but didn’t pull away. No, in fact he climbed right onto his lap, straddling his thighs. Ruki’s fingers dug into his hair, tips brushing over his scalp, but paused, pulling away from his lips. 

“What the hell? Yuta?”

Kai laughed as he rubbed his fingertips over the little nubs on his head. “Sorry. Sometimes when I get aroused it’s hard to keep my human guise in place. Pieces tend to breakthrough. Don’t worry, my horns won’t hurt you.”

“Horns?!” Ruki squeaked, yanking his hands away. “You have horns? Yutaka, you don’t really look like this?”

“Eh, for the most part. I’m a humanoid demon so I pretty much look like this. My skin is a different color and my horns are fairly big. I have wings...a tail.”

Ruki looked like he’d just seen Kai’s soul detach and float away from his body. “T-tail?” He gulped. Kai hadn’t even thought about the fact that Ruki may react negatively to his true form. He’d been so used to being human he’d almost forgot that he didn’t look this way. 

“I uh, yeah. I should have told you sooner I guess.” Kai gently lifted Ruki off his lap and stood up. “I can understand your disgust. It’s not normal for you. Don’t worry, most humans can’t handle it. I’m going to go for a short walk. I’ll be back in a little while okay?”

Kai tried not to let his heart fall too far as he turned towards the bedroom door. He didn’t blame Ruki. The look of horror on his face shouldn’t have been a surprise. And part of him knew he hadn’t told the vocalist about his true form because he knew exactly how he would react. Any human would react this way. He was not angry at Ruki. He just needed to get away from him so he could calm down a bit. So despite the other calling him back, Kai left the apartment building and walked down the road. Maybe he could stop into his favorite coffee shop to distract himself. 

****************

A little over an hour had passed by the time Kai approached the door to his and Ruki’s apartment. He’d gone to the coffee shop to find that it had fared better than their place but still needed some picking up so Kai had been happy to help out, anything to distract him from going home. He hoped that the morning had been emotional enough that Ruki had fallen asleep. He’d just go in and finish fixing the kitchen then lock himself in his bedroom. It was as good a plan as any he supposed. And luck seemed to be on his side since there was no sign of the vocalist on the second floor. Kai didn’t bother announcing that he was home, it wouldn’t matter either way. 

He set about picking up broken dishes, despising the quiet around him that allowed too many thoughts to bang around in his head, but he prefered it to the sound of Ruki’s voice.

“Yutaka?”

Kai didn’t turn around, he didn’t have the heart to. “Don’t worry. I’m just going to finish here then I’m going to my room. I’ll finish the rest of the house tomorrow. I know you have to go to the studio so I’ll do it then. Just go back upstairs for now.”

“So you’re just going to avoid me now?”

The anger Kai had been keeping at bay was boiling just below the surface and though he knew Ruki didn’t deserve it, he whirled around and snapped at him. “I saw your face Takanori. I saw the disgust. I have no right to be angry at you, I should have told you long before now, but I still am. I guess I had just hoped it was something you could handle. I just need some time to get myself under control. I have to learn how to deal with minimal contact with you. So I will stay out of your way as much as possible, but please don’t make this anymore difficult than it already is for me.” He finished, the anger bleeding away the longer he spoke. 

Ruki didn’t flinch. “I don’t want to make things difficult for you, Yuta, I just want you to forgive me.” He said calmly. “You didn’t even give me a chance to process all of this before you bolted out of here. Of course I was shocked. How could you expect me not to be? But I wasn’t disgusted. Nothing about you disgusts me. You can’t just run from me though. If you had just stayed we could have avoided all this nastiness.”

Kai scoffed, turning around to brace his arms on the counter. “You really think any amount of time is going to make you feel any different about this?” He said, allowing his voice to warp, deepening into his true voice. His teeth elongated, razor sharp, and his skin began to fade into an inky grey as he grew to his full height. Kai could feel his horns growing, curling towards the back of his skull before looping back up a bit at the ends. His wings stretched out across his back, thick and leathery while his long tail swished along the ground behind him. His hair grew too, now a pitch black that matched his eyes. He heard a yelp from behind him before something hit the ground and he figured Ruki had fallen backwards. Kai could smell his fear, like burning metal in his nose. 

“You truly think you’ll ever be able to get passed all of this?” He asked, staying human just enough to speak, and turning to find the vocalist sitting on the kitchen floor, scooting back until he hit one of the dining room chairs. Kai advanced on him, completely aware that he was intentionally scaring the hell out of him. He reached down, tipping the human’s head up with a finger under his chin. “You honestly believe you won’t fear me now?”

To his complete and utter surprise, Ruki opened his eyes to look up at him and there was something in the other’s stare, determination maybe, that had him staying still. He was curious to see what he would do next. And Ruki didn’t disappoint. No, even with his chest heaving, he stood up on shaky legs and reached his hand up to lay his palm against Kai’s cheek. 

“You’re still my Yutaka. Y-you’re still the one that loves me. Aren’t you?” He whispered, glistening eyes focused on his face. 

Kai studied him for a moment before closing his eyes and turning his head to nuzzle into the human’s palm. A heavy sigh of relief fell from Ruki’s mouth, his entire body shivering as Kai lifted his hand again, his sharp nails just barely grazing Ruki’s cheek as he slipped his hand behind his head, cradling it in his larger palm. It took a few moments for Kai to figure out how to say what he wanted. Demons spoke telepathically so his true form wasn't accustomed to human words. 

“L...ove. Nori.” He managed to get out, nodding his head to try and make the human understand. 

Ruki's face lit up, a smile on his perfect lips. “That's what I needed to know. Can you uh, can you not talk like this?” 

Kai shook his head. “Demon no talk.”

“Then how do you communicate?”

“Only head.”

“Ohhhh.” Ruki seemed to get it then, pointing to his own head. “Can you talk in my head like that?”

He nodded, instantly searching for and finding the link to Ruki’s mind. 

‘I’m sorry, we have no use for verbal communications in hell. I...never learned to speak much.’

Ruki shook his head. “That is so cool. If we could talk like that on stage things would be so much easier huh? Can I touch you?”

Kai nodded again before dropping his arm back to his side. He’d let Ruki do whatever he wanted as long as the human could accept him like this. He couldn’t imagine how much it would hurt for Ruki to deny his feelings now. 

The vocalist was timid as he once again unbuttoned the front of Kai’s shirt and pressed his palm to bare skin. Just like he expected, Ruki yanked his hand away, watching as a dark black handprint slowly faded from his skin. “What the fuck was that? Did I hurt you?”

Kai chuckled. ‘I am extremely cold blooded. When you touch my skin it imprints because your hand is warm. It does not hurt, I promise.’

Ruki looked skeptical but eventually ran his hands up to push his shirt off completely and Kai used a bit of magic to make the shirt phase through his wings so it would hit the floor. He watched, unable to keep a smile from his face, as Ruki kissed all over his chest, giggling at how the marks turned deep black for a moment. It seemed as if his curiosity was too high to remember he was kissing a demon, and Kai was perfectly okay with that.

“We should go back upstairs, ne?” He asked, looking up at him sweetly. 

Kai knew nothing was going to come of this tonight and that was okay. By the end of the evening Kai had explained to Ruki that being in his true form was the equivalent of taking off your shoes after a long day of work. It felt good to be himself, and Ruki had agreed that it was fine for him to stay like this while they were home alone. 

Ruki had even decided his tail was ‘not that weird’ after all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah sorry it took so long! Just a forwarding, I fail at writing smut very VERY hard. So judge softly please 😂 Also I realized italics don't show up on here? So I hope the dialogue makes sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah

March 10th, 2012

Could someone be so fucking obvious? 

Ruki watched, rather blatantly, as Screw’s guitarist, Kazuki, helped Aoi straighten out the collar of his long black coat. They had a set together with a session band in a few moments, and Kazuki was fussing over the older man quite a bit. He couldn’t help but wonder if Aoi could tell how in love with him the younger was because it was fairly obvious to everyone around them. They’d all grown quite close to the other band and it hadn’t taken more than a few weeks for the rest of them to start noticing how clingy Kazuki was to their rhythm guitarist. Not that any of them minded. Aoi deserved to be happy, and Kazuki definitely had the older man smiling more than usual. Ruki only wished they would stop this stupid game of trying to hide their feelings from everyone else because Aoi may have been sneaky enough to pull it off but Kazuki so wasn’t. 

“Why don’t you to just get a room? The rest of us are getting sick to our stomachs.” Uruha snarked as he walked by the two guitarists. 

Aoi didn’t even pull away from Kazuki’s grip on his lapels as he smirked at his friend. “Oh Kou, don’t be like that. We all know you’d rather watch.”

‘Poor Kazuki’ Ruki thought as he watched the younger man turn every shade of red imaginable. But at least Aoi had made a joke instead of outright denying that he would even be in that kind of situation with the guitarist. It was a start. 

Before Uruha could retort a member of the carnival staff hurried into the room to announce that the next stage was about to start. 

“Well, I’m gonna check to see if my band is going to bother watching me. I’ll see you in a minute.” Kazuki said with that ever present smile and then he was out of the room. 

Ruki was getting up to go find a place to watch from but Aoi’s hand on his arm stopped him in his tracks. 

“Hey, can I ask you something really quick?”

Ruki cocked a brow at him but nodded. The raven seemed nervous and he hadn’t seen him like this in a long time. Maybe he should be a bit serious about it? “Sure, what’s going on Yuu?”

“Well, you know how we were all talking about meeting up at your place tomorrow to just hang out after the festival? I was just wondering, because I know that it’s about our band, and spending time together after being so busy, but-”

“Just spit it out Yuu.” Ruki chuckled. 

The older man took a deep breath, a smile slipping onto his face. “Do you think it would be alright with everyone if Kazuki came too? I know he isn’t part of the GazettE but...he’s part of me.”

Ruki was full out grinning up at that nervous face. “Does this mean you’re going to finally admit that there is something going on between the two of you?” 

Aoi just smiled a bit shyly. “I’m not admitting to anything. If there’s something Kazuki wants to say, then I’m sure he will, if you allow him to come over that is.”

“Of course he can come. I think it’s about time he comes and joins us. I mean it’s been years Yuu.” 

“I know, I know.” Aoi laughed, waving his hands in front of himself. “I’m going to go tell Kazuki before we go onstage. Thank you Taka. Seriously. This means a lot to me.”

As he was left alone Ruki couldn’t help but feel lighthearted. Things were looking so good. And once the lives were over tonight he was headed home with his boyfriend to relax for the rest of the night before spending the next day with his band. They were going to have a little barbeque in the park just behind their apartment complex and spend the rest of the evening just chilling and watching movies until they passed out around the living room like they had years ago. 

Ruki had been looking forward to this for months.

************

Despite the time he'd had to become accustomed to it, Ruki still had a hard time believing he wasn't dreaming. Sometimes he could almost trick himself into believing Kai was just human, but other times, like now, it was...much more difficult.

Ruki was sat against the headboard of their bed, sketchbook propped up on his knees, but it wasn't the concept for the new album cover that his eyes were focused on. It was the demon laying haphazardly across his bed, scrolling through his phone with a clawed thumb. It reminded him of one of those unrealistic paintings where an old farmhand was using futuristic technology while sitting in a horse drawn carriage or something. And he couldn't help the way his eyes roamed over what was visible of the demon. His wings were hidden for now since they tended to get in the way, this form stood at almost six and half feet tall, he already took up enough room. 

Deciding it wasn't worth trying to keep up the facade of work, Ruki sat his sketchbook on the bedside table and scooted closer to Kai's side. The demon turned his head, shiny, pitch black eyes roaming over him before he smiled and went back to his phone. Ruki took advantage the moment to look over his boyfriend, starting at his calves, left bare by a pair of sweatpants. His skin was so odd, the grey color was beautiful, not dull or ashen like Ruki had originally believed the first time he’d seen him. And it was soft, so soft. He trailed his hands up to his back, marveling at the breaks in soft skin that gave way to inky black scales about the size of a dime. These places were random all over Kai’s body and at first Ruki had been afraid to touch them. Kai had assured him that it was okay, that it wouldn’t hurt him. He then curled his fingers into long black hair that felt like silk before rubbing a little at his horns. Those had taken some getting used to. And they weren’t just black like he’d originally thought, but had thin gold rings around them every so often. Kai liked to be scratched at the base of them and it caused that thrumming sound to come from his throat. He’d told Kai that the sound made him think of a dragon and the demon had just grinned and told him he wasn’t so far off. 

He wasn’t afraid of Kai, at all. He seemed less demon and more puppy. Ruki had even taken a liking to the long tail that liked to curl around his thigh at night when they slept. It was soft, just like the rest of Kai’s skin except at the end where it was more rigid and seemed heavier. Kai had informed him that it could shift shape at the end and be used as a weapon, but Ruki had declined wanting to see it. Especially with how close to his groin that weapon had been. Nope, didn’t need to think about that. 

‘I feel like you're sizing me up for your next meal.’

Ruki felt the heat rising in his cheeks as Kai's deep, gravely voice filled his head. Wasn't he too old to be blushing like a schoolgirl? Why did he react like this still? 

“I uh, I was just admiring you? I never get tired of looking at the real you I guess. I know I was kind of...scared of you at first but Yuta I really like you being yourself around me. You're beautiful.” Ruki muttered the last part, his fingers lightly brushing along the exposed skin of Kai's back. 

He watched as the demon stretched out his arm, dropping his phone onto the bedside table before rolling on his side. He propped his head up on one hand while the other reached out to touch his knee. 

‘I'm glad you're not afraid of me Nori. There is not reason for you to be. I would never hurt you.’

That hand was driving him insane, the end of his sharp claw running over his skin and sending shivers through his body. It just felt so good. Too good. And so did every other time the demon touched him. 

“Yutaka?” Ruki blurted out before he was even aware he'd spoken. “Does it upset you that we haven't...you know...had sex?”

Kai's eyes narrowed. ‘Have I given you any indication that I have been upset by this?’

“No.” He murmured, fidgeting with his own fingers. “No, you haven't, that's why I wanted to ask. I never know what you're hiding. And we've never talked about it.”

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

“Maybe? I don't know. I've just been thinking about it a lot lately. I mean, I just turned thirty. It's kind of pathetic isn't it?”

‘It's not pathetic. There's no reason to be ashamed of this. There is no rule of the universe that says you have to have sex. And I've told you before that our relationship does not have to be physical. I would never ask you for something like that. I am happy to just be with you.’

Ruki nodded, slowly slipping his own hand over Kai's. “I keep imagining what it would be like.” He started, lacing their fingers together. “But I'm tired of just imagining.”

When he finally lifted his head again he found Kai grinning at him, sharp teeth on full display and it made his stomach do backflips. Was he really about to do this? 

‘You seem too nervous about this Nori. Are you sure?’

He scoffed. “Of course I’m sure. I’m not nervous at all. I’ve performed on stage in front of thousands of people. Why the fuck would I be nervous about this?”

The demon reached forward, pulling Ruki’s hands apart. ‘This is different. And I’m not going to let you belittle your fears. It’s okay to be nervous. But it’s just me and you here, you don’t have to hide.’ 

“I know...but I- I’ve…” Ruki stuttered, a blush creeping up to his ears. “I’ve seen you when we’re changing and stuff backstage and when we take showers together. Maybe not completely naked but still, I know it’s gonna hurt. I’m not a fan of pain.” 

Another deep chuckle and Ruki was honestly about to be pissed that Kai was outright laughing at him, at least until he spoke again. 

‘Nori, I’m a demon, remember? I won’t allow you to be in pain. Now why don’t you stop worrying so much and lay back. Just let me take care of you and at anytime it becomes too much, tell me and we will stop, just like that.’

Oh. Duh. “I won't stop you Yuta. I don't want to hurt you.”

The next thing he knew Kai had sat up, hands framing his face as those black eyes bore into his own. 

‘I will be fine. I can take care of myself later if need be. Please Nori, just let me take care of you. It's all I've ever wanted.’

Something in his chest ached at those words. Why did this creature care so much for him? Why when Kai told him he loved him did the words seem to carry so much weight? Kai made it sound like he'd waited lifetimes for just Ruki, and he just knew he was bound to disappoint. What did he have to offer that no one else did? He was nothing special, there were millions of other more interesting people out there. So why had Kai chosen him that night? Had it just been because he was easy prey? Ruki felt his insides grow sour from the notion. Maybe this was how all demons treated the humans they made contracts with until they took their soul to hell. Maybe...he wasn't special at all. 

Ruki blinked a few times trying to hold back his sudden anxieties and when he opened his eyes again Kai was human, his fingers brushing back through his hair. 

“What just happened? Where did you go?” He asked and hearing his voice again seemed so strange compared to the deep one he heard in his head. 

“No where. I just realized that everything I had dreamt up in my head probably isn't true and I'm once again confronted with how un-unique I honestly am.” He admitted, scooting towards the edge of the bed. 

“What do you mean?”

“I was weak. At my wit's end and scared when you found me. That's how you knew I'd make a deal, right? I was desperate. I guess I've always been kind of weak. I have to give it to you though, you've made this an okay experience for me. I truly believed that there was some bigger picture to this. That I'd been chosen because of something other than my fragile state of being. But that's not true. I was just...an easy target. So let's just drop this act okay? I'm too tired.” 

“Takanori!”

Without glancing backwards, he made his way into the adjoining bathroom and locked the door behind himself. He just needed some time alone to think and figure out what to do next. His band thought they were dating, so he'd just have to tell them he and Kai were splitting up and that it was amicable. They could just be roommates and maybe the hurt would wear off when the demon realized he didn't have to pretend anymore to be infatuated with Ruki. 

************

By the time Ruki was done, admittedly, wallowing in self pity, he expected Kai to have gone to bed. It was close to three in the morning after all and they'd had a long day. So when he left the bathroom his eyes didn't register the light all around the bedroom. The hundreds of candles sitting all around on every available service. Maybe his mind just didn't want to believe what they were seeing. What was all of this?

“Yutaka?” 

The demon held his arm out, hand outstretched. “Come here Nori. Please?”

Against his better judgment, Ruki crossed the now vanilla and honey scented room to take Kai’s hand. The other pulled him closer, turning him around to sit against his chest. Ruki relaxed back into that warm embrace, head leaning back onto his shoulder. “What is all this Yuta?” He asked, his voice barely a whisper in the quiet room. 

Kai’s hand slid down his arm until he could hold his own, fingers just caressing the back of his hand. “It’s for you. I know I’m not supposed to use magic, but I know how much you love candles while you’re taking a bath so I thought you might now too.”

“I...do, but I don-”

“I want to tell you something. Something very important. Will you listen? Please?”

Though it was probably the worst idea but Ruki was curious. And he wanted to know what this was all about. Why Kai was trying so hard to placate him. “Okay, I’m listening.”

“I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to tell you much about why I’m here. I know it’s asking a lot of you to just trust me, so I’m going to try to explain a little bit. You see, most demons are...low ranking. They have little to no power in hell or in your realm, so they make deals with humans. Like our bond gives me strength, the bonds they create gives them just a taste of power. But others that are more high ranking, we don’t get the privilege of forming those bonds.”

Ruki shook his head. “What do you mean? You made a deal with me.”

“I did. And I had to petition the king of hell to do it. Demons with my level of power have to have permission to make deals because of the strength we gain through our bonds. There is virtually nothing I can’t do while in a contract. So you can see why we have to jump through so many hoops.”

While he spoke, Kai’s hands had slipped onto the tops of his thighs, gently rubbing and massaging him through the thin material of his sleep shirt. This was the most intimate the demon had touched him so far and Ruki definitely didn’t mind it though it was a bit distracting. “So you had to get permission, that’s not such a big deal.”

Kai chuckled. “Well, getting permission entails more than just a ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. When I first petitioned the court for permission to make a deal with you, you had just moved to Tokyo.”

“Excuse me? Yutaka that was years before you showed up. You were watching me that whole time?”

The demon nodded, bending to place a few sweet kisses to his shoulder. “Yes. It killed me not to be able to help you sooner. But I couldn’t make a move until I had approval. The point of this story Nori, is that you were not random. You were not easy prey. And you were not weak. I was willing to wait for you because you are special. You are unique and you are the first and only human that I have ever made a deal with. And for the record, you are also the one and only person that I have ever told that I love. Because you are the only one I have ever loved. I promise baby. I only want you.”

Chills ran all over his body but made him feel hot as Kai’s breath ghosted over his neck. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but Ruki believed every word of what the demon was saying. Whether it was true or he just really wanted it to be, wasn’t clear, but one thing was. He was head over heels in love with Kai, and he was more than ready to prove it. Before he could lose what little courage he had left, Ruki turned around on his knees to face Kai. “I only want you too Yuta, but I want...YOU you. Real you. Please?”

Kai just grinned, his skin taking on its grey color as horns grew up from his head and his eyes went black. Yeah, this was his demon. 

“Much better. Now kiss me.”

Ruki’s heartbeat was all over the place as he was laid back, Kai hovering over him. The demon was sweet and slow, brushing cold lips over his own, but unlike every other time it didn’t stop there. His hands roamed up under Ruki’s shirt onto his waist. 

‘Can I take this off? Please, I want to touch you.’

“Please.” 

He sat up so Kai could pull his sleep shirt off and toss it to the floor. The room was warm but he still shivered. It wasn’t the first time he’d been half undressed in front of Kai but it seemed so different this time. A whole new level of exposed. His own insecurities kept trying to crawl to the surface but the feeling of sharp teeth scraping along his throat brought him back to reality. Ruki was hesitant, lifting his hands and placing them on Kai’s shoulders. He could feel the muscles under his fingers flexing as the demon dipped his head to press sweet little kisses to his collarbones and his breath hitched. Okay his boyfriend was insanely hot. And maybe it made him feel a little...out of shape. 

‘Don’t think like that. You are perfect. So small, so soft. So completely and utterly perfect for me and my opinion is the only one that matters.’

“You can't just say things like th- Oh fuck!” Ruki's hands slipped up into Kai's hair, gripping onto his long horns as his rough tongue licked over his nipple. Was that supposed to feel so good? The demon hummed, tugging at the hardened peak with his teeth. It took every ounce of his control to stay still and let go of his horns. Ruki wasn't sure if it would hurt Kai to hold them like that and he certainly didn't want to harm him. 

'You can't hurt me Nori. And it feels good when you touch them.’ Kai's voice purred inside his head and Ruki didn't think twice about returning his grip to his horns.

His mind was in such a haze. Kai had him reeling with his lips and love bites, kissing every inch of exposed skin until he met the waistband of his tight boxers. All the nerves that had slipped away were coming back in full force as the demon moved down the bed, nuzzling the inside of his thigh. A clawed hand gently rubbed at the front of his boxers and the first loud moan broke free from his lips, surprising them both. Kai only chuckled, lifting his head to check on him, but Ruki turned away, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. Was he really turned on this easily? At this rate he wasn't going to last long enough to satisfy his boyfriend at all. And thinking along the same line, shouldn’t he be doing something for Kai other than just laying here being selfish? 

Kai’s deep chuckle filled his head. ‘You’re not being selfish. I am. You are being completely selfless and letting me have you however I want.’ 

Ruki wanted to argue that Kai had this all backwards but before he could get the words to come out they were replaced by a series of whimpers drawn out as Kai gripped his waistband and slowly removed the last of his clothes. He couldn’t even look up at the other as he lay there now completely bare for the demon’s hungry eyes. It looked as if he wanted to literally take a bite out of him. 

“You’re making me nervous Yuta!” He whined, reaching up to lay a hand on the demon’s chest while reaching for the duvet with the other.. “If you’re going to stare at me at least let me cover up with something.” But Kai wasn’t having it. He just ripped the blanket from his grip and tossed it off the bed. The next thing he knew Kai was gripping his hips and rolling on to his back, leaving Ruki straddling his waist. 

‘Kiss me’. He said, hands caressing his bare thighs, and Ruki complied without hesitation, leaning down to press their lips together. Ruki was lost in those kisses, his hips moving unconsciously against the other’s as a cold tongue slipped past his lips to further distract him. And it was working, he didn’t even register the feeling of something soft trailing up the back of his leg until it was pressing against his ass. He yelped, sitting up straight and slapping a hand over his own mouth. His eyes darted around and he found both of Kai’s hands still secured on his thighs. But if he hadn’t been touching him with his fingers then that only left…

“Did you just try to fuck me with your tail?!” He squeaked, trying to cover himself up. 

Kai grinned, sitting up and scooting back so he could lean against the headboard. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spook you.’

“Spook me?! Yutaka what the hell? You can’t- It doesn’t- your tail Yuta.”

‘Baby it’s fine. It’s normal.’

Ruki scoffed, rolling his eyes and trying to move off of the demon. “Normal? How can you say it’s normal?”

Kai held on to him, not allowing him to run away this time. ‘Because it is for me Nori. For a demon it is normal. I can’t exactly use my fingers, now can I?’ He said, lifting a hand to emphasis his words by showing his clawed fingers. ‘I just want to make you feel good in the best ways I know how. I promise.’

Well….fuck.

How exactly was he supposed to deny that? All Kai had done so far was make sure Ruki felt good and comfortable and loved. It was time he trust the demon to take care of him now. “Will it hurt?” He asked, unsure of how to give Kai the go ahead. 

Ruki startled as the tip of that tail caressed along his ass. It felt warm where it touched, unlike Kai's normally cold skin, and Ruki had to admit it felt nice. 

'It might feel uncomfortable at first but it won't hurt. Demons...like sex. It's a much more excepted thing in hell than here and sometimes one will have more than one partner so our tails are not just weapons. And the ends can secrete an oil that serves as a sort of balm to keep our partner from feeling much pain. This IS normal Nori, and I want you to get used to the feeling before we go any further.’

True to his word, Ruki could feel that warm, slick feeling as the tip started to press into him again. It wasn't like he'd never fingered himself before. He knew what to expect but it felt so different with someone else being in control. It felt...better and before long Ruki found himself gasping, propping his hands against Kai's chest so he could rock himself backwards. Kai's breathing became heavier too, that weird thrumming noise filling the room. Could demons gain pleasure from this? He watched through half open eyes as the demon’s head kicked back, sharp fangs on full display. 

“My...Noooori...beautiful.”

Ruki had no warning. That guttural voice uttering his name, claiming him, left him falling over the edge, screaming out Kai’s name as his body convulsed. He felt his release, sticky between them as he collapsed on top of Kai. His heartbeat was in his ears, breath coming harshly from his throat. This wasn’t how this was supposed to end! 

“Yuta, I’m sorry.” He murmured, unable to lift his head from the other’s chest. He felt horrible, like he’d taken advantage of his boyfriend without giving anything back. 

“No sorry. Beautiful. Do again.” Was all Kai said, his tail retreating from Ruki’s body as the demon lifted him off to gently lay him back on the bed. Why was using his voice like this? Was something wrong? What did he mean by ‘do again’? He watched with confusion as Kai stood up only to strip out of his jeans and Ruki’s eyes widened. Oh. He meant ‘again’ again. 

“Yutaka I don’t know if I can again. Once is usually all I ha-” He cut off as a finger was pressed to his lips. 

“Again. Love my Nori.”

There was no way in hell, pun not intended, that he was going to tell the demon no. So Ruki ignored his own nervous fear, parting his knees in an invitation that Kai accepted without hesitation. He tried his best not to blatantly ogle the demon as he crawled between his open legs and covered his much smaller body with his own, but how could someone not devour such a perfect creature with their eyes? Ruki was only human after all. He is as weak to the charms of a demon. Very weak. 

Kai immediately buried his lips against the side of Ruki's neck as he angled his hips to line himself up for penetration. This was it. Like really it. There was no taking it back or changing his mind now. Not with the broad head of the other's cock slowly rocking against him, gradually stretching him to hit inside. Like Kai had promised, the pain was minimal, just enough to remind him what was going on, but by the time the other was fully sheathed inside his ass Ruki felt like he was going to burst. It wasn't warm the way Ruki had expected, rather cold, but not freezing. And the mixture of temperatures between them left his head spinning. 

One long claw scratched its way down his chest and stomach leaving behind an angry red mark and Ruki hissed at the pain, his body tensing, muscles clenching. Kai felt it, Ruki could tell by the almost animalistic growl that left his throat. 

“Feel...good. So good. Love….you.” Kai said, heavily breathing cold air on the side of his throat. 

Ruki hesitated only a moment before wrapping his legs around the demon's hips, pulling him impossibly closer. “You f-feel good too Yuta.And I love you too.”

A blast of cold breath hit his cheek and Kai's hips moved, starting a rhythm that quickly turned rough until Ruki had to grab on to the others horns before his boyfriend could fuck him off the edge of the bed. It didn’t take too long before he could feel Kai start to falter in his pace, was he close? Was he going to-

“O-out or...or in?” 

The words had his breath catching in his throat. How was he supposed to answer? Was it safe? 

“In. Yuta inside.”

Just as the words had left his mouth, sharp teeth bit into the side of his throat and Kai’s hands gripped his hips, pulling him with bruising force against his hips. Ruki shuddered as Kai filled him to the brim, cooling him from the inside out, but his boyfriend’s eyes were hidden from him and he was panting heavily, muscles straining. Ruki let his hands slide down from his horns to his back, massaging lightly while he whispered soothing words into his hair. 

“Shhh. Baby you did so good.” He said, his caresses becoming more confident along with his words. “Yutaka? Are you okay?”

The demon grumbled something Ruki didn’t catch before lifting himself up to press a gentle kiss to his forehead before moving off of him and heading into the adjoining bathroom. Ruki was confused for a moment before Kai came back with a small towel in hand. 

“Help you.” 

He didn’t bother arguing and let his boyfriend clean them both up, then toss the towel to the floor beside the bed before crawling back in with him. Kai’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him close, tucking him under his chin. Ruki sighed, pressing a couple kisses to the demon’s bare chest. He was so sleepy, but he had a question to ask before he could allow himself to fall asleep. 

“Yutaka? Why are you talking so much? Why don’t you just talk in my head like you have been? And um, thank you, for tonight.” It sounded stupid, even to himself, but Ruki honestly felt like he needed to thank the other, for taking care of him and always being there for him. 

“Want...talk like...you.” Kai let out a frustrated breath. ‘I want to learn to talk to you normally. I just need practice. I know I sound stupid and I promise no one else will ever hear me, even after we leave here.’

“Yuta I'm not worried about someone hearing. You don't sound stupid. Take as long to practice as you want. I'll help if I can.” Ruki answered, wrapping one of his arms over the demon's waist. 

‘I don't deserve you. But Nori, you shouldn't thank me for this. This was...if anyone should be saying that, it's me. I've been alive for a very long time, and this has been the best night of my entire existence. I only wish I wasn't so tired now. I don't want to fall asleep.’

Ruki felt his heart doing somersaults. This felt like some kind of dopey fairytale. Too cliche to be real. “Don't worry. I'll be here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally another update. Thank you to everyone that continues to read and comment. It means everything to me. I believe from what I have planned there are only three more chapters left to this fic :( I'm not looking forward to it, but I am excited to get the end of it out to everyone. So cheers!!  
> Also thank you to Toguro for helping me figure out the formatting problem!!!

**September 28th, 2013**

He's was being a total downer and Ruki knew it. He was just... home sick. They had one day to spend here in Paris without any other obligations to attend to and Ruki felt like he was definitely ruining it for everyone else. Even Kai was eyeing him suspiciously through the mirror in their hotel bathroom. Ruki was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, elbows on his knees watching Kai try to towel dry his hair and trying to come up with some excuse for him to stay in the hotel room for the day. 

“It's not like I won't have a phone here and Sekai will be here too. I won't be alone. You just go with the others and have fun. I'll only ruin everyone's time off.” He said honestly.

“Nori, we’re in Paris. One of the most beautiful cities in the world. I’m not going to let you sit in a hotel room all by yourself when we only have one day to enjoy this. Why would you want to stay in anyway? Are you feeling okay?”

Ruki shrugged. “I’m not sure. I just don’t feel like going out. I kind of just want to go home.” 

Kai hung the towel back up on the rack before kneeling down in front of him. “So you’re feeling homesick then?” Ruki nodded. “Well, you can’t let that ruin your chance for a new experience. I’ve been homesick for years now, but I won’t let it ruin any time that I have to spend here with you and the rest of the band. So I’m not going to allow you to let it ruin today. You can be angry with me but I’m going to drag you along anyway. So get dressed.”

  
  


The drummer had a point. And Ruki immediately felt horribly guilty on top of everything else. He was sitting here sulking about being away from home for a month while Kai had been away for years? Why had the demon chosen to give him so many years? Didn't he want to go home? 

Ruki hurried over to his suitcase to pull out some comfortable clothes, but honestly he felt worse now. Kai was back in the bathroom, blow-dryer running at full force, as he pulled on black jeans and a t-shirt, throwing on a black and white striped cardigan and his boots. Every moment made him sick to his stomach. Maybe he really was coming down with something, or maybe it was just the knowledge that he was the one keeping Kai from finding whatever he'd been sent to get so he could go home. 

“Yutaka?” He asked hesitantly, leaning around the door frame. 

“Hm?”

“Why are you here? I mean, why did you decide to stay with me when you could have picked some other human and gone home to your family sooner? I just...I’m sorry that I’ve kept you away from your home. I can’t imagine how you must feel. Y-you never mention your family so I guess I’ve never thought about what you left behind.”

Kai finished putting the blow-dryer away with a sigh and reached for Ruki’s hand. He hesitated but allowed the drummer to pull him into the bathroom and even lift him up to sit on the counter. The expression on the demon’s face was soft, looking at him with so much compassion present in his deep brown eyes, and it left Ruki’s heart trying to climb its way up his throat. There was no trace of anger in Kai's movements as he ran the brush through the vocalist's unruly hair. 

“That's a conversation for another time Nori.”

“You always say that.”

“I know, and someday I promise I will tell you everything, but that day is not today. All you need to know right now is that this was the right choice for me. I don't regret it. I don’t want you to think that at all. As for my family, what do you want to know about them?” He asked, brushing his hair back from his face. 

Ruki pursed his lips, trying not to get distracted by the way the tendons in Kai’s neck showed when he spoke. “Anything. Do you have parents? Siblings? Do you live with them? What are they like?”

The demon chuckled, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to his forehead. “I do have parents. They are quite busy people but they always make time for me. I'm an only child, but I have many cousins. I do live with them, and probably will for the foreseeable future. They're going to love you Nori. Especially my mother who is oh so fond of small and cute things.” He finished, pinching Ruki's cheek as he teased. 

“Oh fuck off Yutaka.” He grumbled but pulled his boyfriend closer anyway. “I hope they like me. I'm not much but I love you, that has to count for something right?”

Kai gave him one of those smiles that lit up the entire universe before sealing their lips in a sweet kiss. “It counts for everything.”

They stayed like that, sharing little kisses and tidbits about Kai's family, for longer than they thought. Reita's persistent knocking on the room door had them rushing to finish getting ready. 

************

Kai had been right. Eventually Ruki would have been disappointed that he'd missed this day to hang out with his band. Everyone was in good spirits as they perused different stores and Ruki of course stopped to pet every cute little dog that walked by them. Paris was just as beautiful as people say and it took less than an hour for his mood to be lifted, and his wallet to be liberated. Everything here was just too cute not to buy. 

“Taka? I think this is more your size.” 

Ruki turned away from the scarves he'd been trying to pick from to find Reita holding a bag that was anything but his size. If he put it on his shoulder the bottom reached his knees! It was one of those bottomless pits of a bag, with only one pocket, but he did like the braided leather handles and the soft feel of it. 

“Nori, I could carry you in that monstrosity.” Kai teased as he rejoined them, a long and soft grey sweater in his hands. The demon surprisingly loved clothes shopping which Ruki was thankful for. 

“Then I'll have to remember to leave a blanket in the bottom hm?” He retorted, securing the bag on his shoulder. “Did you try that on? It's so soft.”

Kai nodded, smile appearing on his face and Ruki knew his eyes would be doing that cute little scrunchy thing behind his wide sunglasses. “It's perfect. Are you guys about done? An employee back there told me there's a boot shop a few doors down from here.”

Ruki exchanged a moment's glance with Reita before they both took off for the register, Kai not far behind them. Aoi and Uruha had found a giant music store down the road and Ruki figured they'd have to go drag their asses out of there sooner or later but for now he was fine with just the three of them hanging out. Sometimes he missed being around Reita so much. It wasn't that they avoided each other, life was just busy. But Ruki honestly enjoyed the time the band had together during tour, it was about the only time he felt like he was surrounded by family. 

Aaaaaand he was becoming a bit melancholic wasn't he?

Ruki laughed at his own thoughts. He didn't need to go to that place. He lived in the present and the present wasn't deserving of that mood. Instead he looked up at Kai, mirroring his smile as the drummer’s hand slid into his own and walked along to the next shop. 

********

This was a nightmare. 

Not the club, or the music, or the drinks. Not his bandmates being chatty and giggly. Given different circumstances, Ruki was sure he would have been enjoying this place. And honestly up until about five minutes ago, he had been. Yes, he’d been thoroughly enjoying himself sat on Kai’s lap, the demon’s arm around his waist as they drank and laughed along with everyone else. Kai had even danced with him a little bit earlier though they mostly ended up just kissing during a slower song. No, it seemed as if nothing would be able to ruin this night. But a person sure could. 

And that person was standing at the bar with Kai now. The drummer had got up to get another beer but as he’d stood there waiting Ruki had watched a woman approach him. She was tall, definitely European, and beautiful. She looked...good next to the brunette, even Ruki had to admit that even as a swirl of nausea rocked his stomach. This was bad. Horribly bad. The woman’s hand slid on to Kai’s lower back as she leaned over to whisper something in his ear, and Kai laughed, that beautiful, light sound that Ruki thought was reserved for him. Now he was talking to her, smiling at her, and the vocalist felt like he was about to be sick. He watched as Kai pointed back towards him, but didn’t take his eyes off the blond woman’s face. She smiled at him warmly before slipping her hand into his. 

Ruki felt an ache in his chest that wouldn't stop no matter how hard he tried to suck in a deep breath of air. His lungs were on fire. All the air was being sucked out of the room. He clutched his chest, but nothing was helping, and that woman was still holding Kai's hand. The hand that only he was supposed to hold. That was only supposed to touch  _ him. _ Why? Why was Kai letting her do this? And she was pulling him. Pulling him towards the stairs that led towards the private rooms of the club, and the only thing Ruki could do was watch as they disappeared because it fucking hurt like hell. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move. 

All he could do was watch as the man he loved, who only hours ago had been telling him Ruki was his world, cheat on him without even a second thought. 

“Whoa. Taka, are you alright? Takanori, hey? You don't look so good.” 

A warm hand was pressed to his cheek and Reita's concerned expression blocked his view but all Ruki could do was stare at him and shake his head. 

“Guys where is Yutaka?”

“I thought he went back to the bar, but maybe the bathroom? I can go check?” Uruha suggested, already getting up from his seat. 

“It's okay. Just stay here. I'm going to take Taka back to the hotel. We'll just catch a cab.” Reita said, leaning over to press a kiss to Uruha's forehead before helping Ruki up. He leaned heavily on the bassist as they made their way out of the club and into the cool evening air. It only took a second to hail a taxi, and Reita thankfully didn't complain when Ruki couldn't muster the energy to sit up on his own. It just felt like all the life had been sucked out of him. Maybe Kai had thought he was too drunk to realize he was gone? Or did he truly just not care to begin with? The questions hurt almost as much as the picture painted on the inside of his mind of his boyfriend wrapped around some chick in a mess of sheets. 

Once they were back in the hotel Ruki was able to steer them away from his own room. He couldn't imagine being back in the room where he'd spent the past two nights safe and warm in Kai's arms. Reita didn't ask for an explanation, just unlocked the room he shared with Uruha and maneuvered Ruki to sit on the bed while he fetched a bottle of water from the mini fridge.

“Did you just drink too much?” Reita asked, his voice uncharacteristically soft as he say down beside him. 

Ruki could feel the warmth that always seemed to radiate off the bassist and it did nothing to calm him, calm the raging storm inside his head. He really just wanted to be alone, but he knew it wasn’t the best idea, and forcing his friend away wouldn’t be possible anyway. 

“No...I barely drank anything. It’s...it’s Yutaka. He went off with a girl to the private rooms. She was touching him and holding his hand. I just couldn’t watch. I felt sick. I should have seen this coming but Aki, it hurts so fucking bad. It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I don’t even know how to deal with this. I want to cry and scream at the same time.” He blurted out all the words before he could catch himself and he turned to see Reita’s expression change from concern to anger. 

“He what? Taka why didn’t you say something while we were at the club? I could have kicked his stupid ass right then and there. I’d have pulled him out of there and decked him. What the hell is he even thinking? You two are exclusive, aren’t you? I mean I’ve seen you guys together. I thought things were good? Did something happen? Better question, can I kill him?”

Ruki found himself giggling despite the situation and turned to look up at the bassist, reaching a hand up to push some hair away from his face. He hadn’t meant for the gesture to mean anything, hadn’t meant to make the moment awkward, but apparently his mind had other plans, as well as his lips that were now firmly pressed against Reita’s. There was a moment of shocked silence before Reita pulled away, hands on either side of his face. 

“Taka, what are you doing? I’m with Kouyou, you know that.”

The vocalist could feel tears building up behind his eyes again. Why the hell  _ had  _ he done that? “I know! I know Aki, I know. I don’t know why I did that. I just...I’m so sorry. So so sorry. I’ll tell Kouyou what happened, that it was all on me. I don’t want to hurt either of you. I’m just- I don’t even know.”

Reita didn’t say anything, just hushed him and pulled him into his arms. Ruki held on to his friend for dear life. Everything was spinning out of control and he just had to stay grounded somehow. The sound of the room door opening barely registered until he felt Reita tense up in his grip. 

“What the fuck are you doing here? Haven’t you done enough damage for one night?” The bassist snapped and Ruki turned his head to see Kai standing there looking more confused than anything else. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Yuu told me you’d taken Nori back to the hotel because he wasn’t feeling well and I came here as soon as he did.” 

Was he really going to just pretend like nothing happened? 

“Well he definitely doesn’t need you here. Why don’t you just go away before you make things even worse. This isn’t the ti-”

“Aki, stop.” Ruki interjected, pulling away from the bassist and standing up. “It’s okay. I can handle this. Go back to Kouyou. I think Yutaka and I have a lot to talk about.” 

Reita's brows came together in a frown. “Taka I don't think that's a good idea.”

“Obviously you being here wasn’t either Akira. Thank you for taking care of me. I promise I'll be okay.”

Though he obviously wasn’t pleased with the decision, Reita glared at Kai once more before leaving the room. What was left was a silence so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Ruki wasn't sure what to say, how to even begin this conversation. 

“Nori what happened? If you weren't feeling well why didn't you say something?” Kai finally asked, moving towards him but Ruki put up a hand to stop him. 

“Don’t you dare do that. Don’t act like you give a shit about me. I’m not sick. You ripped my fucking heart out Yutaka. Did you really think I wasn’t going to notice you running off with that woman? You didn’t even try to be secretive. How little do you think of me that you can just cheat like that?”

The demon looked even more confused but didn’t try to reach for him again. “Cheat? I didn’t cheat Nori. I didn’t even use magic to get here, that’s why it took me so long. That woman’s name is Kiali. She’s a demon. I went upstairs with her but then I felt you leave the club and I was worried so I explained to her that you are my top priority and she understood so I left to find you. I don’t understand how I have hurt you, but whatever I did I am sorry.”

“Whatever you did?! You’re sorry?” Ruki snapped, coming to his feet and all but screaming at Kai. He’d thought he’d be able to keep at least somewhat composed but he was too angry, too hurt. “You can’t just say you’re sorry and make everything okay. I’m not talking about you using magic Yuta. And you just admitted to going with her. You aren’t even trying to deny it. I thought you loved me. I truly thought that-” He cut off, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. “You made me believe that I was the only one you wanted. How could you do this? You know me, you know how badly something like this would hurt me, and yet you didn’t seem to even think twice about it. So why don’t you just go back to your whore huh? I don’t want you here anymore. We’re done. Deal or no deal, I refuse to waste anymore of my time or energy on you. Just leave.”

“Wait. Wait a second.” Kai started, refusing to move from where he stood. “You’re angry at me for going with Kiali? Is this some human rule that I’m not understanding?”

Ruki glared back at him, he wasn’t going to let Kai get away with playing dumb. “Don’t act like you didn’t know what you were doing. The way she was touching you.... Did you have sex with her or did I interrupt you? I hope it was worth it.” He scoffed, shaking his head. “Of course it was, you had nothing to lose, right? I already made the deal. You don’t have to- to pretend to love me anymore do you? I wondered when that game would get old for you. I just didn’t expect it to hurt this much. I guess I’ve always been a fool huh? Please, just leave.” He finished, moving further away from Kai towards the window. Outside the city was moving on, continuing it’s brilliant nightlife as if Ruki wasn’t standing here with his heart slowly rotting in his chest. He was going to die, and now he’d be alone then too. Maybe this is what he deserved for making a deal to help his future anyway. He’d firmly believed that being dragged to hell was the worse repercussion of the deal, but this...this was so much worse. 

He expected Kai to leave. To just turn away and go back to the blond woman he’d been so wrapped up in, because really, why would he stay if not only to hurt him more? But the demon didn’t leave.

No. 

Long arms the color of dull mercury slipped around his waist, pulling him back against a hard chest before Ruki could get himself away from that grasp. 

“Let me the fuck go! Let go!” He yelled, kicking his heel back into Kai’s shins which didn’t seem to even effect the other. 

_ ‘Humans continue to confuse me. Are you not free to be with who you want sexually before marriage? Why does me being with this woman upset you so? She means nothing to me. You are the only one I care for. I thought you understood that.’ _

Ruki’s body went slack in the demon’s arms as the pain in his chest finally burst, tears trailing down his face. “H-how can I understand that when you can so easily toss me aside? People in committed relationships don’t sleep around with other people! Once you give your heart to someone you’re supposed to be loyal to them. The thought of being with someone other than you makes me literally sick. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have been able to go with her. Do you even understand how disgusting and unworthy you’ve made me feel? How replaceable? Not even my parents could make me feel so unwanted as you have.” The words fell from his lips before he could think them through and though they were true, Ruki hadn’t wanted Kai to know how much power he’d had over him. Now it was too late. 

There was a pause so  _ loud  _ it gave Ruki an instant headache and the rapidly beating heart pressed against his back all but stopped, forming hard, inconsistent beats before Kai released his hold and allowed him to pull away from his arms. The look on the demon’s face made Ruki’s heart fucking  _ ache.  _ He looked so...broken. Either Kai was a fantastic actor or he...really hadn’t known what he was doing was wrong. But how was that even possible? What kind of creature just had sex with whoever they wanted without thinking about their partner? 

“Yuta?” He all but whispered into the suddenly cold room. 

The demon didn’t look at him, just dropped to his knees, forehead pressed to the floor.  _ ‘I am sorry Takanori. I did not kn- It doesn’t matter. I should have known. I should have talked to you about this beforehand. I just didn’t think about it until now. Please, I promise it will never happen again. I will never look at another person. Nori, please. I need you. Hate me. Hit me. Scream at me, I deserve that all but just don't force me to be without you. I can't...I can't live like that.’ _

Ruki wasn't sure what to do. He knew he couldn't hate the demon. He loved him far too much. But right now he was angry and despite knowing he would probably forgive Kai anything, he wanted to be angry for awhile. On the other hand he also wanted to know what Kai was thinking, why he went with that woman. 

“Tell me why you went with her. If you really feel so strongly for me, then why didn't you come to me? Have I denied you anytime you have asked for sex? Am I not...enough to satisfy you? I- I've been trying Yutaka, to do more on my own. To be more interactive and make it better for you but you never let me.”

Kai looked up at him then, dark black tears shining on his cheeks. He'd never seen the demon cry. 

_ 'No! You are more than enough for me. I could never want anyone as much as I want you. But demons who are unmated use sex to release built up magical energy. It's normal for us to have sex with others even if we have taken a lover. And you do not allow me to use magic so I have to get rid of it. I can usually keep myself under control and the few times I've been with you has helped immensely but I don't want to hurt you. Human bodies are not as durable as our own and the last thing I want to do is harm you in any way by asking too frequently. I honestly thought I was protecting you by going with her.’ _

As much as he hated it, Ruki knew what Kai was saying made sense. He had told him from the beginning he didn't want him using magic unless it was an emergency, but Kai had never told him that it was unhealthy for him not to. He understood...but he couldn't watch his boyfriend go to other people for that release even if the other person was a demon.

He swallowed hard, wondering if what he wanted to say next was really the right thing to do. “What...happens after a demon is mated then? Are they monogamous?” He asked, kneeling down on the floor in front of Kai. 

A slight nod, but Kai wouldn't meet his gaze again.  _ 'Once a demon is mated properly they feel no...desire for any other than their mate. It's why many couples choose to never enter into that binding relationship. It cannot be undone.” _

An almost nauseous feeling formed in the pit of Ruki's stomach, but it wasn't out of hurt or disgust this time, no, it was an anxious feeling. To have Kai bound to him for the rest of eternity didn't sound so bad, but Kai was right, he wasn't strong enough. 

“If...a human that has made a deal with a demon commits suicide, do they end up with that demon in hell?” He asked cautiously and didn't miss the way Kai flinched at his words. 

_ 'No. There is another place for defeated souls. Demons are not allowed there.’ _

_ “ _ Then that's what I'll do when the time comes Yuta. You said once humans and demons can become mated but like you just told me, I'm not physically strong enough to meet your needs. And I'm too human to watch you go off with someone other than me. So if they put me somewhere you can't get to me, then everything will be okay, right? You won't have to worry about me. You can find someone better suited for you. I'll do that for you.”

Kai shook his head rather vehemently and stood up, pulling Ruki along with him and into his embrace. Ruki didn’t try to protest, what was the point of putting up a front when this was the only place he wanted to be anyway?

_ ‘I won’t let you do that. The souls who commit suicide are stuck in a never ending loop of their own death and I would never allow you to do such a thing. I could never be away from you. I promise Nori when I take you home, you will be strong enough and we will be mated. Until then I will act as if we are already. I swear I won’t make this mistake again.’ _

“Aki wants to kill you.”

_ ‘Let him do as he wishes. He can’t actually hurt me and even if he could I would be deserving of it.’ _

Ruki didn’t argue, just slipped his arms around his demon’s waist and snuggled up against him. “Hmm. Well, maybe just in case he comes back soon, we should go somewhere else. You did mention something about the Eiffel Tower if I remember right?”

********

It was easier than he’d thought it be to push everything that had happened to the back of his mind and truly enjoy this little bit of time he and Kai had to themselves. Paris was beautiful at night, almost as lit up as Tokyo. But this was different. They weren’t in Japan where it felt like there were eyes everywhere watching them. Here they had a bit more freedom, and honestly Ruki couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. Not when they were walking across the grass, just in front of the Eiffel Tower and Kai’s arm was secured around his waist as the drummer talked non-stop about everything he was seeing. It felt so normal. Like they could just be a normal, average couple like everyone else. 

Ruki breathed in the scent of damp grass as they walked, letting the clean smell fill his head. “We should just move here. Stay here forever. We wouldn’t have to step away from each other in public. Or sit on opposite sides of the table when we go to dinner. It would just be...us. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Kai's hand tightened on his hip. “Nori...we could stop doing those things now. You only have four years left here. Why not make the most of it? Do you really think your fans will desert you if they know we're together? I don't think they will.”

“I just...don't want to ruin anything. What if everyone found out and PSC dropped us? I- I love you, but if I'm only here for such a short time I don't want to ruin it for everyone else.”

“Hm. I guess.” Was all Kai said as they finally walked under the giant tower. He stepped away, spinning around so he could see everything. It was so massive! He just wished they'd come during the day so they could have gone up inside. Ah, this was enough though. When he faced Kai again he saw the grin on his boyfriend's face as he help up his phone. 

“Are you taking pictures of me Yutaka?” He asked, closing the gap between them. 

The demon slid his phone back into his pocket. “Of course I was. I take lots of pictures of you.”

“We're literally standing under the Eiffel Tower and you're taking photos of me instead? What is wrong with you?” Ruki teased, shoving at the other's arms.

“I guess I'm just overly obsessed with you Peanut.”

“Don't call me that!” Another shove and Kai faked being off balance, falling to the grass and taking Ruki with him. The vocalist yelped, jumping back up to brush off his leggings. “You ass the grass is wet!” He whined but his boyfriend only laughed. Ruki crossed his arms over his chest, turning away from the demon. “See if you get that kiss now!”

Kai's eyes widened as he stood back up. “Oh, so you bully me, push me down, call me names and you think I'd want to kiss you?” 

Ruki's jaw dropped as he turned back to argue but his protests were cut short by a cold pair of lips covering his own and strong arms circling his waist to bend him back and keep him off balance. The happenings from earlier in the day were forgotten completely as he slipped his arms around Kai's neck and kissed him back with all the pent up desires inside himself. 

Paris was the city of love indeed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I just finished writing the second to the last chapter and it makes me so sad but at the same time so happy. I feel very proud of this work and I'm so thankful for everyone that has read and commented. It really does keep me focused and motivated. Please continue to let me know what you think. 💖💖

**May 2nd, 2015**

Los Angeles… It felt so strange to be here. They hadn’t had much time to enjoy Dallas or San Francisco but now they finally had a day off and in LA nonetheless! Ruki honestly could die of happiness. The sun was shining, the sky was so blue. Everything here was just so different from Tokyo. Even the food here was tolerable. They’d gone shopping together all morning, then ventured down Hollywood Boulevard. Unlike their short trip to the market in Dallas, no one here looked at them weird either. They also hadn’t run into any fans which seemed kind of weird to him. In Europe they’d been followed a few times, but here no one seemed to know who they were. Ruki didn’t mind. It was nice to be able to walk around without any worry. Hell, he hadn’t seen Reita’s bare face in weeks so judging by the grin on the bassist’s face, he was sure the others were enjoying this little escape too. 

Management had decided before the tour began to take their requests into consideration and allowed them to pitch in on their hotel here too. Aoi had found a perfect one on a private beach where all they had to do was walk out the back door and down a small deck to the ocean. Not that Ruki wanted anything to do with the ocean. Nope. Not going there. But he did enjoy the beach. He’d propped up a beach umbrella and thrown down an oversized towel, sitting down with his sketchbook. This was nice. He could push the umbrella back a bit and lay down in the warm sunshine. His own little perfect moment while the rest of his bandmates were playing around in the water. They’d tried more than once to gode him into joining them but Ruki wasn’t having it. He didn’t even want to walk on wet sand. He was perfectly happy spending his time just like this. 

“Nooooori. Won’t you please come into the water? Just for a little while? This isn’t fun without you.” Kai whined as he sat down beside him, his skin still slick with salt water as it pressed against his own bare arm. 

“I don’t do water Yuta. I’m not a very strong swimmer and I’m not going to push my luck. You’ll just have to enjoy the shark infested pool by yourself.” He replied, not bothering to look up from his book. If he took in Kai’s expression he’d probably give in. 

A rather wet nose nudged his cheek. “But baby I won’t let anything hurt you. You know that. Just come with me. If you don’t come with me now, I’m going to drag you out here after dark and make you get in that water. We’ll go skinny dipping. How about that?”

Naked? On a beach? Fuck that. Ruki set his sketchbook aside and stood up, brushing non-existent sand off of his shorts. For a moment he fidgeted with the end of his tank-top but decided to just leave it on. He just wasn’t real keen on having his clothes off around other people, Kai was bad enough. The demon loved him, so he never said anything, but the others… They were all in such good shape there was no way he was getting naked in front of them. “I’ll go down to the edge. But I’m not swimming, okay?”

‘ _ And here I was hoping you’d opt for going later. Sex on the beach sounded so nice.’ _

Ruki just about choked on absolutely nothing. His boyfriend was going to be the death of- Maybe he needed to find a new uephamism. “The last thing I want is sand in places it doesn’t belong. Maybe if you keep those idiots from drowning me, I’ll agree for sex not on the beach.”

“Yes, you're highness.” Kai chuckled, standing up and grabbing for his hand. Ruki rolled his eyes but allowed himself to be led towards the water. 

“You changed his mind!” Uruha called from where the water was deeper. He looked like a drowned rat with his dark reddish brown hair sticking to him. How'd he stay so skinny like that? 

Kai grinned, letting go of his hand to venture further into the waves. “I did! But don't mess with him. He promised sex if I make you all leave him alone.”

“Yutaka! What the fuck? I'm going back to the hotel.” He yelled, his face burning and he knew it wasn't from the sun. Did his boyfriend have no shame?!

“Oh no you're not.” The demon grabbed his arm and the next thing he saw was down his back as Kai picked him up on his shoulder and carried him into the water. What the hell was he thinking?? Before he could voice his opinion Ruki was dropped down into shallow water, sputtering as he sat up out of the salty waves. They were all laughing at him and though he tried to be angry, he ended up just laughing along. Why not? He was already here. Might as well try to enjoy it. 

************

By the time Sekai had to come down to the beach and drag them out of the water, Ruki was thoroughly exhausted. Like Kai had to carry him back to the hotel room exhausted. He hadn’t had  _ this  _ much fun in forever though. And he hadn’t expected to enjoy himself so much. Maybe he did need to break out of his little bubble more often. Tomorrow though, definitely not tonight. He was far too tired, and they had a live tomorrow night! Would he be able to make it through the whole thing!?

‘ _ You’re being a little overdramatic. You’ll be fine tomorrow. Do you want a shower or bath? Sekai said they’ve ordered us dinner already to be brought to the rooms around eight, but it’s just now five. We’ve got time for a long bath.’ _

Ruki thought about it for a moment after Kai sat him down on the comfy, king bed. They were really getting spoiled tonight weren’t they? He quickly hid beneath the warm duvet, leaving his wet clothes for Kai to grab with his own. To be honest, he’d skip both bath and dinner, but he knew that would incur Kai’s wrath and the salt on his skin was getting itchy, so he kept those ideas to himself. 

After hanging their clothes in the bathroom, Kai returned, hopping up on the bed to hold himself above Ruki with an inquisitive expression. The demon wanted an answer, obviously, but Ruki was too preoccupied now by the feeling of Kai settled between his thighs, even with the heavy blanket between them. It had been awhile since they’d really been together and though he knew Kai wasn’t pushing, he couldn’t deny that the thought was lingering his mind. 

“If I choose the short shower...could we get rid of this blanket between us?” He asked almost timidly. He’d never asked for sex. He’d always been more than willing when Kai reached for him, but too conscientious to ask for himself. He didn’t ever want Kai to think he cared more about sex than the rest of their relationship, but right now? Ruki  _ wanted  _ his boyfriend. 

And from the dark look in Kai’s already pitch black gaze, he wanted him too. 

By the time their heart rates were declining Ruki felt like his body was a puddle of mush. There was no way he could get up for that shower, but damn he felt  _ so _ content. Kai’s mop of silky hair tickled his skin as the demon raised his head from his chest, and a small giggle fell from his lips. 

‘ _ I love hearing you laugh Nori. It’s sweeter than any music I’ve ever heard.’ _

“Yutaka, why are you so cheeky? For that you can carry me to the shower.”

‘ _ As you wish, my prince.’ _

********** 

**June 13th, 2015**

Kai was acting...strange. Even for him. He’d been nervous and just plain weird. Hell he’d even tried to ask a maid if he could have a vacuum to finish cleaning their hotel room. He cleaned like this when he was anxious but what could he be upset about now? They’d just finished the final live of the tour last night and now they had one day to relax a bit before flying back to Japan the next morning. Kai should have been relaxing, sleeping in, taking a long shower or something. Not being this nervous wreck. 

Ruki sighed, sitting up, fully awake now. His boyfriend was now re-organizing his suitcase, which seemed stupid knowing he'd forget half his stuff here anyway. Watching Kai made his own anxieties that he'd been trying to tamp down surface in an ugly way. He'd been wanting to talk to Kai about something for awhile now but the right time never seemed to come around. Maybe now would be good? 

“Yutaka? Do you think we could talk for a minute?” He asked, the demon flinching at the sound of his voice before turning around. 

“Oh, Nori, I didn’t realize you were awake yet. Did you get enough sleep? You fell asleep before I got out of the shower.” He chuckled, zipping his suitcase before moving over to sit on the edge of his bed. “What did you want to talk about?”

Ruki pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on the soft duvet. “Yeah, I kind of crashed last night, but that’s not important. I’ve been...thinking the last few days about what’s going to happen after you- you know.” Kai’s brows furrowed but he stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. “You keep saying the first think we will do is be mated, but if the king has to do this then how do you know he will accept me as your mate? Wouldn’t he have a say in who you choose?”

Kai looked down at his own hands and Ruki couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He reached out to touch the demon’s palm, sliding his fingers into his grip. “Yuta? Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?”

The demon shook his head, blond ends of his hair swishing back and forth almost cutely. “No, I just...I need to talk to you about something before I can truly answer your questions.”

When Kai paused and Ruki realized he wasn’t going to continue, he flipped the covers off of himself and crawled out of bed. “Let me get cleaned up, and woke up, then we’ll have this talk. Kay?”

A soft smile curved his boyfriend’s pretty lips. “That sounds perfect. I’ll go down and grab you a coffee. You tossed and turned a lot last night so I’m sure you didn’t sleep much. I’ll be back in a bit.” He said, leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead. No matter how many times Kai made the gesture it always made Ruki’s heart flutter. He really was such a sap wasn’t he? Especially when it came to his always thoughtful, cheeky demon. 

Once the door shut behind Kai, Ruki went about his normal morning routine, washing, moisturizing. Yeah, maybe Aoi wasn’t so wrong about that prima donna thing after all. But his mind wasn’t on lotions. No, it was on Kai, and what the demon needed to tell him. Was this finally  _ it _ ? Was Kai finally going to tell him  _ everything _ ? Were things between them going to change? Surely not. Whatever Kai had to say, Ruki was certain he could handle it. 

Just as he’d stored his makeup case the door opened again, and his drummer came back, two rather large cups in hand and the air was filled with the smell of hot coffee. 

“Ah, the love of my life!” Ruki chirped, taking the cup he was offered. 

“I’m just going to pretend you were talking about me.” Kai chuckled, following Ruki over to the sofa. 

Ruki grinned, sitting down in the corner of the soft sofa. “You're the second love of my life. Don't try to overtake coffee's place Yuta.”

“I would never try to take that place. As long as you save a small place in your heart for me then I'm happy.” He teased, sitting down so Ruki could lay his legs over his lap. 

Ruki felt his cheeks heat up no matter how he tried to keep himself from reacting. “I think you’ve got more than a small place. Honestly I’m fairly sure you hold more of my heart than I do myself. But uh- why don’t you tell me what you wanted to talk about?” He cleared his throat, trying to gloss over the fact that Kai really did turn him into a sappy romantic. 

The bright smile on Kai’s face faltered and his gaze turned to where his fingers were drumming on Ruki’s shin. “This is...difficult. Um, to answer your question, our king has already accepted you as my mate. He has been watching you just as long as I have.”

Ruki balked, his eyes widening. The  _ king of hell  _ had been watching him? What the actual fuck?! “I- I don’t understand. Why has he been watching me? Does he watch every human that a demon wants to mate with? What if he’s watching and doesn’t like me?”

“Nori calm down. No, he doesn’t watch every potential mate. But he does if it’s the human his son has chosen.”

Ruki blinked, feeling like his body was moving on autopilot. All he could do was stare at Kai like he’d grown ho-  _ useless euphemisms.  _ How the- What the actual fuck?! Before he could tell himself not to panic, he was up on his feet. “Are you saying your father is the king of hell? But that makes you- Yutaka you’re a prince?! Why didn’t you tell me? This isn’t something you don’t tell your boyfriend! How did you think I was going to react to this? How the hell am I  _ supposed  _ to react to this? I can’t date a prince, human or otherwise. I can’t!”

“Nori stop! Just calm down and let me explain. Please.” Ruki was shaking as Kai took the coffee from him and set it on the table before taking his hands in his much larger ones. He forced him to sit back down, taking a seat across from him on the coffee table. “Honey, I swear this changes nothin-”

“How can it change nothing? You’re fucking royalty! And I order you around like  _ my  _ servant or something. Now way your parents will be happy about that! I’ll probably be executed!”

He was seriously about to have a full on panic attack but Kai just started to laugh, that beautiful sound that just left him speechless every time. “You won’t be executed, and you have never treated me as your servant. You’re looking into this far too much. This is why I didn’t want to tell you any sooner. This is a much smaller deal than you’re making it. I am a prince, yes, but I’m not in line for the throne, and even if I was it wouldn’t be a big deal. You’ll see. Everything will be fine.”

Ruki let out a heavy sigh, and flopped back down on the sofa. “This is going to take awhile to sink in Yutaka.”

The demon nodded in acknowledgement. “I know. Take whatever time you need. Just know that as far as I’m concerned, this changes nothing between you and I.”

He decided his best bet was to change the subject and not dwell on this new information. “Okay, okay. Why don’t you tell me why they sent you here, and what you’re supposed to be finding.”

“Oh, you’re ordering me around again?”

Ruki quickly sat up, whacking Kai with one of the sofa pillows. “Asshole! You just said I wasn’t doing that! Take it back or I’ll beat you more!”

Kai was laughing too hard to properly respond and Ruki took the opportunity to pounce, pushing Kai onto his back and pinning him down. He felt a bit of pride at the surprised look on his boyfriend’s face, but before he could thoroughly revel in his victory, Kai’s hands gripped his hips and flipped him over, pinning him with a knee between his thighs. The air was sucked from his lungs but it wasn’t necessarily from shock now. Not when Kai’s horns curled from his head, tail growing long to swish behind him. Fuck, he really loved his demon. 

‘ _ I was sent here, to find a person. A unique creature with a beautiful heart. Who I could trust with my own. Someone I would want next to me for the rest of eternity.’  _ The demon purred inside his head as his cold lips lavished his throat in sweet kisses. ‘ _ I gave you fifteen years to make absolutely sure you were that person, but honestly it only took a few weeks for me to know I wanted to spend the rest of my life with only you.’  _

Ruki gasped, his legs moving to wrap around Kai’s waist. “T-then why did you wait so long? Why didn’t you give me a year or something and take me?”

Kai pulled back a bit, sending shivers down his spine, especially when those pitch black eyes bore into his own. ‘ _ I would never have taken you unless you agreed to it. Even after the years, had you still hated me, I would have let you go. But now...I don’t think I could do it Nori. I don’t want to live without you.’  _

Kai's words rang through his head and for a moment Ruki had to stay quiet. What the demon was saying gave him...ideas. Possibilities he hadn't even known existed. If he had just denied his feelings for the other and kept to himself...Kai would have let him live? He would have been able to spend the rest of his human life with his friends? Had he given in to his feelings only because he knew in the end it wouldn't matter? Whether he loved Kai or not he’d still been preparing himself to die. And now Kai was saying he couldn't live without him? What if he denied him now? Would Kai still let him go? That thought swirled in his mind as his eyes searched the demon's face. The look in Kai’s eyes broke his heart. The demon really expected him to turn on him, didn’t he?

And Ruki had  _ actually  _ been considering it…

Kai nuzzled his palm when he lifted it to cup his cheek, and the first black tear slipped from his eye. How could he even consider pushing Kai to let him live? It had hurt enough when he’d thought the demon was going to cheat on him, but to never see him again? The thought alone left him feeling anxious and hallow. Maybe he couldn’t live without Kai now either. 

“Yuta. Baby why are you crying?” He asked softly, thumbs brushing away a few stray tears. 

‘ _ You want to stay here. I spoke too much and now you won’t let me take you home.’  _

Ruki shook his head, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips. “That’s not true. I thought about it only for a moment. I couldn’t stay here without you. I cannot deny that I will miss my friends, and my home, but I would miss you more. I’m going home with you, Yutaka. I promise.”

A heavy sigh left the demon’s body and he laid his forehead against Ruki’s shoulder, his own shaking slightly. The vocalist wrapped his arms around his neck, holding him tight. Had Kai really been so afraid that he would abandon him?

******

‘ _ Nori, have you thought about how you want to do it? I know I said I’d take care of it but if you have a certain way, I’m open for suggestions.’  _

Ruki stayed quiet for a moment, fingers stalling where they’d been carding through Kai’s hair. It had been an hour or so since the demon had fallen asleep on top of him, but he hadn’t been aware that he’d woken up. Maybe he’d fallen asleep too. This question though...he had spent quite a bit of time thinking about this. 

How was one supposed to decide how they were going to die?

“I’ve thought about it. I uh, something quick, you know? I don’t want to be in a lot of pain. And it has to be something there was no chance of recovery. If there was to be any chance, Akira will blame himself. It has to be a sure thing. I don’t want to cause them anymore pain than necessary.”

Kai nodded against his chest. ‘ _ I understand. I do not wish to hurt the others either. What do you think about making it an accident?’ _

“An accident? Like a car accident or something?”

His boyfriend sat up then, pulling Ruki along with him and into his lap. ‘ _ No, more an accident here. Where no one else could be held responsible. The stairs here are fairly steep after all.’ _

“You just want to push me to my death, admit it.” Ruki teased, poking a finger at the demon's chest.

‘ _ I won't deny part of me will enjoy it.’  _

The cost bit his lip wondering if he should be mildly concerned by that confession, but Kai was a demon. He couldn't expect him not to be a little evil.

“Fine.” He uttered with more confidence than he felt. “Push me down the stairs you murderer.”

********

Telling Ruki all of his secrets must have taken an emotional toll on Kai, because he fell asleep long before he did that night and as Ruki lay there listening to his even breathing he remembered something the demon had told him back in Paris. Kai had said he took lots of pictures of him…

The vocalist eyed Kai’s cell phone where it lay charging on the bedside table. Would it hurt to just take a peak? Kai would never know, right?

Oh the temptation was just too much!

Though he knew better, Ruki swiped the phone and flicked the screen on. His lockscreen had some cartoon dumpling being dumped into a pot which was very...Kai, but not what he was looking for. There was no lock code so he was immediately met with a picture of...a woman? She looked so much like Kai, his demon form anyway. Her hair was long and wind was blowing it around her slender frame. She wore a loose fitting, robe-like, black dress and golden rings had been pierced through her much more delicate horns. The woman had Kai’s beautiful smile, but he didn’t have a sister. 

_ His mother… _

“She’s so beautiful.” He whispered, admittedly mesmerized by the photo. He would meet this woman, this  _ queen,  _ soon.

Ruki shook his head, entering Kai’s photo gallery. There were pictures of everything here, but one folder in particular caught his attention. A folder labeled  _ My Nori.  _ Did he really have an entire -huge- folder dedicated to just him? 

Apparently. 

There were photos from every given point in the years they’d been together. Even a few that they’d taken together. Ruki felt his chest getting tight the more he scrolled. Kai had photos of him without makeup, sometimes right after he woke up. That’s what he personally liked to call ‘ugly Ruki’ and yet his boyfriend had saved those too. 

Near the end there was a single video, not very long, and Ruki quickly plugged his headphones in to listen. It was of him, asleep on...a fucking table, backstage somewhere. It was quiet somehow in the background until Kai began talking. His voice was warped a bit so he must have let some of his demon side out. “My Nori fell asleep like this.” He said then paused again. Ruki judged from his own clothes it must have been 2007. They’d only been together five years. It was strange to hear this cadence in Kai’s voice. It was almost childlike. Who was Kai talking to? 

“He’s been working so hard, Mama. I’ll keep things quiet while he sleeps. Do you think he’ll love me someday?”

Another pause and Ruki realized his cheeks were wet. Was he really crying?

“If he loves me, I’ll bring him home and we’ll be happy forever. Just like you told me. I- Hmm. Mama, I wish you were here to tell me, because I’m just not sure. But...I love him so much.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, I had such a rough time getting through this chapter. Like total ugly cry meltdown. But I think I turned it into something I am happy with. I wanted to give a little shout out to @banana_nashi & @fckpotatochips (Twitter) for getting me through the mess.
> 
> Also this is the chapter that goes along with the fan art I had commissioned from Mittilla (Ao3). She did such an amazing job and I could never thank her enough for bringing my demon Kai to life. She's also an awesome writer too so please go check out her works if you haven't already ✌️
> 
> So here is chapter 11!

**March 9th, 2017**

“I would ask if you’re okay over there, but frankly you could die for all I care, putting your damn feet on my dash like this.” 

Ruki tried to hide the way he flinched away from Reita’s sentence. Sure, he knew the bassist was just teasing him, although he did hate it when Ruki put his feet on the dash, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Didn’t make him feel any less nauseous just because Reita didn’t know. His friend would...care, wouldn’t he? It wasn’t like Ruki wanted him to be in pain after he was gone but he sometimes wondered if anyone would actually miss him. His parents sure wouldn’t. And he had a feeling his bandmates would be more angry than sad. After all, he was about to end their careers without giving them any forewarning  _ and  _ without hesitation. Who was he kidding, they weren’t going to miss him. 

“Sorry, I was just fading out I guess. Rehearsal wore me out. This show is going to be amazing. Amazing but tiring. Part of me wishes this was never going to happen.” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop his exhausted brain from spewing them. 

He watched Reita’s brow furrow but he didn’t take his eyes off the rainy road in front of them. “What do you mean? You’re not excited about the live? I mean most bands don’t make it this far Taka. This is a huge milestone, who knows where we’ll go from here.”

Ruki swallowed hard. Thinking about the future turned his stomach. Reita was looking forward to whatever step came next for them and Ruki wanted to tell him so badly that there wouldn’t be a future. He had sixteen days. Barely more than two weeks before Kai would take him home and the others would be left to sort out his mess. This was so selfish of him wasn’t it? 

“Could we just not talk about it right now? Let’s talk about anything else. How are you and Uruha doing? I know we’ve been really busy lately. Are you guys doing okay?” He asked. Talking about their relationship didn’t hurt like it used to and he had Kai to thank for that. 

The smile that spread across Reita’s face was blinding. Did Kai smile like that when people asked the drummer about him? 

“Ah, Kouyou...he’s been very attentive lately. It’s strange. He even attempted to cook a few nights ago. I think the show is making him nervous so he’s trying to occupy his down time. But it’s nice I guess. We took the bike out to the beach and spent the evening just the two of us. I just wish...no, nevermind.”

Ruki finally took his feet down from the dash so he could turn to focus on his friend. Something was off and he was going to get to the bottom of it. He couldn’t leave knowing something was wrong between Reita and Uruha. “No, not nevermind. What do you wish Aki? You can tell me anything, you know that.”

Reita smiled. “I know I can. It’s just going to sound extremely stupid. Because I know the law here won’t allow it but-”

“You want to ask him to marry you?!”

The bassist ducked his head as much as he could while driving. “I know, it’s stupid of me.”

Ruki shook his head, reaching out to touch his arm. “It’s not stupid Akira. Not at all. I totally think you should do it. I think you should do it tomorrow!”

“At the show tomorrow? Taka are you insane?”

“No! Aki I know you. If you’ve been thinking about it then you already have a ring, don’t you?”

He watched Reita chew on his bottom lip. “I- Yeah, I do, but isn’t this too soon Taka?”

“I don’t think so. I mean you’ve been together fourteen years. You should ask him tomorrow before the show.” Ruki answered. No way would he let Kai take him before this happened. 

“Before? I don’t know. Maybe I should wait until after.”

“You’ll spend the whole live nervous. Wouldn’t you rather spend it knowing Kouyou said yes? Come on, tell me how you’d want to celebrate it.”

*********

**March 10th, 2017**

The designs for these outfits were  _ so  _ good. Ruki watched as Kai fiddled with the buttons on the front of his jacket after he zipped it up in the floor length mirror. The way the white military coat pulled tight across the demon’s broad shoulders left his mouth watering. Flashbacks from how Kai had looked during their thirteenth anniversary live floated through his head. His boyfriend had looks so sexy but this was just as good. And he looked more confident too, the set of his posture more self assured. 

The drummer was just slipping on his black gloves when Ruki cleared his throat, bringing his attention around. “Oh, Nori. Why aren’t you dressed yet?” He asked, making sure the velcro was secure around his wrists. 

“I wanted to wait for a while so I don’t sweat everything off. I may have put too many layers into my costume. But you, you look beyond edible, and I can’t wait to take you out of this outfit later. Are you sure you’re not supposed to be a general or something? You look so fucking hot like this.” He replied with a sigh. “This is really it, isn’t it?”

Kai offered him a sympathetic smile, brushing a gloved hand past his cheek. “There’s still...time for you to change your mind. Though I really don’t want you to.”

“No, I told you my mind was already made up about that. I’m going with you, I just...it’s taking awhile to really sink in now that I’m only a few days from my own funeral, you know? Could you...distract me maybe?”

A smirk. “And how do you think I should go about distracting you Nori?”

Ruki tried his best to look innocent, glancing up through his lashes. “However you wish, your highness.”

The hands that slipped up under his hoodie tightened on his hips and kiss Kai delivered left him a bit lightheaded. Yet all too soon they were interrupted by a knocking on the doorframe. They turned to find Uruha there, a dorky smile on his face. 

The Prince and the Pauper. That’s you two right now. Except I know Taka pays good money to look so homeless. Anyway, Aki texted and said you wanted to see me? Have you seen him?”

Ruki scoffed internally as he looked the guitarist over.  _ Well he was right about the prince part.  _ Man he really needed to pat himself on the back again. Uruha looked just as regal as Kai did, and the way his hair was fanned out made him look even more beautiful. Paired with the way his bare thigh peeked through the slit in his coats skirt, Reita was going to end up on the same floor with their fans, drooling over their guitarist. Damn those gorgeous legs of his.

“Uh, yeah, actually I do. I’d be happy to take you to him.” Ruki answered as nonchalantly as possible. He couldn’t spill the surprise now when they were so close. Reita would literally kiss him. “Actually I was just coming to get Yutaka because Sekai wanted to talk to us all before things get too hectic.”

Uruha looked confused, as did Kai, but both just shrugged. “Alright, take me to my boyfriend then!”

_ What an idiot. _

Ruki stayed quiet as Kai and Uruha bantered back and forth about the about the guitarist’s clothing. Kai had a point. Uruha and Kouyou were definitely very different personalities even if they were the same person. He stopped in front of the door to their main dressing room and turned towards Uruha. “Aki’s in there.” He said quietly, and honestly wasn’t even surprised when Uruha just barged in without even feeling the change in atmosphere.  _ Dumb duck.  _ Ruki grabbed Kai’s hand and followed their bandmate into the room. 

Ruki could actually see Reita’s hands shaking with nerves when he entered the room. Kai followed behind him, softly closing the door before his arms wound around Ruki’s waist, keeping him close. Somehow everyone had crowded into the room, staff, friends, co-workers, and they all watched anxiously, restlessly. Seeing their manager trying to hide a grin left Ruki feeling light hearted. They’d all had their own moments of panic when it came to telling Sekai about their relationships, but neither the company nor their manager had made a big deal of it. Even the fans for the most part had been supportive. For Ruki, it had felt strange to have so many people care that he was happy. 

Reita and Uruha had made things official almost fifteen years ago now, but Reita looked as if he was back in his early twenties getting ready to ask Uruha out again for the first time. His hands shook, and he kept licking his lips. Ruki could see sweat gathering on his brow as well. Was it because of everyone staring at him or was he simply just this afraid Uruha would deny him?

“What’s going on in here?” Uruha mused, but his expression fell, and he looked to Sekai. “This isn’t...it. Right? We’re not being dropped?” There was a panic in his voice that made Ruki feel sick. None of them were ready to jump off this rollercoaster. Even Kai had said he wished that he was human, that he could have more time with the band. But there just...wasn’t time. 

“No! No, Kou it’s nothing like that.” Reita interjected, grabbing for his boyfriend’s hands. “I just- I need to ask you something important okay?”

Ruki had to cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing as Uruha rolled his eyes. He  _ so  _ didn’t get it. And Reita looked half defeated already. Sometimes Uruha could be so oblivious.

“Is this about your birthday again? I told you we could go t-”

“Kouyou please just let me talk. Please?”

_ He’s going to lose it.  _ Kai chuckled and Ruki gently jabbed him with his elbow. 

“Okay Aki. Go ahead.”

Reita took a deep breath to steady himself before locking eyes with the guitarist. The corners of the bassist’s mouth lifted, a look Ruki hadn’t seen before resting on his face. 

“You look so damn beautiful right now, it’s a bit distracting.”

Uruha bit down on his lip, but Ruki caught the blush on his cheeks, another rarity.

“Do you remember when we first met? You told our teacher you were never going to be friends with me, but look at us now Kou. Thirty years later and we’re still together. I would say that’s some kind of fate right? You’ve always been there for me. When I decided not to go to college. When I came out to my mum and grandma. When we decided to walk out on that edge and become musicians. You were with me along the way as I was able to realize and conquer so many dreams we’d once thought unrealistic. And I truly am grateful. It means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

Uruha smiled, Ruki’s chest grew tight.

“Kouyou. I want to spend the every moment of the rest of my life making memories with you.” Reita paused, slowly dropping to one knee, and Uruha must have  _ finally  _ caught on because the usually stoic expression on his face gave way to shock and his hand flew up to his mouth.

_ You’re heart is beating fast. _

“Shhh.” Ruki hushed his demon, watching as Reita pulled a small black box from his pocket.

“Akira…”

“Kou, I know the law. I know this doesn’t mean much right now.” He held the little box out, showing a delicate silver band laying on a bed of velvet, and Uruha’s hand moved to his throat. “But it would mean the world to me if you would do me the honor of holding on to this for me. Because I don’t care if it happens tomorrow or fifty years from now, I will always want to marry you. What do you say? You wanna marry me Kouyou?”

A hush fell over the room and Ruki tightened his hands on top of Kai’s. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering how he would react in this situation. Would Kai ever propose to him? Did demons do this? He was brought back to reality as Uruha sniffed, tears ruining his makeup, but his smile was so bright it may have even rivaled Kai’s. 

“Aki, of course! Of course I’ll marry you!”

Reita seemed almost in disbelief for a moment before standing, wrapping his arms around Uruha’s waist and lifting him slightly as their lips met. The couple had obviously forgotten about their audience, just reveling in the moment and love they had for one another. It was beautiful and perfect...and maybe Ruki was a little jealous.

Ruki had never in his life even contemplated marriage. It simply wasn’t something he’d ever been interested in. His life was all about art, making music, there wasn’t enough time left over for a family. He hadn’t even bothered dating and despite what other people thought, he really hadn’t been lonely. Or at least that’s what he’d believed until meeting Kai. Now though? He couldn’t imagine not having the demon at his side. Love really could change a person huh? When he turned to look up at his boyfriend, Kai leaned down to give him a sweet but far too short kiss. 

‘ _ I hope you will be so happy when we are mated.’ _

*********

“You look like a lion with your hair like that.” 

Ruki flipped his boyfriend off, trying to hold still as the stylist gave one last hit of spray to his hair. He hopped down from the chair and thanked her before grabbing Kai’s hand and pulling him from the room. 

“Yuta? What is it going to be like? When we get mated I mean? Do we like...exchange rings? Or is there some kind of ceremony?” Ruki asked as they walked hand in hand down one of the back hallways. Unlike near the stage, there wasn’t anyone wondering around here so he figured they could have a moment alone. 

The demon hummed, stopping to lean back against the wall. “There will be a ceremony, yes. And it will be a bit...extravagant, just because of who I am. We don’t really have a tradition of giving rings like humans do but I wouldn’t mind getting you one. I like the idea of you wearing something that I’ve given you. My personal mark will appear somewhere on your body but there is no telling where so it may be hidden. The gold rings that surround my horns will appear on yours too since we are connected. It will be a long day, but at the end of it I get to take you back to my room and love you for the rest of the night. Which honestly, other than your verbal agreement to be my mate, will be my favorite part of the ceremony. And you’re going to look so beautiful dressed up for it. My mother will of course oversee all of those details. It’s going to be amazing Nori.”

Ruki couldn’t help but smile at Kai’s enthusiasm. He was really looking forward to this wasn’t he? The vocalist stepped closer, leaning against the other’s chest. “That sounds like the perfect day. And I don’t need you to get me anything special Yutaka. Knowing that I’m going to be with you for the rest of my life is gift enough.”

The demon’s smile was so bright Ruki felt like he was being blinded. “You’re so cheeky Nori. We’ll be together soon. But first we have to go finish this last show. Let’s really blow them away huh?”

********

_ He couldn’t fucking do it. _

He couldn’t stand there on stage and talk to their fans about the future like he always had before. It would be so fake. While all those faces were staring up at him so expectantly, and his heart felt like it had just plummeted to his toes. It fucking hurt to know he’d never be here again. And watching Aoi then Reita succumb to tears wasn’t making things any easier.

So instead Ruki focused on that moment; how he was feeling and how he wanted his fans to feel with him. He told them how truly thankful he was for each and every one of them. How happy he was that they had allowed him to go on this journey and followed along too. He really couldn’t have done it without all of them. It probably sounded strange to his bandmates but he told them not to forget about their band in the future. To think back on this performance and feel joy in their hearts because Ruki knew that he would never forget it no matter how long he lived. He allowed himself to be as vulnerable and open with everyone as possible and it was liberating as well as heartbreaking, but as they said their final goodbyes and filtered off stage Kai’s voice filled his head and warmed him from the inside. 

_ ‘I’m so proud of you Nori.’ _

********

Ruki sighed maybe a bit too heavily as he pulled his shirt off. He felt so...off. Like his stomach was completely empty but he was far from hungry. And he felt lethargic, limbs too heavy to move. It was as if his body was weighed down by the fears resting on his shoulders. They’d been ome now for over an hour and most of it he’d spent staring at himself with unfocused eyes in the mirror, mind foggy with doubts. 

He’d tried to give Kai a reassuring smile and a kiss, asked him for some time to himself when they’d arrived and the demon had seemed to understand, saying he’d just shower downstairs and watch a movie so he wouldn’t disturb him. Ruki loved him so much, but right now he just needed to be alone. To muddle through the murky waters of his brain and try to clean out the cobwebs that were holding him back from moving on to the next part of his life. To eradicate the fear of what he knew was going to happen. But now, locked away by himself, all the events of the day and the emotions he felt were cascading through his mind and it was beginning to overwhelm him. 

Earlier in the day he’d had so much to distract him. He’d submerged himself in the bubble of happiness that had surrounded Reita and Uruha then spent some time talking with Kai and even ran into Aoi who had been so excited to tell them that Kazuki was finally ready to move in with him. The very air had been vibrating with a happiness that Ruki had just reveled in. Unfortunately now his impending death was weaseling its way into his head without permission. 

Ruki shook his head to attempt dislodging those thoughts as he stripped out of the rest of his clothes and stepped into the shower. Maybe the hot water could help him relax. And it did...at first. He had just finished washing his hair and face when a strange ache flared up in the middle of his chest. It spread like ice through his veins into his arms and the length of his legs causing him to want to curl in on himself just to alleviate some of the pain. His vision dimmed as if he was about to lose consciousness but flared back to life in vivid colors. Ruki saw his parents; his father’s face of passive dismissal, his mother’s averted gaze as a single tear slipped from her eye. Would either of them care when he was gone? 

The scene warped, quick flashes of Aoi with Kazuki followed by Uruha and Reita years from now, having completely forgotten about this part of their lives, about him. 

They bled into total darkness and a burst of pain exploded in the back of his skull. Someone was laughing, and it was so cold. Too cold. The darkness seemed to be growing closer, tighter, making it hard to breathe and the more he tried to move the more restrained he became, his arms and legs unresponsive. Ruki could feel himself start to panic, hyperventilate, and blinked over and over, flinging his arms out in search of something, anything! Something sharp sliced into his palm enough to bring his vision back to reality. A thin line of blood ran from his hand where it must have collided with their razors where they hung on the shower wall, and he watched absently as the red dripped to the light grey tile. 

In a sudden burst of manic energy Ruki tried to wipe his hand on his chest only to pull it back covered in more blood. Both hands flew to his neck, something was wrong.

He didn’t even care that he was dripping on the floor as he all but fell trying to get out of the shower and to the sink. All the while his mind was screaming out for Kai. He needed him right now. 

Ruki looked up in the mirror to see tears streaming down his face, and his neck...was perfectly fine?

How could-

_ You really thought I would take a creature as weak as you as my mate? Foolish. You’ll make great fodder for the lesser demons. They enjoy ripping apart human souls. _

A scream caught in Ruki’s throat as Kai seemed to shimmer into existence behind him, one long claw held to his throat.

_ All this time, you truly believed yourself good enough to come with me. Hell, you even believed Akira could want you. Over Uruha! Stupid human. All you are is food! _

That claw cut into his throat. Slicing easily through his skin. Ruki couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t scream. All he could do was wordlessly plead in his head for this demon to stop. Blood poured down his chest from the now gaping wound on his neck, and Ruki closed his eyes knowing he didn’t have much time now, but when Kai spoke again his voice was different. He sounded concerned. 

_ Takanori! Nori, come back to me! Come on baby, please!  _ He was yelling as Ruki started to convulse. 

His eyes flew open and Kai was there in front of him, black eyes so full of worry. 

“Y-Yutaka...” He whispered, his voice feeling harsh and painful in his throat as he descended the stairs. Fuck he was crying too hard. His fingers dug into the demon’s shirt and he squeezed his eyes shut, focusing on the steady beat of his heart. One clawed hand pressed to his lower back, the other cupping the back of his head, holding him in a comforting grip, but Ruki only pressed his face into his chest. 

‘ _ Nori, I’m here baby. I’m here.’ _

The words were sweet but Ruki just  _ couldn’t  _ pull it together. 

“I- don’t wanna d-die!!” He stuttered, voice full of anguish. 

‘ _ Okay. Okay Nori. It’s okay.’ _

Maybe had be been less out of it Ruki would have remembered the defeated cadence to Kai’s words. Maybe he would have  _ understood  _ what Kai meant by what was supposed to be reassuring.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo it's finally done! Chapter 13 is finished which marks the end of the fic. I have so many mixed feelings about it. I'm sorry it took me so long to update this time. I hope it's worth the wait!

**March 14th, 2017**

When the alarm went off at eight Ruki slapped at his phone to make it shut up. It felt like he hadn’t slept more than a handful of minutes all night, and like the last few mornings, the bed beside him was vacant and cold as if no one had slept there. Kai had been there when he’d fallen asleep...hadn’t he? Honestly he couldn’t remember. 

Every morning since the 15th live the drummer had been up and gone before Ruki had even woken up. Ruki had assumed the other was just taking care of necessary things before they left since there was only nine days left, but even when he came home in the evenings Kai was distant and quiet. When questioned Kai just mumbled that everything was fine and that he had somewhere he needed to be, leaving Ruki alone again. It was wearing on him honestly. He was nervous and scared and  _ needed  _ Kai to be there, but he just...wasn’t. Ruki didn’t want to push him, but couldn’t his boyfriend see how much he needed him right now?

With a sigh as heavy as his heart, Ruki flung the covers off himself and got out of bed. After a quick shower he went about his monotonous morning routine, now void of Kai’s cheery smile, and tried not to let himself fall any further into his this depressing feeling. It was unusually warm for mid March and management had planned a cookout for them. Partly because the tour had just ended and partly to celebrate Reita and Uruha’s ‘engagement’. He didn’t want to go with Kai acting like he was some disease to avoid. Would the drummer even go? 

Assuming he was alone in the apartment, Ruki let out a surprised yelp as he turned into the kitchen and smacked straight into Kai’s chest. The drummer quickly looked away, mumbling an apology, but Ruki couldn’t take it anymore. Before Kai could move past him, Ruki latched onto his arm with both hands. He just couldn’t let him go this time, the nauseous feeling in his gut wouldn’t allow it. “Yutaka, please. Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Much to his surprise, Kai didn’t try to pull away, but he rubbed nervously at the back of his neck. “I thought you’d still be asleep. I wanted to avoid this awkward goodbye so I was trying to get out of here before you woke up. I don’t want to make this any harder on you either.”

Ruki blinked up at him. What the fuck was he even talking about?

“Harder on me? You’re leaving? But- Why? Why now?”

Kai frowned, seeming genuinely confused. “Nori, I can’t stay here. I thought that I could wait out the fifteen days but it’s just too much. Knowing that I’m going to be leaving you behind is killing me. Literally. I didn’t know that any emotion could hurt this badly. I don’t want to prolong this for nine more days. I love you too much to continue like this.”

“Leave me behind…” Ruki could hear his heartbeat in his ears, slowing, stuttering,  _ hurting  _ far too much to be properly functioning. This was exactly what he’d been anticipating over the last few days, but to hear it out loud hurt his very soul. Kai had changed his mind. He wanted to move on without him and truly Ruki didn’t know if he could survive this. “Okay...could you at least tell me one thing before you leave?”

The demon nodded, watching him closely. 

“What-” Ruki took a deep breath, feeling like all the energy had been drained from his body. “What changed your mind about me? Is it just because I’ve been kind of quiet the last few days? Or have I done something else wrong? I just think it w- would be easier for me to let you go if I at least knew what I had done.”

Kai sighed, pulling his arm gently from Ruki’s hands. “You haven’t done anything Nori.”

“I obviously have done something! Why else would you choose to leave without me?” His breath hitched, and Ruki knew he wouldn’t be able to hold the tears back, not when his very soul was in so much pain. “Why don’t you want me anymore?” Yes, he was definitely crying now and he watched through blurry eyes as Kai’s hands cupped his face. 

“Nori, I could never want anyone more than you. I’m only trying to make this easier for you. I told you I would never force you to come with me. I do not fault you for being afraid. Your kind isn’t meant to live with demons. You shouldn’t want to. I’m not blaming you at all, but I can’t stay with you longer than this. I need to go home.”

Ruki frowned, gripping onto his boyfriend’s wrists. “When did I ever tell you to leave me behind? I don’t want that! Please, Yutaka you can’t go without me.”

The frown on Kai’s face deepened, eyes darkening. “You told me that night after the last live that you were afraid, you didn’t want to die. And I won’t make you. I understa-”

“That night?! Yutaka I was having a fucking panic attack! I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t- I was terrified. My anxiety got the better of me, and all I needed was you. I just needed you near me to make everything right again. Whatever I said, I wasn’t in my right mind. I don’t even remember saying anything other than calling out your name.”

Could this really all just be a misunderstanding? Was that even possible? Nothing ever turned out this easy for him. But Kai definitely seemed stunned. Maybe this was just another human thing he didn’t understand. 

“Panic attack? Is that why you ran out of the shower like that? I thought you were upset because you didn’t want to tell me you’d changed your mind. But you were just...afraid?”

“Yes! Yes, I was having a breakdown. Every negative thing I could think of ran through my head. I just needed you. I will always only need you. Please. Please do not leave without me.” He begged, moving to wrap his arms around the demon’s waist. He’d never let go if that’s what he had to do. 

“I- I almost left you…” 

There was no warning as Kai’s knees gave out and Ruki had to use every ounce of strength in his body to help his boyfriend to the ground. Kai’s arms moved, circling his neck, and pulled him against his chest. Ruki didn’t bother protesting, allowing himself to be smashed so hard he could barely breathe. It didn’t matter, he could die now and as long as he could be with Kai it would be okay.

************

They spent most of the morning right there on the floor. Kai had become too agitated to stay human but Ruki was fine with it. He’d reached the point where he hated his boyfriend having to use that guise. He loved his demon too much. So he’d stayed but when Kai laid down, head in his lap, and gently ran his fingers through the silky strands of his hair. He understood the silence, understood how Kai felt. They’d been so close to losing one another and all just because he hadn’t been able to keep his shit together. Honestly he couldn’t even recall what he’d said that night, but it had obviously been enough. And Ruki had been scared, hell, he still was, but no part of him was even considering not going with Kai. No, he wouldn’t live without him. 

“Yuta? Baby I gotta get up and get ready to go. Are you hungry? I could make you something before I leave?” He suggested, rubbing at the base of the demon’s horns. 

“No. Go with Nori. Stay with you.”

Ruki really couldn’t help but smile. Kai was getting so much better at talking and it made his heart swell just knowing that the demon was doing it just for him. “Alright, then let’s go take a shower. How’s that sound?”

“Good. Shower with you?”

“Of course.”

Kai got to his feet, offering him a hand and Ruki let himself be pulled up but wasn’t expecting to be swept up into his boyfriend’s arms. “Yutaka what are you doing? I can walk!” He laughed, fingers linking behind Kai’s neck. 

_ Well, you’re going to be my queen. I should start treating you like royalty, right? _

Ruki rolled his eyes as Kai nuzzled his hair. He had a feeling this was just something he’d have to get used to. It wasn’t as if Kai hadn’t been doting on him from the beginning. 

“Alright, then please, pamper your queen.”

_ You don’t even have to ask. _

**********

The picnic was beautiful. The staff had taken extra care to spice up the little park area. After Sekai giving them a small pep talk about the tour they broke out the champagne and toasted to Reita and Uruha. Just seeing that ring on the guitarist’s finger left Ruki smiling like an idiot. He couldn’t wait to be in that situation. 

“Man, Yutaka you had me worried. I thought you were seriously not going to show up.” Reita said, clapping the drummer on the back. 

“Well I sure as hell couldn’t miss this spectacle could I? I can’t believe how happy you two look. I don’t think I’ve seen Kou smile this much off stage in...maybe ever. I’m so happy for you guys. Just keep each other happy okay?” 

Ruki watched from Kai’s side as the bassist’s expression turned serious. “Don’t worry. I will do everything in my power to make him happy for as long as I live, and as long as he is, then I am too. But...what about you two? Are there any wedding bells in your future? I mean if the band ever breaks up then there’s no reason for you not to move right? You could actually have a real wedding. Of course you’d have to invite us.”

Something nasty turned in Ruki’s stomach. Hearing Reita’s hopeful words was just a reminder that he wouldn’t be around much longer. He couldn’t make promises to his best friend to always be here because...he wasn’t. Reita wouldn’t be attending any wedding, nor would they be moving out of the country. The future wasn’t going to exist for this band, and though Ruki knew he was doing the right thing, it didn’t make his heart hurt any less. Leaving his band mates was going to be the hardest thing about any of this. That in and of itself was crazy, wasn’t it? Dying and descending into hell isn’t what worried him at all. Just that he’d be losing his friends. He didn’t- he couldn’t think about how they would feel when he was gone. 

Kai’s hand squeezed his arm where it was looped through the demon’s. He seemed to know exactly how the vocalist was feeling. “Ah, well the future is always unclear isn’t it Aki? We’ll cross those bridges when we get to them. In the meantime, we’re here to celebrate you two.”

Reita’s lips broke into a grin. “You’re absolutely right. I’m gonna be selfish and take today all for us. And then tonight too. Right Kou?”

Uruha slapped at his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Nobody wants to hear that idiot. Oh look. Akemi finally showed up, come on let’s go say hi before you say anything else to scar our friends!” He said, grabbing Reita’s hand and yanking him off to see Uruha’s older sister. 

Ruki tried, he really did, to keep the sadness out of his eyes, but Kai knew, he always knew. He readily went into the demon’s arms and let out a breath to relax, laying his head on his chest. The strong heartbeat beneath his ear helped calm his nerves almost as much as the strong arms that held him. 

“Will I ever see them again?” He whispered, knowing they were far enough from the rest of the crowd to not be heard. 

“I don’t...want to lie to you Nori. It would be possible, but I don’t recommend doing so. There are ways you can check on them from hell, but visiting them may do more harm than good. So please, put that out of your head. Don’t make them say goodbye to you twice.”

Logically Ruki knew Kai was right, but he couldn’t stop his heart from being somewhat hopeful. At least he’d be able to see that his friends had landed on their feet and moved on, because they would, of that he had no doubts.

“Don’t worry.” Ruki answered, nudging Kai’s shoulder with his nose. “I won’t be busting out of hell to visit them. I doubt they’d believe me even if I told them what happened. And if the time ever comes when I want to come back, you can talk me out of it, deal?”

That million megawatt smile he loved so much graced his boyfriend’s face as he leaned down for a quick kiss. “Deal. Always making deals with demons aren’t you?”

“Ah, only with one that somehow tricked me into loving him.” Ruki teased back. 

Kai feigned shock, putting a hand over his chest. “Me trick you? I don’t seem to remember you ever being the one bullied. How could I ever trick you?”

“Oh don’t even act like you’re a victim. You love every minute of us bullying you.”

Kai just grinned, kissing his forehead. 

“Um, if you two are done being disgustingly cute, we’re ready to eat. Although, I’m not sure I can stomach food now.” Aoi said dramatically, pulling a nasty face. 

“Oh Yuu, leave them alone or I’ll start telling all about the decorations you laid out for my birthday.” Kazuki chirped from beside the older guitarist and Aoi noticeably paled. 

“Oh, decorations huh? Do share with the class Kazi.” Ruki smirked, knowing how much the younger enjoyed harassing his boyfriend. 

“Well it started with a bunch of rose petals strung from the front door to our bedro- Yuu!” Kazuki yelped as Aoi grabbed him around the waist and forcibly removed him. 

“Enough sharing. Time to eat!” Aoi sang and Kai squeezed Ruki’s hand before following after them. 

As he watched his friends head for the tables the smile slid from his face. For the first time since he’d really thought about leaving, Ruki realized Kai was leaving his friends too. The drummer loved his bandmates get through all of Ruki’s whining about missing them, Kai hadn’t even mentioned how he must be feeling hurt too. Maybe they could talk about it tonight. Kai deserved to let his emotions out too. 

And with that thought in mind, he caught up to the demon, smiling as they fell into step together.

********

**March 25th, 2019**

Ruki woke to the sun streaming into their bedroom just like every other morning. Spring had arrived a little early and he was thankful for it. Everything was so normal, so mundane, as if it was just another day, but it wasn’t. Not for him. 

No, it was his last day. Time was almost up. 

His last sunrise. 

But unlike the previous days leading up to now Ruki didn’t feel the nauseating anxiety pool in his stomach. 

Yesterday he’d spent all morning with Reita out shopping like they used to despite the drizzle of rain that persisted though the sun was shining. They’d talked for hours, reminiscing about the past and Ruki happily listening to the bassist talk about his future with Uruha. Just listening to his best friend rattle on about whatever popped into his head had been the best way to spend the day and because of it he felt more relaxed today. More sure of himself. He’d said his farewells in a way and now? He was ready to face his demons, er demon. 

_ Oh, you’re awake. I thought I’d let you sleep in awhile since I don’t have to be at the studio until four. Did you actually sleep? _

Ruki let his eyes wander over his boyfriend who was currently towel drying his hair, another towel wrapped low around his hips. How was he allowed to look that good? He even licked his lips watching the sunlight make the scales of the demon’s body glisten like liquid. He was just- “So beautiful.”

Kai arched a brow at him, but Ruki just sat up, hugging his knees. “Nothing. Uh, yeah I actually slept well all things considering. Can I- Could I ask you a few questions? Do you have time right now? I’m not changing my mind, but there are still a few things I want to know. Just to reassure myself you know?” He asked, eyes following a stray drip of water that ran down the demon’s chest. Maybe he could lick that off?

Kai watched him with a satisfied smirk, tossing the hair towel to the floor before stepping over to plant his knee on the end of the bed. 

_ I always have time for you Nori. Even if I have to create it. How about a compromise? For every question I answer, you give me one article of clothing. _

“Yutaka I’m trying to be serious here and you’re being a giant pervert!”

The demon laughed, the sound deep and dark, sending shivers up Ruki’s spine in the most delicious way. 

_ But Nori, why am I the pervert when you’re the one looking at me like you’re going to pounce on me? Don’t you want to play my game? _

Ruki huffed, folding his arms over his chest. “Fine, but you have to answer before I give you anything. And just so you know, you dirty demon, I wore socks to bed.”

_ Socks count as one article. _

“Bullshit. Socks equal two or I’m not playing.”

Kai’s midnight eyes narrowed and a rush of air that sounded much like a horse came through his nose. Hell he  _ was  _ dating a dragon.

_ Fine. Socks are two. _

“Good.” Ruki grinned triumphantly. “Okay, first question. Let’s start with the depressing one. What will happen after you kill me? Will I just immediately wake up in hell?”

The demon stalled, picking at a loose thread on the bedspread.  _ I wish I could tell you that it would be instant. But...I can;t because it won’t be. After I- I do it, your soul will be thrown into Limbo. That’s where it will stay until I can come get it out. Your soul will be tired, and you’ll want to fight it, but don’t. Time will pass much faster if you allow yourself to sleep. It will be dark, and might feel cold. You won’t be able to see or touch anything, but you might still feel the atmosphere around you. I promise I will come as soon as I am able. I’m sorry to have to ask you to blindly trust me once again, but please do, just one more time.” _

Ruki had to force himself to breathe. Dark, cold. It sounded too much like his hallucination, and it was slowly crawling back into his head, but he couldn’t let it take over this time. Couldn’t do that to Kai again. So instead he took a deep breath and reached beneath the duvet, pulling both his socks off and tossing them to Kai.

“Technically I asked you two questions right? So here you go.”

_ Ah, just what I’ve always wanted, a pair of fuzzy yellow socks covered in koi. Alright, do you have any happier questions? _

“Tell me about your parents. What are they like? And your brother. Are you close with him? You don’t really talk much about them.”

_ My brother, his human name is Toshi. He and I are actually very close. We spend a lot of time together. Toshi isn’t mated yet, but he has a lover named Rico. She’s very nice but puts him in his place. Sometimes my brother can come off rudely because he’s very gruff. Doesn’t mince words. As you can probably imagine, I do most of the talking between the two of us. _

“I never would have guessed.” Ruki teased as Kai paused, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. 

_ Shut up. Anyway, my parents...my father is much like Toshi. Quiet and strong, but never cruel. My mama is the sweetest most kind person to ever exist. She’s like me. Talkative, but she’s not weak. She taught me patience and how to stand my ground. She’s an amazing woman. You’ll like her. I am very lucky I think because I’ve seen how badly some parents can treat their children and I’m thankful that mine have only ever shown me love. They’ll love you too Nori. We will be a family, trust me. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to talk about them, it’s just difficult for me to do because I miss them like crazy. But I gladly would have told you about them had you asked before. _

Honestly Ruki had been too afraid to ask. It had taken him years to get past the idea of what a demon was in his head, and thinking about the literal king of hell terrified him. All he couuld picture was fire and torture, not this man Kai was describing. And how stupid was that really?

A soft chuckle tore him from his thoughts. 

_ Fire and brimstone huh? _

“Get out of my head Yutaka.” He retorted, slipping his boxers off. “There you go.”

_ One more question. _

Ruki looked down at his sleep shirt as a thought popped into his head. “Okay, last question. Will you stand back up?”

Kai frowned, head tilting adorably to the side, but he didn as Ruki asked, standing patiently by the end of the bed once again. Ruki flipped the covers off, crawling towards the demon who’s black eyes watched him curiously.

“Nori. Doing?”

“I think Yuta, it’s time that I take care of you for a change.” He replied, but Kai still looked confused. At least he did until Ruki crawled close enough to sit on his knees, pressing a kiss to his skin, just over his heart. 

_ Oh, Nori if you wanted that, you don’t have to ask. Come on, lay back down.  _ Kai gently ordered, claws curling over Ruki’s shoulders. 

“No!” Ruki said, maybe a bit too loudly. “No, that’s not what I want. I’m tired of this always being about me, despite how much you tell me it isn’t. Please, Yutaka, if something doesn’t go right, this could be our last time together. Let me do this my way.” He all but begged, eyes pleading with his boyfriend. 

And Kai looked  _ so  _ conflicted, like he had no idea how to do what Ruki was asking. 

_ Okay, what do you want me to do? _

“I want you to stop worrying about what I want and focus on what  _ you want.” _


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. The last chapter!! I'm so happy and so sad. 
> 
> BUT I HAVE GOOD NEWS 
> 
> There will be a sequel! It may not be as long but I figured you guys all deserved to know what happens to Kai and Ruki. 
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy this last chapter!! Thank you all for reading and commenting. ❤️❤️

**March 25th, 2017**

_ What he wanted? _

What did he want? Especially in this situation? He didn’t understand what Ruki was asking of him. Kai wanted to take care of his mate. What else was he supposed to say? 

_ Nori, I- I don’t understand what you want from me right now.  _ He finally admitted.

Ruki rolled his eyes, but a chuckle fell from his lips. “You’re too innocent and sweet to be a demon. You know that? Isn’t there anything you’ve wanted me to do? Any fantasy?”

A fantasy? Of course he’d fantasized, but the only thing he’d ever really desired was sitting right here in front of him. Unless Ruki meant some kind of sexual fantasy, then sure he’d had a few, but they were things he couldn’t ask for. They were acts that more befit a stranger, never his soon to be queen. Kai racked his brain, trying to come up with something, anything, to pacify his lover, but apparently he was taking too long for Ruki decided to take matters into his own hands. Quite literally. 

The human’s hand found his already semi hard erection through the soft fabric of the towel, rubbing just a bit, almost hesitantly, and Kai felt like his legs were about to give out from under him. 

“If you can’t tell me, then I’ll just be selfish and do what  _ I  _ want.” He said, deep voice husky with obvious lust. 

Kai knew he shouldn’t let Ruki touch him like this, but his mind was so clouded by arousal that he couldn’t remember why this was so wrong. 

_ Nori y- _

“Just relax baby. I’ll take good care of you.” 

That brought him back to his senses a bit, and he backed out of Ruki’s arms reach. 

_ I’m sorry. Whatever it is you’re wanting to do, I can’t let you. _

His boyfriend actually looked a tad perturbed. “Yutaka I swear if this is some kind of ‘status’ thing I’m going to whack you.”

_ But you- _

Ruki held up his hand to stop him. “Unless you’re literally going to be harmed, I don’t want to hear it. You’re my boyfriend. This is fine. So I’m gonna go brush my teeth. By the time I’m done I want you naked on this bed for me. Got it?” His tone left no room for debate, so Kai merely bowed his head. 

_ Yes, your highness. _

The human smiled, patting his chest as he walked by. Ruki really would be the death of him. 

Taking a deep breath, Kai did as he was told, dropping his towel and climbing on to their bed to make himself comfortable. As he relaxed he could hear Ruki humming to himself in the bathroom and it brought a smile to his face. He really had found the most amazing human hadn’t he? Kai closed his eyes, allowing his wings to unfurl and stretch to lazily hang over the edges of the bed. It felt good to let them out every once in a while. 

“Whoa. I forget how big they are.”

Kai lifted his head from the pillow to see Ruki standing near the end of the bed. He still wore his long shirt but he looked more awake and refreshed. The human held something behind his back but Kai didn’t ask, figuring Ruki would show him when he was ready. 

_ Do you want me to put them away? _

Ruki shook his head. “No, they won’t be in the way. Besides, right now you look like some kind of sacrifice all laid out for me. I kind of like it.”

_ I am. Only for you. Only for my queen. _

Ruki blushed all the way to his ears and kai found that he was happy that after so many years he could still have that effect on his boyfriend. He stayed still and quiet as Ruki crawled up on the bed. The human was careful not to kneel on his wings as he gently straddled Kai’s waist, leaning forward to give him a kiss. 

_ What do you have there behind your back Nori?  _ Kai inquired, letting his palms rest on Ruki’s thighs, claws just barely scratching along his skin. 

“Oh this?” He showed the tube of lipstick with a mischievous grin. “I saw you Yutaka, staring at me every time I’ve put this on like you want to devour me. How ever did you survive the anniversary live?”

Anniversary live? He wasn’t talking about the- Oh fuck. Yes he was. 

Kai felt like his eyes were going to fall out of his head as Ruki twisted the end of the tube to show the dark cherry colored stick. God that color had looked so sexy on Ruki’s plump lips. Kai really hadn’t been able to handle that sight at all. No, he’d been so turned on he’d been forced to take care of that not so little problem before they’d gone on stage. Damn Uruha, he’d almost walked in on his...endeavours. 

But why did he have the lipstick with him now? Was he planning to  _ kiss  _ him with that on? Kai was fairly certain that would kill him. 

He watched, completely transfixed, as Ruki expertly spread the dark color over his supple lips, pursing them together to make sure it was perfectly done, and Kai’s hips jerked at just the sight. 

Ruki only chuckled. “Someone’s excited. I think you may need help with that.” He smirked, moving backwards to fit himself between his legs. 

Kai felt faint as he realized what his mate was about to do, every ounce of blood in his body rushing south to his already throbbing erection. 

“Nori…” He breathed out as the other lowered his head, coffee brown eyes watching him all the while. The first touch of those dark lips to the head of his cock sent waves of heat through his body and pulled a long moan from his throat. Yeah, this definitely  _ had  _ to be wrong considering how good it felt. But who was he to deny the wishes of his soon to be queen? That wicked tongue trailed through the liquid already gathered at the tip before Ruki slid lower, licking all the way up from the base. 

“I think you’ve been thinking about this for awhile now, haven’t you Yutaka?” The vocalist teased, but Kai knew full well he demanded an answer. He liked to hear that Kai thought about him in private and really what was the point of lying?

A groan left his lips when soft hair fell against his heated skin.  _ I have Nori. I think about this all the time. How good it would feel.  _ He replied, so thankful he didn’t have to actually speak. No way would he be able to get the words out with how he was panting already. 

“Hmm, well I hope I can live up to your expectations.” 

Before Kai could reassure him he was paralyzed by the feel and the  _ sight  _ of himself disappearing into the sweet heat of Ruki’s mouth. He couldn’t take it all but it didn’t matter. No, this was so good, because wouldn’t you know it, his boyfriend’s mouth was just as soft and perfect as the rest of him. 

Kai’s entire body tensed, trying his best to keep still though it truly was the last thing he wanted. Ruki bent down a bit further before sucking lightly, teasingly, and letting Kai slip from his lips. He was breathing hard but grinning and Kai knew why as the sight of the lipstick Ruki had left behind of his cock left him dangerously close to falling apart. 

“Are you  _ still  _ going to tell me you don’t want this?” He asked, eyes shiny with lust and that’s when Kai finally realized this wasn’t  _ just  _ for him. Ruki actually  _ wanted  _ to do this. 

So instead of answering he sat up, sinking his claws into his mate’s hair and kissed that smirk off his face. 

_ Why don’t you fill that mouth with something other than smartass comments? _

“Anything for my prince.” Ruki said softly, trying to kiss him again, but Kai pulled back. At the confused look on the other’s face, he used the hand resting at the back of his head to push him down. 

_ Now. _

The moan he felt vibrate along his skin let him know Ruki wasn’t about to protest, and Kai laid back to watch the show. 

And what a show it was. Ruki was taking his sweet time torturing him, sucking and licking only long enough to leave Kai’s muscles flexing and straining to stay in control before pulling away and starting again. He was evil. Pure evil. 

But it was too much and in the end Kai couldn’t keep still, hips jerking, and he felt his cock brush the back of Ruki’s throat. The smaller man gagged, mouth tightening deliciously around him and he couldn’t take anymore. 

Kai moved, grabbing his boyfriend by the hips and flipping him onto his back, fitting himself between those heavenly thighs he loved so much. 

“Need you. Now.” He grunted out, attacking the human’s throat, and Ruki yelped, hands coming up to push at his chest on instinct. 

“Yutaka! This wasn’t what I w-”

“Need my Nori. Need now.” He said again, cutting off Ruki’s protests. His tail was already finding where he wanted to be and didn’t give his lover much warning before pressing into him. 

Ruki’s beautiful voice rang out through the room, his back arching off the mattress in the most erotic way. Kai didn’t allow him much time to adjust. He  _ couldn’t.  _ This felt too urgent. As if he’d never be able to touch Ruki again if he stalled for even a moment. And there was no way in hell he would ever let that happen. 

“Let...love you. Please?” He tried to question, frustrated by his vocal limitations. 

Ruki’s hands framed his face, forcing him to pause and meet his gaze. What he found there made him want to cry for it was just too much. Far more than he deserved. The adoration and  _ love  _ present within Ruki’s eyes could reduce him to nothing. Kai knew he would willingly give up everything he had and was, his very existence, if it meant he could see this expression on his human’s face just one more time. To see the very core of his soul sifting through the darkness to seek only Kai. This beautiful soul he had so craved to be close to, to bask in it’s light. 

Kai knew he didn’t deserve it. Shouldn’t have even been allowed to touch something as pure as this. He was all too aware that this particular soul deserved an eternity in heaven, but he was selfish, greedy. He’d laid hand on the brightest burning star and felt it’s purifying heat. 

Yes, he would live in utter anguish, amongst the terrors of purgatory just to make sure this light was never dulled, never extinguished, but he could not let it slip from his hands either. 

  
And in that moment, despite the anxiety and urgency clawing at his insides, Kai took a precious moment to drink in everything. His friends, family, they all meant so much to him, but- “You...my everything.” he whispered, allowing the feeling of realization to calm him as he watched tears gather in Ruki’s eyes. A kiss was pressed so sweetly to his lips and Kai knew his mate understood the weight those words carried. 

The unrelenting, rough, rush of lust had been diffused, and Kai instead took his time, savoring every kiss, touch, every whimper that filled the otherwise quiet room. 

As their heartbeats slowed and reality came crashing down around them, neither Ruki nor himself said a word. They didn’t need too. Both of them knew with utter clarity what came next. Nevertheless, Ruki stayed close to him as he got ready to leave, but Kai knew there was nothing he could say to alleviate his worries. In the end Kai left for the studio after only a small smile and short kiss. It was enough for them. 

********

Sitting through the review of their last live was proving to be more difficult than Kai had imagined it to be. Watching them all together on stage, the way they interacted, made his chest ache, and to give advice on how they could do better in the future just seemed borderline sadistic. 

Instead of focusing so much on the live, Kai spent the rest of his time studying his bandmates, taking in every little bit of them and hoping that he’d never forget them. He was still just a baby in terms of demon longevity after all. There were so many years ahead of him and he knew that even though he’d steer Ruki away from checking in on his old friends for the vocalist’s sake, he would still keep tabs on them. Watching them grow old and eventually die wasn’t something he was looking forward to, but he’d also made Ruki a promise from the very beginning that they would all be taken care of and he had no intention of going back on his word. 

Kai watched as Uruha slid his long legs over Reita’s lap, the bassist turning towards him with a smile for just a second. Uruha had apparently paid all the attention he could afford and chose to instead snuggle up against his fiance and sleep. He was so envious of the two of them. He could only hope that Ruki would continue to love him like that. That they would be that close eventually too. Kai knew that no matter what they’d been through here in the human realm, they still had a long ways to go, and he was more than willing to work his ass off to make sure everything continued in the right direction. Though he would never force Ruki into a situation he didn’t want to be in. No matter how badly it hurt him. It wouldn’t happen though...Ruki wouldn’t leave him. At least that’s what he wanted to believe. 

Ever since Screw had disbanded, and even with his bar opening, Kazuki seemed to have more free time and he spent every waking moment of it next to Aoi. Even now he sat on the raven’s lap, laid back against his chest. One would think the two of them would get tired of each other after so long, but that didn’t seem to be the case. And honestly even though Kai knew how much Aoi loved their band, in his opinion, the guitarist only looked truly happy and at peace when Kazuki was with him. Kai understood that. He had found it more and more difficult to be in a good mood when Ruki wasn’t around too, but Ruki wasn’t Kazuki. The vocalist needed his space sometimes and Kai had just learned to deal with this. His boyfriend would lock himself inside their home studio sometimes for hours and Kai had found a few hobbies that he actually enjoyed to fill the time until he could be next to his mate again. 

“Look at you , bawling your eyes out like a baby!” Reita exclaimed, throwing a pen across the table at Aoi, and Kai realized the video was almost done. 

“I wasn’t crying! I had something in my eye! You’re the one who got so choked up he couldn’t even speak.” He countered, flipping the bassist off. 

“Yuu, baby, you were crying before the last song even started.” Kazuki chimed in. “But unlike Akira, you’re so hot. Even when you cry.”

“Oi!” Uruha finally spoke up. “You’re not even in this band. You don’t get a say. Insult my Aki again and I’ll kick your ass. He’s the best looking out of everyone here!” 

The whole room erupted into laughter at Uruha’s sleepy threats and Sekai just shook his head and turned off the screen. 

“Alright, settle down. Let’s be honest, you’re both hideous compared to me anyway. Let’s take a break, yeah? Meet back here in half an hour!” 

Grumbles came from all around the table but Sekai ignored them all as usual. He’d dealt with their shit long enough after all. 

“I can’t believe Taka missed all of this. What the hell did you do to him last night Yuta? He doesn’t usually sleep this late.” Uruha asked, stretching his arms above his head and Kai had to stop himself from grinning as Reita reached out to pull the guitarist’s shirt down. He was awfully protective of his duck. How cute was that? 

“Ah, it wasn’t so much last night as early this morning.” He replied and Uruha choked on his own breath. “I’m kidding! He just didn’t sleep well last night. I’m going to take the video home for him to watch and bring his notes in tomorrow. He said he might come in after awhile but I doubt it with how hard he was sleeping when I left this morning. Anyway, I’m gonna go get coffee from the vending machine, you want one?”

Uruha grinned. “Only if coffee is spelled b-e-e-r.”

“Yeah...no. It’s too early for your bad habits Kou.” Kai teased as he left the conference room. The farther away from his bandmates he got, the more the smile faded from his face. This was it. 

Down on the first floor, Kai ducked into a back hallway, making sure it was clear. The studios were empty today save for them so it wasn’t too hard to find a secluded spot to flash out of. He’d already taken precautions and disabled the cameras in the stairwell near their apartment. No one would see what actually happened, though it wasn’t like it would matter. He just didn’t want his bandmates to think badly of him since they wouldn’t understand what was happening. 

Ruki was already there waiting for him and he turned to him with a sad smile. “Hey.” 

Kai couldn’t stop himself from running his claws back through his mate’s hair and pulling him closer.  _ Are you absolutely sure Nori? There’s no changing your mind once this is done. _

The vocalist nodded, hands lacing behind his neck to bring him down into the sweetest kiss Kai had ever tasted. There were tears on his cheeks but Ruki still seemed so sure of what he wanted. 

“I...I’m sure Yuta. But there’s something I want to say before I go through with this, okay?”

Kai was...admittedly hesitant. Ruki just said he wasn’t changing his mind but...what could he possibly need to say right now that was more important than that? And he looked so nervous, chewing on his bottom lip and fidgeting with the collar of Kai’s shirt, but he couldn’t deny Ruki anything.

_ Of course. Please, whatever it is, tell me. _

Ruki still seemed anxious, but he reached for Kai’s hand nonetheless. “I just...just in case something happens and this doesn’t work the way we’ve planned I wanted a chance to tell you how I really feel about you. I feel like I owe it to you because I’ve never been completely honest with you.”

Okay. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

_ Nori, I know you love me. Maybe not at the beginning but you do now and that’s all that matters to me. _

“I know Yuta. And I do. I love you so much, but this isn’t about that, not really. I know that we got off to kind of a rocky start, and I know that I wasn’t always the nicest person towards you. In fact I was such a bitch to you.” Ruki trailed off for a moment and it seemed like he was trying to work out the words in his head before speaking again. “I just want you to know that I don’t regret any of this. Despite the short time span, I am so thankful that you became a part of our lives. Of my life. For everything you’ve done for my friends and for me. I could honestly never thank you enough. But hopefully I will have the rest of eternity to make it up to you, right?” He finished, a silly grin curving his lips. 

_ You...really don’t regret meeting me? Even though I’m taking you away from this life? _

“No, Yutaka, I don’t. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have even had this life. I’m happy with what I’ve accomplished. And even more happy that I got to share it with my best friends as well as you. I am...content with leaving.” He replied without hesitation and Kai could feel tears burning his eyes. So he leaned down to kiss him one more time. He savoured the taste of that sassy mouth, the soft, subtle curves under his hands, the death grip Ruki had on the front of his shirt, all of it. When they pulled away, Kai kept him close and Ruki rested his head against his chest. It wouldn’t be long right? He would have his mate back in his arms very soon. 

_ Nori...I have to go soon… _

Ruki nodded, stepping back just enough to look up at him. He was so obviously trying his hardest to keep a smile on his face but Kai could tell he was still scared, and had every right to be. 

“I’m ready then. Just- You promise you’ll come for me, right?”

_ For many, many years. Whenever you want.  _ Kai couldn’t help but tease, loving how Ruki blushed still and rolled his eyes. 

“You’re such a dirty demon Yuta. Stop it.”

Kai chuckled, leaning down to touch their noses together.  _ I swear I will be there for you as soon as I can. I’ll be there, and I’ll take you home.  _

His mate full on grinned, that beautifully mischievous smile that lit his heart brighter than all of Tokyo, and poked him in the chest. “Don’t you keep me waiting. I’m not a patient person you know.”

_ Oh of course. I wouldn’t dare keep your highness waiting.  _

“Alright. Well, I’ll see you later babe.” Ruki patted his chest before turning around and starting to descend the stairs, but he turned back at the last second. “By the way, Yutuka. You always asked and I never answered you.”

The demon shook his head.  _ Never answered me?  _

Ruki’s smile was so sweet. The sunlight from the windows caught his reddish brown hair and made him look even more angelic. 

“About Last Heaven? It’s about you. I want to live eternally with you.”

Before his heart could leap out of his chest Kai grabbed his mate by the hips and captured his lips, kissing him with all the passion he possibly could. And Ruki met him with just as much intensity. 

It was so hard to let him go a second time, but Kai took a deep breath and closed his eyes. His hands met Ruki’s back with a harsh shove and Kai could hear his own heart beating in his ears. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter. He had taken great magical care to make sure his mate didn’t feel too much pain from this, and Ruki didn’t scream. No, he wouldn’t have been able to tell what was going on had it not been for the sickening crack of snapping bone just before the dead thud of his boyfriend’s body hitting the landing. 

He couldn’t even look. Kai could feel the bond he had with Ruki severing, sizzling out as the human’s life drained away. He felt it the moment his soul was released into the fade and he could no longer feel Ruki. It felt like a bomb had gone off in his chest. Logically he knew this wasn’t the end, but it took everything in his being to keep it together. Kai took a deep breath, looking up towards the ceiling, and flashing himself back to the studio hallway without looking back. 

********

“Do you really have to sit on top of me? There are so many chairs in this room and here you are taking up lap space.” Aoi whined. Kazuki had just in fact plopped back down on his lap, arms wrapping around his neck. 

“I do. Because those chairs aren’t gonna hold me now are they? I need love you know.” 

Aoi was all out laughing as his boyfriend cuddled up into his lap. Kai wanted to curl up in a ball and die right then and there. Watching the two of them together hurt too much. 

“Has anyone seen Sekai? He should have been back by now and I’m about to be sick watching you two.” Uruha said from where he had his feet propped up on the table, phone in hand. 

“You know Kou, you sure do have that phone in your hand an awful lot for someone who  _ never  _ updates his blog.” Aoi scoffed. 

“I just forg-”

“Quiet down. I have…” Sekai paused. His face was so pale, his eyes red. Kai felt his stomach twist painfully. He’d found out hadn’t he? “Something’s happened.”

The other members went quiet noticing their manager’s disposition. 

“Sekai? What’s wrong?” Reita was the first to pipe up. 

The older man planted his hands flat on the table, his head hanging between his shoulders. For a few moments all they heard were poorly controlled sniffs. “There’s been an a- accident. Takanori...he...Oh god-”

Reita’s expression fell, his jaw tensing, and Uruha reached for his hands even as his own started to shake. Aoi had a death grip on Kazuki that almost looked painful and Kai felt it all. Their pain was so strong, the smell of over ripened cherries filling the stagnant air of the room. Reita was suddenly standing, a sob getting caught in his throat. 

“T-then we have to get to the hospital. We have to be there. Is...is he in surgery? Did they tell you anything else? Come on we gotta go.” He said, already dragging Uruha towards the door, but Sekai reached out and grabbed his wrist. 

“Akira. He’s not… He’s not in the hospital. We do need to go though. Yutaka, they need someone to…” Sekai trailed off again and Kai rounded the end of the table to put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Come on. It’s… We should go.”

******

Kai stood in the hallway outside of the emergency room, arms wrapped around himself as Aoi said his goodbyes. Reita had been forcibly removed from the room about twenty minutes ago. He’d never seen the bassist so upset. Even when his grandmother had passed away it hadn’t been like this, and Kai hated himself for what they were putting them all through. Maybe...this hadn’t been the right thing to do after all. Maybe he had just been selfish. How could something that caused their friends so much pain be right? Ruki...was going to hate him for this wasn’t he? Their happily ever after was never going to ha-

  
  


“Yutaka? I- This may be overstepping, but are you uh, you just…” Kazuki stammered from across the hallway. “You seem kind of emotionless?”

Emotionless? All he wanted to do was bawl his eyes out and scream until his throat was raw. 

“Kazi, thank you. Really. I uh, I think I’m still in shock. I don’t even know how to deal with this.”

The younger guitarist moved to his side of the hallway, near, but still giving him space. “I don’t think anyone does. But no one expects you to be able to deal with this. We’ll all be here for you, you know?”

Before Kai could reply the door opened beside them and Aoi staggered out. Kazuki offered him one last sympathetic smile before attending to his boyfriend. This was it. This was the last time he’d see Ruki before going home. 

Taking a deep breath he opened the door and went inside. His heart leapt into his throat as his eyes roamed over the form of Ruki laying so still on the bed as if he was only sleeping. But he wasn’t. No. There was nothing left here of his Ruki. Taking a seat down beside the bed, Kai reached out for Ruki’s hand. It was so strange to feel his skin so cold, but still so soft. This wasn’t...goodbye. So why was his throat so tight? 

Kai could feel tears already threatening to spill over as he leaned down to press his cheek to Ruki’s hand. “I hope you didn’t feel anything baby. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. I promise to try my best and never hurt you ag-” A sob cut him off and he wiped at his eyes with his free hand. God his whole body hurt with how much he was trying to hold himself together. He’d tried so hard to not let his guard down when the others were there but now that he was alone every emotion was overflowing into the open. 

More than anything he just wished his mother was with him. He knew there were things that would have to be done before he could retrieve Ruki’s soul but he also knew that time was going to drag on. He wanted to be home. Wanted to see his family. But more than that he wanted to make his family whole. And once he and Ruki were mated then they would be. That thought made him almost smile. 

“We’re going to be together forever Nori. And I’m gonna make sure you are the happiest you possibly can be.” Kai leaned over to kiss Ruki’s cold lips. “Don’t worry my little light. We’ll meet again in our last heaven.”


End file.
